BLOODIED BUT UNBOWED

A bout of food poisoning, the world of PPs, and a wretched losing streak on the ice has caused an interregnum in the queue, but we're back.

Some old business newly relevant. Your next president, John McCain. The absolute mega fucking worst. Aside from being a stone-cold loony, he's a coward and a bullshit artist par excellence. He's president and you'll miss Bush, boyo. So, let's sling the gossip. Kelso hears from an A+ source that the straight-talking guy and the Senate's most anti-gambling zealot has a bit of a jones himself. Very large credit line at Caesar's. Shoots craps every weekend. Has lost millions. Announced support of South Dakota's pending abortion ban and then tripped over his tongue trying to explain it. Hillary Clinton is a creep and a liar and has some very strong fascist (corporatist, not Nazi) tendencies, but Kelso would vote for her in a heartbeat over McCain. Sez here whatever is was that "Charlie" did wasn't enough.

Kelso has an old friend from high school days who demurred on a poker game because he was "heartbroken" over John Kerry's defeat. This fellow's a great guy and all, but what the fuck? What the fuck did he think was going to happen? Did he see the Democratic National convention? It was all over when Kerry showed up in uniform, saluted and announced he was "reporting for duty." Actually, it was over when Kerry joined Joe Lieberman in mocking Howard Dean in a debate when Dean said Saddam Hussein's "capture" was irrelevant to "our" safety. And what did Kelso's friend think would happen if Kerry were to be elected? Turn the USA into Iceland with guns? Would have been more of the same. Dude should have bucked up and played cards.

Oh, and in retrospect wasn't Barrack Obama's speech the most mawkish piece of crap you've ever heard? It sure struck Kelso that way. And what happened next? The Mets traded Scott Kazmir for Victor fucking Zambrano! Now, the combination of Kerry in uniform, Obama's drivel and the trade DID make Kelso cry. Obama has shown his colors: green, Right, White and a big problem. No? Another "bootstraps" story? Screw that noise. He voted for the bankruptcy bill! And now the Democrats are stuck with that schmuck for LIFE. Urgh.

And on the subject of crying, how much of a joke was David Brooks on "Manliness"? Kelso thinks he was against it which at least is honest because if there's one thing David Brooks isn't it's manly. Tom DeLay's a sleazebag but HE'S manly. David Brooks is the whiny wimp's whiny wimp. Brooks did inadvertently make a good point, though. In his ritual attack on Dean, he took Dean to task for being too manly, which is exacly what Dorothy Rabinowitz -- what do they call her? the conservative doyenne? -- was saying in her WSJ op-ed, expressing relief that John Kerry and not Dean was the nominee. As a woman, she said, for her, Dean buried Bush on real macho.

And all of this brings up a problem Kelso is starting to have with all of these Iraq vets running as Democrats for Congress. If they do sweep, and the Republicans maintain control, which they will, don't we have a recipe for something really bad. Does anyone really believe that these folks are doves now? This could be Karl Rove's master stroke. No believe? Check out Tammy Duckworth (D-ILL)'s views on shit. This ain't a liberal and Kelso feels real bad that she banged up some in Iraq but Kelso's seeing the real 5th column here. We can just thank our stars that Paul Hackett made way for Sherrod Brown in Ohio, although Brown will have his hands full with DeWine.

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OAKLAND
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