DUDES AND DWEEBS, BUT FIRST WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN...

...to Kelso the whole Barrack Obama "thing"? And please no racial stuff, please. There's nothing so special about his candidacy with regard to his "race." Those with long memories will recall Barbara Jordan. And Jesse Jackson in 1988, yes or no? Was Kelso on Mars in August of 2004 or did Al Sharpton not demolish Obama at the lectern? Sharpton was very funny in his skewering of the absurdities of the campaign and very serious in his commitment to peace and social justice, while Obama spoke in some language that kind of seemed like English, but didn't really make any sense to anyone who speaks English. Subject, predicate, object? Sure. But what did he say exactly? "We worship an awesome God in the Blue States..." Huh? What the fuck does that mean? Kelso lived in a Blue State at the time and doesn't recall worshipping any God, awesome or otherwise. So, who's "we," White Man? Senator Obama, you were certainly speaking of you and the mouse in your pocket, right? Gee whiz, that awesome God stuff was the part of the speech that made most sense in English. The rest of it had the feeling of something Lt. Commander Data of Star Trek: The Next Generation might have said albeit without the irony.

And the glowing praise that followed that strange speech in quasi-English-quasi-Liturgical-Politico idiom was beyond racist. It was Dr. Johnson's (was it G.K Chesterton) remark about "a woman preaching..." You all remember -- it's not so much that she can do it well but that she can do it all that makes it remarkable. Weren't any of you listening to Al Sharpton? He did it pretty well. This patronising PC-though-racist applause of Obama was echoed recently by Joe Biden. Go google or YouTube it. Kelso has more important stuff to say to rehash Biden's stupidity.

Let's put the racial shit to rest once and for all. Barrack Obama is not your first African-American President of The United States of America. Christ, Obama ought not have been your second African-American Illinois United States Senator. Your first African-American President of the United States of America is the fellow Obama, Richards Daley and Durbin, and surely Rahm Emmanuel jobbed out of that seat: U.S. Representative Jesse Jackson, Jr. Jackson is brighter than Obama, at least as well-educated and has a far, far more patrician bearing than Obama does, AND never, ever speaks in strings of cliches. So, no, there's nothing about Obama's race that bugs Kelso. It's the person Barrack Obama himself what gives Kelso hives.

Is it the speech? Is it the ass-fucking of Jesse Jackson, Jr.? Is it Obama's wretched ghost-written book offering nothing but Democratic concession to Republicans on all issues combined with more Tapioca Pudding English? Is it Obama's vote in support of Bush's "Bankruptcy Reform" measure which is about to shoot 10cc of leche into many, many homeowners mouths? Is it his ducking the Terry Schiavo vote? Is it showing up of Tom Harkin at Harkin's event? Is it Obama's Fundamentalist Christianity? [That didn't work so great for Harold Ford, Jr., did it?] Is it his wishy-washiness on every single issue of import? Where does he stand on the Wars? Where does he stand on abortion? On criminal justice? Or health care? Or fucking anything? Kelso doesn't have the faintest idea but suspects it somewhat to the right of the middle of the Democratic party. We already have one Democrat who needs to be on all four sides of every issues and she's the likely winner. We'll settle for that. At least we know she's a hawk with a very weak commitment to civil rights and civil liberties but likely a stronger one than Obama's. And Obama's the one Democrat who could fuck up a pure-nuts situation, an un-loseable election. While Hillary Clinton, John Edwards and certainly Al Gore would bury any Republican opponent, Obama might not get one electoral vote. We need that like we need a PCB milkshake. And borrow from an old Village Voice article about Geradine Ferraro, an Obama candidacy would assure that there would sooner be an African-American on Pluto than on a Democratic ticket for a long while. Unless Jesse, Jr., makes his move, of course, and that won't be for a while.

So, please explain Obama to Kelso over whose head this whole phenomenon is sailing. Kelso's seeing a son of a bitch, but Kelso's been wrong a lot.

DUDE

Tillman family. Full stop. My Lai v2007.

DWEEB

George Tenet. Too little too late. Put the fucking freedom medal on ebay.

If the Obama stuff isn't grabbing anybody, how about a gambling question regarding this ghastly version of Omaha they play down here: 25-50 No Limit with cap? Is a full-wrap of middle height better than a Big Pair plus a Small Pair with one flush draw? And is one supposed to get all the chips in before the flop with either?

Kelso's Nuts love you.