DUDE & DWEEB DAY

Apropos of absolutely nothing, did anyone but Kelso notice the resemblence between two of this weeks's newsmakers, Kirby Puckett and Zacharias Moussaoui?

DUDE

Ned Lamont, Selectman of the town of Greenwich, Connecticut, for announcing his primary challenge to Joe Lieberman for the Democratic Senate nomination. Lamont, apparently, made a fortune as an entrepreneur which takes away one of Pizza Face's favorite tools, the old canard about Democrats "loving the employee, but hating the employer." Lamont's educational bona fides are strong and he's enough of a Washington hand to have spent time at Brookings and one of the international affairs organizations. They all sound alike to Kelso. Lamont has neither been shy about his own progressive viewpoints on any number of subjects from abortion to Alito nor has he been shy about attacking Lieberman as a shill and an apostate. Ned Lamont may have enough dough to self-finance and that's real good, because Joe's God knows that the insurance industry and AIPAC will be pouring the money into the Lieberman campaign. Sending Sean Hannity's favorite Democrat back to wherever it is the Joe Liebermans of the world go would be a great thing in and of itself and a huge wake-up call to every chickenshit Democrat in the country. Lamont's a handsome dude and Lieberman may be the most hideous person in big-time poltics. At the very worst, Lamont could soften Pizza Face up for the return of Lowell Weicker who'll run as an Independent but caucus with the Democrats much the way Jeffords does.

DWEEB

Chuck Hagel. The guy has a Senate seat for life, more money than he can possibly count, and a decent chance to get on a national ticket -- because he's something of a truth-teller, not inspite of it. Yet, the prospect of the latter caused another Vietnam war "hero" to go out like a bitch and renege on his call for an investigation of the Bush Administration's domestic spying. Here's hoping Hagel not only fails to make it onto a national ticket, but also loses his Senate seat and most of his money. Screw him sideways. Funny thing about these Vietnam War "heroes" -- Hagel, Kerrey, Kerry, McCain -- not a single one of them can take a punch. They all fold with the tiniest bit of criticism. Hillary Clinton leaves much to be desired as a person and a politician but she has an iron fucking chin.

Good to see the high standards have been maintained at the Tissue Of Lies. Adam Nagourney is still trashing every Democrat at every opportunity. Adam, put down that copy of Blueboy Magazine, get your mouth from around Gannon/Guckert's bracciole, and answer Uncle Kelso's question: why is Dick Cheney "plain-spoken" and Howard Dean "angry"? Fuck you. Fellatio being the metaphor of the day, it's good to see that Elisabeth Bumiller's still got the Louisiana Lip-lock on George W. Bush's Love Pork Chop (we borry from Mojo Nixon here). One disappointing note from the Tissue Of Lies. It seems that John F. Burns, he of the Boy Scout's view of war, has offered the opinion that the Iraq War cannot be won. Really, now? Was it ever intended to be won? Of course not. It is intended to be continuous. Kelso was under the impression that Burns was an Englishman and had read some Orwell. Well, Kelso reckons now that yes Burns may be English but he's better versed in the work of Lord Baden-Powell and Margaret Thatcher. Fuck you, too.

NCAA hoops soon. A promise.

Kelso's Nuts love you.