PISS ON THE FIRE AND CALL IN THE DOGS? HELL, NO! PLUS A NOTE ON JAMES FREY, AND SOME MORE POKER BY ATHENS

The ultra-rich of the Senate Democrats -- Boxer, Cantwell, Dayton, Feinstein, Kennedy, Kerry, and Kohl -- have to just realize that THEY HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE AND MANY YEARS TO ENJOY THEIR MONEY, suck it up, and hit this prick Alito with everything they've got. It doesn't matter that Bush has 100 more just like Alito in reserve. It's about power and muscle and the willingness to put on a beating.

Kelso has to quote Stiff Little Fingers here who asked The Greatest Generation (ha!) the most profound question of all: "Is That What You Fought The War For?"

Oh, a quick note about James Frey's A MILLION LITTLE PIECES. Didn't read it...no plans to. That kind of stuff bores Kelso. Big deal that he took some narrative license. It's a "non-fiction" memoir, not THE TRUTH. In this genre there are frauds aplenty, Augustin Burrows and J.T. Leroy to name only two others of 100s. Kelso has passed on any number of these child-abuse/rape/crime/drug/prostition/rehab stories. They sell because of the schizophrenic nature of the American unwashed: Calvinism + Prurience+ Voyeurism = George W. Bush. These stories are BORING. Want something to read? APPOINTMENT IN SAMARRA by JONH O'HARA. CLOCKERS by RICHARD PRICE. MONEYBALL by MICHAEL LEWIS. EVERYTHING YOU KNOW by ZOE HELLER. Nevertheless, Kelso is neutral on Oprah, but it's her own damn fault for being so eager to get on the ever-popular anti-drug train. P.T. Barnum was right. Want to make money? Write a prurient book that ends up a cautionary tale about vice. For just once, Kelso would like to see someone write a graphic cautionary memoir about cigarettes, alcohol or driving a car -- all of which kill more than ALL DRUGS COMBINED. Fuck these memoirs, but Frey is hardly the worst or the most craven of them and Kelso is sorry he's had to become a national joke.

Kelso's Nuts love you.

Put us in the game again, Athens:

