JACK ABRAMOFF AND ME
Isn't Jack Abramoff's appearance surprising? Kelso was half-expecting a shady-looking hasidic Jew straight out of the Protocols Of The Elders Of Zion or Mein Kampf, given the man's connections to Christian religious extremists and his own personal orthodoxy, but the fucker looks a bit like George Clooney, no? No wonder he won the presidency of the College Republicans and got himself in a position to do all this. He's probably a blast to party with.
But of course he is. And all the usual hypocrisies are out there. He's using a top-c;ass criminal defense team headed by one of Bill Clinton's most effective counsels, Abbe Lowell. He made his private fortune promoting certain gambling interests and hurting others while lining the pockets of all manner of the staunchest anti-gambling politicians. There is no doubt in Kelso's mind that although Bob Ney, Tom DeLay and Ralph Reed's connections to Abramoff are at the fore, the Arizona Katzenjammer Kids, McCain and Kyl, are bound to surface here somewhere as will Bill Bennett to be sure.
It's kind of nice that the wicked are going to be punished, but Kelso has a lot of problems "rooting" for law enforcement. Kelso is a live-and-let-live guy, not a law-and-order guy and despite the hypocrisies, he takes no pleasure in this victory for "our" magnificent law-enforcement apparatus. And Kelso is fully aware that the culprits are all zero-tolerance for crime zealots in their public utterances. And, of course, although all the Floppers of the Nuts will be tired of this rant, Kelso does not wish any ill upon Mr. Abramoff during his time as a guest of the United States Of America. 9 years of tedium and isolation are plenty. Would Abramoff or any of his Right-Wing extend the same courtesy about a random car thief? Of course not, but that's not the point.
So, while it is nice that all the anti-gambling jackasses in both parties and especially the Christian Right of The Republican Party are going to feel a lot of heat, there are a number of knock-on effects that Kelso very much does not want to see obtain. If this is cast effectively by the prosecution as the corrupting influence on "real Americans" by the evil Jew Abramoff and the evil Irishman Scanlon, only hideous shit will follow. If gambling itself and the "Indians" are cast as public enemies and social cancers numbers 1 & 1A that would also be terrible. If somehow Bush and Cheney were to escape all of this that, too,would suck. Basically there are a lot of ways for this to go really wrong and only a couple of them to go right -- with the right people punished, the campaign finance system reformed, and the Salem-era attitude toward gambling in the US ended. Not bloody likely.
Fortunately, here at the Nuts, we are unencumbered by conflicts or hypocrisy. We are pro-choice, pro-gambling and pro fooball. Here are this weekend's NFL Wild Card Game picks. Feel free to enjoy them responsibly with the bookmaker of your choice whether affliated with Jack Abramoff or not.
* REDSKINS +2 1-2 -103 OVER BUCS
* JAGUARS +9 -108 OVER PATRIOTS
* GIANTS -2 1-2 -104 OVER PANTHERS
* BENGALS +3 -108 OVER PITTSBURGH
Kelso's Nuts love you.
4 comments:
Kelso
Its good to see your zeal in defense of the right to enjoy Games of Chance has not driven you to schadenfreude.
For my part, I can't help it. I hope to be able to see these dudes at least frog-marched down the capital steps and then cast into the very bowels of our correctional system.
They don't have to be pitsol-whipped or sodomized or anything, just slinging some of that Sodexho cafeteria food and sweepin' up after dudes doing 4-9 for selling dime bags of pot.
Anonymous:
Kelso has no problem with that. And when the right (Hillary Clinton included, of course) start making all that noise about prisoners having it too easy, we'll just have to check in on Jack and the gang are getting on and verify the statement one way or the other.
The reference to Salem reminded me of an interesting historical note: one of the major reasons for the witch trials was that the town leaders could not protect the populace from Indian attacks. In times of fear, paranoia and an ineffective "police", it is traditional to seek scapegoats; as seen again in the '50's with Communists, the bomb, and Joe McCarthy.
The current demonizations should therefore have been a predictable result of 9/11. And you sure seem to embody a lot of them, don't you Kelso? Guess that's why you keep talking about moving to Managua or wherever.
PS Did you remember that Frank Zappa once rhymed "Yo Mama" with "Managua"? (in the song "Yo Mama" I think)
Harvey:
Palermo, BA, Argentina, not Managua. 3000 sq ft, river vu, pre-WWII building, near the racetrack -- $300K US. No tax on gambling winnings. No tax on worldwide income.
Yeah, a penchant for gambling and fun and opposition to the war may make someone a candidate for demonization but the beats the everlovin' crap out of being named Mohammed.
Carry on.
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