KELSO TENDS TO PREFER DATA TO MEMES, BUT...

...if you'd like to know why Hillary Clinton cannot become President of the United States, compare her utterances on contemporary culture (San Andreas Games, hip-hop, etc.) to these of Mack Brown, head fooball coach at The University Of Texas (!)


Not coincidentally, he says, "The team is more disciplined the last couple of years."

But not automatized.

A depressurized Brown loosened up. There was more laughter during practices and before games. Crank up some tunes, break out a dance — it was OK.

It's what families do, and the 2005 Texas team has managed to become more family than any in Brown's eight-year tenure.

"It's like a lot of weight has been lifted off his shoulders, and he's just, I guess, having more fun. ... That's the personality of this team," defensive tackle Rod Wright says. "We just have fun. And whenever we have fun, it seems like that's when we play our best."

Learning more about players

Brown revealed this season that he has expanded his musical tastes to rap and other genres favored by his 19- and 20-something-year-old players.

The image brought bemused smiles: the 54-year-old, Tennessee-born coach hooked to an iPod given to him by one of his daughters, jamming to 50 Cent.

He had serious intents, however.

"I needed to do a better job of looking into these kids' lives and learning more about what's important to them," Brown says.

"When we were kids, shoot, they were talking about Elvis Presley and Jerry Lee Lewis and Johnny Cash being rebels. Cussing. They're ruining our music. Now we're all saying some of the rap music is so vulgar and so awful that they're ruining our music. But they're no different. It's just the times. And what I needed to do, I thought, was do a little bit better job of staying up with their times."

The players chuckled, too. But they appreciated the gesture.

"He'll never know, I guess, fully what we go through," says All-America safety Michael Huff, nicknamed Huff Daddy. "But I think he has a lot better understanding."

Happy and laden with NFL draft picks-to-be, the Longhorns began taking on a championship sheen in 2004. They stormed through their final six games, including a scintillating, 38-37 victory against Michigan in the Rose Bowl in which Young accounted for 372 yards (192 rushing) and five touchdowns, leaping to national stardom.

That set up a 2005 charge through a September test at Ohio State, through a frustration-busting 45-12 win against Oklahoma and finally through a 70-3 blitz of Colorado in the Big 12 title game.

It has become a redemptive season for them and for Brown, who hadn't won a conference title in 21 previous years as a head coach.


Kelso has no idea what Coach Brown's politics are, but to get the job as Head Coach at UT, you pretty much have to be a rock-ribbed Bush Republican. Liberal softies like Barry Switzer (U of Oklahoma in Marcus Dupree era, Dallas Cowboys mid-1990s--worth a Google; he's an interesting guy) need not apply.

And that, Floppers, is why Hillary Clinton will not get one male vote. Other than against Condoleeza Rice, of course, and then, WE ALL JUMP IN!

Kelso's Nuts love you.

P.S. Here's this Friday's "Random 10" as posted to notesfromthemuck

(1) BUZZCOCKS, "Orgasm Addict". How the hell Cyndi Lauper thought she could ever bring that weak shit "SHE-BOP" and stand a chance is beyond Kelso.

(2) ERIK SATIE, "Gynopedies I & III". A rare classical selection. Old man Kelso sez: in it's time this was as radical as "Anarchy In The UK."

(3) JOHNNY CASH "The One On The Left Is On The Right." No comment ever about him. One bit of irony though: he and John Ritter died on the same day. Every newspaper in America had JC on the cover except for THE NEW YORK POST who had Ritter.

(4) HOLE "Celebrity Skin". She's hors d'combat now, but when she was good she was very, very good. Aside from rocking, this is one of the cleverest songs you'll hear: "...hooker/waitress, model/actress..." works for me.

(5) X-RAY SPEX "The Day The World Turned Day-Glo." Polly Styrene was another chick who could bring it. We're getting a little low on them these days: Le Tigre, Sleater-Kinney...need some new ones.

(6) ICE CUBE "Who's The Mack?" You can listen to it 1000 times and never tire of it. Lost in everything else -- his rhymes, flow, poetry and power -- is that fucking voice. Linguists will be hip to this: a soothing, lilting East Texas twang can be heard though the Compton thing. And he's third generation LA. A very nice baritone. The guy could have been a crooner maybe to rival Frank.

(7) [a pure robbery from you guys] JIM CARROLL "Day And Night". Take it from a guy who was a teenager in Manhattan in the 70s, this was the shit.

(8) NEGATIVLAND "Christianity Is Stupid". No comment.

(9) TOM PAXTON "The Name Of The Game Is Stud." One of the better poker songs from one of the real underrated folkies. Written in 1967, the word "rounder" appears in the the song in its present context.

(10) THE ONLY ONES "Flaming Torch". One of the great songs from one of the real bands for aficionados. Note: Peter Perrett plays back-up on a number of songs on JOHNNY THUNDERS' "SO ALONE" as does Phil Lynott. All-Star Team.