THE SILENT PLURALITY

The most interesting number to come out of the mid-term elections' complete ass-fucking of the Republicans was this one: 50% of men voted Democratic, 47% Republican, 3% Other. That is the first male gender gap favoring Democrats in Kelso's recent memory. For that to happen with a war going on is quite telling. It tells Kelso that men were not too happy about something, and it was not the war irking tbem. Most men like the war. They get to sit at home and root for Brown people to be incinerated. For some that's a bigger rush than boxing or pro football. Boxing? Pro Football? Hmmm....getting warmer...it's online poker and sports betting that pissed the fellers off. Like a thief in the night, outgoing Senate Majority Leader, Bill "Jesus" Frist inserted the Unlawful Internet Gambling Act into a Port Security appropriation just weeks after Senator John Warner (R-VA) to Frist where he could shove that measure when Frist tried to get it into a Defense Department appropriation. Karl Rove, one would guess, went to the well once too often with his "play to the base" strategy. They got a previously unresolved issue turned into criminal law to please the Christian Crazies. And not only the Christian Crazies, but the front-runners for the Republican nomination, Giuliani and McCain, were also pretty psyched about this. Never mind that Giuliani's father was a mob bookie's collection guy and McCain has a huge credit line at Caesar's and is something of a dice junkie. You can sort that out with Freud if you like.

The point is, and there is really only an unpolitically correct way to say it, that the fruity Karl Rove and Ken Mehlmann lost touch with the American Man. War is sort of fun, but for the vast majority of men it's nothing compared with gambling, sex, and getting messed up. So, "The Turd Blossom" turned the Republicans into the party of Church Ladies and Gay Fundamentalist Meth-Heads. And men said "no". And they went a little Democratic this time. Just wait until they go all the way, skipping whichever prude comes out of the GOP's rectum in favor of Feminazi scold Hillary Clinton or -- omigod -- trial lawyer John Edwards.

There's no way to get Jesus Frist's stupid law off the books, but a Democratic President will certainly re-orient the Department Of Justice's priorities away from Porn, Pot and Poker and back onto terrorism where it belongs. And the Silent Plurality will be happy. Happy jerking off, getting high, and most of all enjoying online poker in the privacy of their homes. And it will be great fun seeing the Iron-Chinned-Vast-Right-Wing-Conspiracy lady put a hard beating on Adolf Giuliani or Manos De Piedra McCain. The Daily Mirror's headline in November 2008: IT WAS POKER WOT WON IT.

Kelso's Nuts love you.