IN DEFENSE OF ANN COULTER

What did she do exactly? While speaking at a conservative convention she called John Edwards a "faggot." And, what? He was a litigator, he's been called worse. If she means that he's into guys, it's Kelso's impression that she's wrong. If she means that he's weak, she's got something of a case. Edwards was the consummate DLC chicken-hawk -- right-wing on most social issues, centrist on most economic issues, and reflexive on foreign policy -- until that was uncool and now he's like Reverend Sloane Coffin or something. Sure, there's something a little "faggotty" about changing with the wind. As for Ann Coulter, she seems to play her role rather well. She outrageous and often pretty funny. And it's not possible that she believes one word of what she says, at least not when it comes to her love of "heartland" values. She's probably into war and she's definitely none too fond of dark-skinned people, but they say she likes to get lifted and get her freak on with some frequency. So, she's a dumber, less informed, more outrageous Rush Limbaugh. Big deal. She'll eventually get called down on her hypocrisy and then we'll see how tough she is. Kelso somehow doubts she's got much Judith Miller or Susan McDougal in her. In other words, she's a pretty good favorite to have to learn how to swing a lock-in-a-sock, shit in front of five other women,and make liquor out of cling peach syrup. We'll see if she's as tough as she claims to be.

It's not really Kelso's problem what names she wants to call John Edwards. Ann Coulter is entitled to pretty much say anything she likes, but if "faggots" are on her mind, why Edwards? Isn't David Geffen the right target? He actually is gay and got all wound up because Bill Clinton would rather hang out and do guy stuff with Ron Burkle than kiss up to David Geffen. Can you blame the Big Dog? So, Geffen gets all jealous and trashes the Clintons and nails his colors to Obama's mast. When push comes to shove and shove to worse, who do you think has Gay America's back -- Hillary Clinton or some fool who has no problem going on a Fundamentalist tour with the likes of James Dobson, etc. ? Kelso's said it before and he'll say it again here: Barrack Obama is the Trojan Horse. He's about one millimeter to the left of Joe Lieberman and just as mawkish. He's only cast one important vote so far -- yes or no on Bush's Bankruptcy "Reform" -- and Obama voted along with the Republicans. You can keep him. File him with Clarence Thomas, Larry Thompson, and Harold Ford, Jr., and forget him. Rock star, my ass. Kelso just hopes that U.S. Representative Jesse Jackson, Jr., is waiting in the tall weeds when Obama makes a fool out of himself in his presidential campaign, having to twist and turn and explain away gaffes and generally alienate all of Illinois in the process. Catch you in 2010, dick-head.

Now, nobody ought to get the impression that Kelso agrees with Ann Coulter. The stuff she says is repulsive. And Kelso's now going to exercise his own right of free speech: Ann Coulter is a shiksa cunt whose mother sucks cocks in hell. Okay. But isn't she kind of fun in a way because of that? I'm glad she laughed all this off. Good for her. As above, when she gets tested we'll see what she's made of.

Kelso is now inviting all 0 of his readers to please explain why Hillary Clinton is not electable? She's got enough money to bury Edwards or Obama in the primaries and she'll face one of three insane guys in the general election: McCain, Giuliani, or Romney. How does she lose to any of those? McCain's disfigured and nuts and wearing 10 times more makeup than any broad won't cut it. Giuliani is an accident waiting to happen. And Romney is non only a Mormon but also more vulnerable to the flip-flop thing than any politician Kelso's ever heard of. What the hell is so unelectable about Hillary? She's cautious; she's got an iron chin, and all the money. Plus, she has a very crisp appearance. Kelso doesn't particularly care for her caution and blandness or her own brand of conservatism, but there's at least no scenario in which she gets the world blown in two and she'd make an adaquate if unspectacular steward of that country she lives in.

As Kelso's own life has been turned completely upside down, expect the continued occasional posting. Just not enough hours in the day to do this all the time.

One esoteric sports opinion: We like Michael Hussey of Australia to win best batsman in the upcoming World Cup Of Cricket.

Kelso's Nuts love you.