DUDE, DWEEB, POKER AND SOME HOUSEKEEPING

Kelso knows how lax he's been with the Dudes and Dweebs of the week. So, let's do Dude and Dweeb of 2005 first, then we'll pass out the loving cups for this week.

2005
DUDE: Howard Dean. Recovered from having the 2004 Democratic Presidential nomination stolen from him (did Ohio feel good, Senator Kerry?). Brushed off every criticism from Republicans and Democrats like so much lint. Secured the Chairmanship of the Democratic Party, raised another fortune, turned the Virginia by-election into a major coup and prevented New Jersey from becoming a total ass-over-tea-kettle. Muscled Lincoln Chaffee into being effectively a Democrat, by getting a "pro-life" Democrat in a position to beat Chaffee in New Hampshire. Put heavy pressure on Santorum with Casey, Jr. Proven right, of course, in his widely ridiculed statement that the capture of Saddam Hussein DID NOT MAKE "US" SAFER. Has enough power now to serve as an effective counterweight to the fascist DLC machine and also put some fear into Sister Frigidaire. In fact, he may have just frozen the woman completely and set the stage for a winning Warner campaign. He's Robert Strauss with a heart. Wonder if he's as into horse-racing as Strauss is?

DWEEB: Bill Keller, top editor at the Tissue Of Lies. Presided over the conversion of the Tissue from a pretty good ruling-class newspaper into the Pravda of the Bush Administration. Judith Miller and the deal to spike the NSA spying story are the major examples, but keeping the Washington news (not opinion) desk fully stocked with Right-Wingers has been masterful. Not since the days of Shirley Christian on the Latin American desk have we seen such brilliant Right Wing propaganda in the Tissue's news pages. Adam Nagourney, Elisabeth Bumiller, Jodi Wilgoren, Neil Lewis, Richard W. Stevenson, John F. Burns, Anne Kornbluth...why, he's got the entire National Review covering Washington for him. Bill Keller is one serious White Man.

LAST WEEK--AND THIS IS CERTAINLY THE NON-SEXIST DUDE/DWEEB ISSUE

Dude: Lynn Woolsey. She has always been considered in that group of "moderate" corporatist California congresswomen along with Jane Harman, Ellen Tauscher, Loretta Sanchez and the dean, Dianne Feinstein. Kelso seems to recall that even in her vote against impeachment of President Clinton, she took pains to cause him and the party extra problems. Well, this week Ms. Woolsey completely redeemed herself, inviting Cindy Sheehan (!) to Bush's State Of The Union Address after Sheehan had put a hard public beating on both Hillary Clinton and Dianne Feinstein AND stood shoulder-to-shoulder with the next invented enemy at the Malabar front, President Hugo Chavez. Kelso calls that courage with a capital "C" on Woolsey's part. Unless, of course, she's facing a well-financed primary fight from her left in her district (which is unlikely), in which case it's just plain old smart.

Dweeb: Maria Cantwell. The woman has more money than she could ever count, let alone spend. And it came not from natural resources or tobacco or inheritance but from Real Networks, a standard of the New Economy. She can have that Washington Senate seat as long as she likes despite having won her first election in a squeaker. So, what does she do? You all know, but, once again, SHE VOTED FOR CLOTURE OF THE SAMUEL ALITO DEBATE. Why? For Christ's sakes, why? She is a woman, isn't she? She is a Democrat in a blue state, isn't she? Compare her to another wealthy net broadcast guy, Mark Cuban, owner of the Dallas Mavericks. For all Kelso knows he may even have been a Bush Pioneer or Ranger, but given his public persona Kelso would bet all he can push-in that Cuban is personally to the left of Maria Cantwell and given how he has fought the more conservative elements in the NBA ownership community, David Stern for one, Senator Herb Kohl (D-WIS), another Alito apostate, for another, Kelso likes him a whole lot better than Senator Miss Maria Cantwell of Washington, your Kelso's Nuts Dweeb Of The Week.

A poker report follows the sign-off, but once, again, Kelso endeavors here to draft Lily of losenoose.blogspot.com to write up The Nuts next week.

Go Seahawks.

Kelso's Nuts love you.

PUT US IN THE GAME, DAVID.

