ANOTHER REPUBLICAN CRIME?

FROM AP:

Evert, Bush winners


Chris Evert and former President Bush paired up to win a doubles match during a celebrity-filled charity event Sunday in Delray Beach that raised $1.2 million to fight drug abuse in South Florida.

Evert, who won 18 Grand Slam singles titles, and Bush, 81, defeated top-ranked Lindsay Davenport and singer Michael W. Smith 6-4 at the Delray Beach Tennis Center.

The event, held in association with the Chris Evert Children's Hospital at Broward General Medical Center, has raised more than $14.2 million in 16 years.

''This will help support programs that give people a second chance and most importantly, give them hope,'' Evert said.

Let's now put this in some perspective. Going into this match, what would the odds be that Chris Evert and 81-YO Former President Bush could beat Lindsay Davenport and anybody at a tennis doubles match? Never mind that Smith is around 50 years old. Lindsay Davenport alone could beat Evert and Bush 6-0, even allowing Evert to serve every point. The odds of the result that did obtain, 6-4, Evert/Bush
are astronomical. Certainly 10,000,000/1 against. Maybe 1bn/1 against.

There is a felony on the Federal books known as "tampering with the results of a sporting event." Kelso is not an attorney, but he would guess that under the strict federal sentencing guidelines enacted under Reagan and Bush I, the crime would carry something on the order of 1-year in prison, plus of minus, depending on the aggravating and mitigating factors in the set forth in the guidelines. If it were proven that there was a conspiracy to fix this match, Evert and Davenport, who Kelso guesses have no criminal record, might receive a very light sentence on the order of home detention, but would NEVER have the conviction sealed and would lose the franchise for life in many states. Bush and Smith might face much stiffer sentences given Iran-Contra, BCCI and BNL in the former's case and a long history of drug abuse in the case of Christian singer Smith. They could get maybe 3 years each as a guest of the USA for this. That the event was for charity and not played under a professional banner would probably be a mitigating factor. If it could be proven that an Evert/Bush win would raise more for charity than a Davenport/Smith win would, the minimums would probably apply and, of course, if the match had been presented as theater with a known outcome instead of a random variable with an unknown outcome, everybody's innocent. Failing those conditions...

...Patrick Fitzgerald, you have been "tasked"!

DUDE OF THE WEEK

Mike O'Connell, General Manager of the Boston Bruins, for kind of undressing the San Jose Sharks in the Joe Thornton for Brad Stuart, Marco Sturm, Wayne Primeau trade, knowing he would be a marked man in Boston for this. Trade made perfect sense as, he got way more true value than he gave up, roughly speaking about 33%/goal per game, gave the Bruins some needed room under the salary cap, and got 3 under-rated players for one over-rated player, the warm bodies being important because the Bruins minor league affiliate is very thin.

DWEEB OF THE WEEK

Samuel Alito: serial liar of commission and omission and a very solid
fascist. And if you are an Italian-American reader of this blog, don't write Kelso any bullshit about bigotry given the word "fascist." Just go back to his record and see if his rulings match anhistorian's opionion of -- very specifically -- Mussollini's Italy in the sense, not of ethnic cleansing or Nazi collaboration, but rather in the sense of supporting a corporatist (as opposed to entrepreneurial) economy coupled with heavy-handed law enforcement policy and a large role of an official state religion that sure ain't Reform Judaism or Episcopalianism. Again and as always, Kelso will never censor a comment, but will respond harshly and with facts. Kelso is not going to do the "Curb Your Enthuiasm" bit of saying "some of his best friends,etc..." Come at Kelso with that weak shit and the response will be unpleasant to be sure.

2nd place to Condoleeza Rice...well, just because...supporting, no loving, torture with absolutely no embarrassment whatsoever, and being about as dumb as a box of rocks. She's the second Bush II appointee to head the Department Of State who has thoroughly dishonorned the office -- really no better than Henry The K, and probably a LOT WORSE. [And, no, Kelso doesn't think getting a flag-salute and rim-job from an intern in the oval office is exemplary behavior, either, just silliness.] What does Bush call Rice and Powell, again? That's right "err..people." African-American readers: same rules apply. Start in with the Kelso's a racist stuff and your comments will stand, but better have some facts at the ready, because these two are not even in the Madeline Not-Bright league, let alone in the same county as Vance, Rusk, Shultz and about 100 others.

Rice for President. That's a good one. George Carlin and Bill Maher have whole books of "good ones", too.

Pigskin pretty good. Vigged off in NCAA, 4 for 5 in pros.

Kelso's Nuts love you.