HOOK 'EM, HORNS

Well, first of all congratulations to UT for their magnificent championship win.

That's as pleasant as it's going to get. Kelso received a very provocative e-mail to a mass list from an old friend and occasional poster to the Nuts. Unfortunately, Kelso trashed it not because of content but rather because the virus scan gave it a little too long a look. As Kelso remembers, the guts of it was this: If you knew Hurricane Katrina was coming, what would you do? What would you do if you were black? Kelso had thought we'd already dealt with that kind of shit in the days following landfall. Nevertheless, as this e-mail went out to largely liberal, largely Jewish list, there's obviously still something going on out there, and it's probably pretty significant. At any rate, here was Kelso's answer: he would endeavor to get out of New Orleans as quickly as possible with as many possessions as possible. Failing that, he would steal everything that wasn't bolted down and hoard guns -- with safety and comfort being the keys. Kelso's guess is that's exactly what any one with any common sense would do. That so many Blacks were left with only Option B says a great deal more ill about our society than it does ill about the "black character."

That this e-mail came from this source highlights something hideous that ought to be dealt with openly. The American Jewish community usually breaks up into two camps on this subject. Kelso can only speak for himself and possibly for the more progressive portion of his cohort. He thinks slavery was a grievous wrong whose knock-on effects continue on and on. After that, he really doesn't spend much time thinking about it, to quote a greater man than Kelso! He hopes things will ameliorate over time and while government is not the answer it's probably part of the answer. To apply the Upper Middle Class standards to a community without Upper Middle Class means is absurd. Kelso pretty much takes each person individually and makes a decision as to whether that person could be a friend or not. And it's usually based upon commonality of interests.

The other side of Kelso's brethren and sistren allow their irrational fears to poison their judgement. Think Ed Koch. Joe Lieberman. Jackie Mason. Thomas Friedman. "Mike" Bloomberg. They lecture and hector and glory in their prejudice as the guilt and shame and fear build up. "Standards," of course is their litany and verse. As if any single person's standards apply to anyone else, let alone the standards of a highly privileged community to a community marbled with a lack of resources, lower life-expectancy, higher rates of disease across the board, etc.

It's not remarkable that some progressive Jews practice tolerance. It's remarkable to the extent which America's blacks practice tolerance and continue to do so in the face of all sorts of crap.

Finally, society should thank its lucky stars that Kelso was born white and privileged. He has enough hate and frustration in his heart as it is. Under more onerous conditions, Kelso would easily lose his shit.

When the Corporatist Theocracy is forced upon us, we Jews will have to make a decision. Kelso has made his. He doesn't want to be Ralph Reed's tea-boy, so he's going to get his weapons and join the fight on the other side, yes New Orleans-style. And the Ed Koches, Joe Liebermans and "Mike" Bloomberg's of the world can get ass-fucked and rot in pieces.

As for the fellow who sent this e-mail around, Kelso can only say "thanks." It gave him something to think about and helped him clarify his own mind on the subject. It makes a man almost glad about the OJ verdict just to bust balls. (Well, truth to tell, Kelso WAS pretty happy because he had taken 5/2 on the acquittal). Next time, though, don't include Kelso in this sort of shit. Life is too short and too precious to waste on feelings of ersatz superiority. There's money to be made, fucking to do, drugs to do, fun of all kinds to be had. YOU worry about "standards." Kelso has his own agenda. And it certainly doesn't involve deciding whether he's "better" than his black equivalent. Kelso isn't better than anybody, okay?

Kelso's Nuts love you.