I love Poker. I had a blast tonight and displayed the form that will one day soon win me a Major tournament. I entered the 7:15 500$ NLH at the Gold Strike. Before driving over I ran into a massage therapist in the Lobby who I have known for a while. She travels the tournament circuit and we had a nice chat and discussed a number of topics. I found this amazing- at the World Series this year Harrah's kept 70 % of what the massage therapists made. I drove over, grabbed a quick bite ( not too much or I get sleepy), and sat down to play. We started with 2k in chips 25-50 blinds and 40 minute levels. About 10 minutes in I raised to 200 one off the button with K10 off. The small blind made it 500 and with that price plus posisition I took the flop. Flop was rags and he checked. I felt he had missed ( he just seemed weak )but I might as well check to see his action on the turn. Turn also a rag and he checked again. I bet 600 and took the pot. A couple hands later I limped behind 2 limpers with 78. A player one off the button made it 200 and both limers plus the big blind called. This was a great spot because I would effectively have the button after the flop since the other players would have to react to the raiser ( assuming he bet postflop ) before I acted. Flop 8s8h6s =). We all checked and the raiser bet 600. They all folded and I figured I should just shove in since it was early and people are generally willing to go allin easily at the beginning of a tournament. He called with TT and I doubled up to almost 6k. The next 2 hours were spent getting moved to 4 different tables with only one pot of note as I reraised a steal raise with 99. He had AJ and I won the coin flip. Now is where it gets fun and interesting. With the blinds at 400-800 75 ante, An Tran was on the button and raised my big blind he made it 2k and we both had about 10k. I was dead sure he was stealing ( I know his play ) and moved in with 56. He folded. I had an older novice tournament player to my right who gave away his hand by his raise amount. 3x or more was strong and less was weak and could be restolen. I picked up some chips this way a couple times. Now I had 26k and we had about 40 players left ( 27 paid ). I raised with AK to 4200 ( 800-1600 blinds) and a tight lady who was shortstacked went allin for 5500. An Tran went over the top for 5k more and I felt he was just trying to isolate the shortstack. I had an easy call but An Tran also had AK and the lady had TT. She tripled up. We got to the money bubble of 28 players and I had 20k. The button who had slightly less made it 4500 and I had 66. I decided to move in for a few reasons. We were on the bubble, He was in a steal posisition, and I had a legit hand. He had 77 and called quickly which was suprising. I lost and was down to 2400, the short stack. I took it in stride and tried to play my best. I had a tough decision a few hands later. I had Jc8c and the same player who had 77 raised and I recognized that I could probably get it heads up getting pot odds of close to 3-1. But I may find a better spot ( it is easy to get good odds when shortstacked and antes are involved ). Although I am definetely playing to win, getting low cash of 770$ was very feasable by letting someone else go busted. So I folded. Sure enough a player went out and I also got a huge break. They redraw for seats at 27 players and I got 1 behind the button for 5-6 more free hands. I know that late in a tournament you can runa short stack up quickly and I boldly stated to the table that I would turn my 2k into 20k by my big blind. A player who was kinda short went allin in 2nd posisition and I had A9 and a huge overlay for my last 1600 with the dead money in the pot. He had K9 =) and I had 5500. I picked up AQ vs another short allin and beat J5d. I now had 15k in chips. Next theFirst player in raised double to 4000 with the big blind automatically all-in and I looked down to see KK I decided not to mess around and went all-in. He folded and I won to go to 26k. So I ran 1800 into 26k in five hands. Wow. I had the same predictable Old man to my right again and he raised to 5k and I went allin with A4. He folded. A few hands later I raised in first position with 22 to 5500 and a player two to my left went allin for 17k. He counted out his chips which I read as weakness. It was like he was making sure I knew he was reraising a good bit. The pot was laying me slightly over 2-1 and I asked him if he had AK or a pair. My read was he wanted a fold so I called he showed KQ =). But, He Flopped three Kings,ouch, and I was back down to 9k. I stole a few chips to get back to 15k and we redrew at 18 players. Now the binds and antes were huge at 1500-3000 with 500 ante and average stack at 30k. I picked up a few sets of blinds and was around 22k. I raised with A7 first in on button. I went all-in so I would not be reraised and plus the big blind only had 12k total. The big blind had AK and I was back to 10k. I picked up some more blinds and then an interesting hand came up. A player went all-in for 1000, another player went allin for 3500 and the same player who had beaten me with 77 called the 3500. I read him as weak and saw and opportunity for a great tournament play.I had 57 in the small blind and about 14k total. If I could get him to fold I would be wagering 2k vs the allins with live cards and odds of 16500 to 2000. He made a great read of my play and called me with K10- wow. Flop was TJ3.=(. Turn was 9 and I called out loud for an 8. River 8.. I had busted 2 players and had 43k in chips. I felt the tournament was mine to win now. I knew I would get action on any hands I picked up now. I did not find a good spot for the next 12 or so hands. With 14 players left and blinds about to go to 2k-4k I had As6c on the button. I made it 8k because the small blind had me covered and the big blind would play the same hands with either a big or small raise. The big blind called and I knew he was moderately strong but not real strong. Flop 7c5c4h. He went allin for 10500. I was getting almost 3-1 and had 8 outs twice with the straight draw plus an ace may win. Also he could have a had like JcQc. I called. He showed Ah7h. He would have called an all-in preflop. Turn 2h. River 5d. I was down to 15k. One hand later I had TJ and raised to 9k two off the button. The big blind who had the KQ earlier when I made the nice call with 22 reraised. The pot was laying 28k to 5500 and I was forced to call. He had AdKd so at least I had two live cards and a 35-40% chance of winning. Flop Kh7s5d and I'm in trouble. Qd on turn and I have 6 outs. River 8c and I'm out in 13th for 1,261$. It did not take me too long to shake off getting knocked out, as I am so happy with my play. I made some great reads, moved my chips well, Made a huge comeback a couple of times, and was the Force to be dealt with at most of my tables. This gives me a ton of confidence going forward.