Hi, I just had a neat thing happen. As you all know, I will be leaving for LA soon to play in some preliminary events plus the LA Poker Classic 10k WPT event. So I was online playing today. I busted out of the 350$ tourney on Party Poker and the 500$ tourney on Pokerstars. I played pretty poorly the first hour or so today but I righted the ship and started playing well. I felt like playing some more so I bought in the 250$ satellite on party poker to win a seat in the 10K Party Poker Million. That did not start for another hour so I was looking around the sites for something else to play in. I saw on Pokerstars they were running a satellite for the 10K WPT event at the LA Poker Classic. It was a 33$ buy in with rebuys. I signed up and rebought as soon as I sat down. In Rebuy tournaments it is correct to play fairly loosely during the rebuy period. If you are willing to make as many rebuys as necessary you can accumulate a large chipstack quickly. This chipstack gives you a lot more weapons for later in the tournament. We started with 1500 in chips. With the rebuy and an early pot I won I had 4500. I called a small raise to 150 on the button in a 6 way pot with 6cTc. Flop was 7c4c8s giving me a HUGE draw. Three people went all-in in front of me- lol. I had an easy call. Even though I might be vs the nut flush draw, I still had lots of outs and I can always rebuy back to 3k if I lose. I was against JJ, 78, and Ac3c ( he only had 1k in chips. Turn 5d for the straight. River Ts. I won the pot and had 17k in chips. From there I just played solid poker, taking advantage of my chip position and some bad play by my opponents. I took the 30$ add-on at the end of the rebuy period to get to 21k in chips. I won a 15k pot with KK vs AK. I was moved to another table with 33k in chips. I proceeded to get moved around a lot and went card dead to go down to 25k in chips. I made a ballsy reraise of a player who I thought was weak. Blinds were 800-1600 75 ante. A player made it 3500 and I had 66 on the button. I felt he was weak and I made it 12,800. He folded. A few hands later I raised to 3200 with 5d6d ( I had a tight image). The big blind called. Flop As2dJd. He checked I bet all-in. He folded. I moved up to 34k in chips. 15 hands later I moved all-in for 20k with 8dTd and won the blinds. Now comes the good part. The next hand KK. I made it 4800 and an agressive player called. Flop Q26. I knew I could get a checkraise. I checked, she bet 6400 I move in and won. Now 37k. The next hand I get JJ. Blinds now 1k-2k 100 ante. I won the blinds. Now 41k. Two hands later 99. The same agressive player makes it 6k. I make it 36k. She goes all-in for 753 more with AK. I flop a Nine. Now 78k in chips. The next hand is AA. Wow. I make it 4800. Big stack flatcalls. K27 flop. I bet 6k he calls. I know he wants to take the pot away from me. Turn 8. I check he bets 12k. I make it 30k. He folds. Now 104k. Two hands later I get 88. I make it 6k. A player calls for 4555. The chip leader makes it 18k from the small blind. I have an easy call with position and the pot odds (12k to win 31k)plus the implied odds. Flop 85Q. He bets 20k. I just call. Turn T. he bets 50k. I raise 16k more all-in. He shows KK. River A. Our table breaks and I am the chipleader in the tournament with 216k. Amazing, In 9 total hands I went from 20k to 216k. Let me catch a rush like that in one of these WPT or WSOP events and we will all have a lot of cash to spend. So now I look at the big picture. The payouts are 2 10k seats and 8 175$ cashes. We are down to 18 players. I know I can put a little pressure on the medium stacks. I also know people will make some bad plays because of stack size. I lost a few small pots and was down to 170k. With the blinds now 2k-4k I made it 12k on the button with AK. The big blind went in for 25k more. I called. He showed T7. I was back to 210k. The next hand I made it 12k with A9. A player went all-in for 1k more with J9. Now I had 230k. We made it to the final table. The First hand I get AA in the small blind. All fold and the chipleader with 328k is the big blind. I make it 12k. He calls. Flop T73. I bet 8k feigning weakness. He makes it 36k. I raise 60k more and he folds. The next hand I get Ah6h and win the blinds. The next hand I get KK. A player goes all-in in front of me with 55k. I call and he has JJ. It holds up and I have 353k. There is 1.1 million in total chips. Blinds now 3k6k with 300 ante. I fold 7 hands and then make it 18k with AA. I win the blinds. The next hand I make it 18k with TdJd. The big blind defends with 190k in total chips. Flop is Jc8s8c. He checks. I bet 24k and he makes it 54k. Decision time. I was unsure of his hand. He could be making a play, have a draw, or have a better hand. I decided to call and see how to proceed. Turn 8. That makes things a lot easier. He checks. I bet 24k to give him a bad price in case he has an ace. He calls. River is 2h. he checks I bet 54k and he folds. Now I have 436k. Now I coast for a few hands. i picked up KK and made it 18k. A tight player went all-in for 94k and I called. he showed QQ. The kings held and I had 544k with 6 players left. Soon after we lost 2 more players and had a 5 minute break. A couple players were talking about a deal. I felt like I was in good shape,but a deal usually makes sense when you have the chip lead. The stacks were 574k for me. 2nd place ( a good agressive player ) had 393k. Third was a solid player with 101k in chips. 4th was a weak loose player with 45k in chips. We worked out a deal in which I gave up 750$ and the 2nd place guy gave up 2100$ and we got the seats with no risk. So, since I was already playing in the event, I cleared over 9k. This was a really fun experience for me. Tournament poker can be very frustrating at times. But, the feeling of catching cards and playing well, ultimately leading to winning, is pretty special. Hopefully, this will give me a nice jumpstart for a great trip to LA. Thanks, David