CLAMATO JUICE STRAIGHT WITH NO CHASER (Kelso is giving himself three bells for that deeply-finessed pun -- R3 & R4 Masters Golf opinions to anyone who can unwind it. Clues follow...)

Back to Libby. And, no, there will be NO apology for sexist remarks in yesterday's posting. Janene Garofalo could use a HS Civics class and an American History Survey Class but she's got her vitriol pitch-perfect. If the compromising Women, Homosexuals and Negroes don't love themselves, it's certainly not encumbent upon our side to love them. Miller comments stand. But we're getting adrift. This implication of Bush in the Valerie Plame business may be Rove and Cheney's best move yet and perhaps Libby's balls are still in Judith Miller's purse. Viddy. If Bush approved the revelation of an undercover operative's name, he has committed a number of felonies, to be sure. But who has the slightest interest in prosecuting him? Not the Republican Congress. Not the Republican law-enforcement apparatus. And certainly not the Republican judiciary. The COINTELPRO-redux of spying on American citizens was probably a worse crime than revealing some CIA operative's name. (Any Liberal out there really think Valerie Plame is Angela Davis or Bernadette Devlin in an Ann Taylor suit? She was a Republican agent married to a Republican diplomat and her political views are probably to the right of Reagan's and to the left of Hitler's. She just got a little unlucky in that Joe went off the ranch). So, Bush gets up there, repeats that he was "protecting America" in a time of war and we're all good to go. What's the problem? Does Patrick Fitzgerald think he's stronger than the entire Republican party and the entire mainstream media and every white person in America combined? If he does, he has Kelso's admiration but he has deluded himself. He has no shot of making any case against anyone but Libby himself and depending on what sort of deal Libby cut in exchange for ratting on Bush, Libby himself may be in pretty good shape.

It sez here that Libby doesn't spend any time behind bars, and that may not be a bad thing, either. If the prosecution of Koon, Wind, Powell and Briseno showed us anything it was that the media is always ready to put the criminal justice system under scrutiny when someone in power and white faces Stony Lonesome. That's pathetic and hypocritical but Kelso's not complaining. Our criminal justice system needs a good review from the ruling class and should probably be scrapped altogether. Kelso dinnae care what anyone says, but 5 years of sexual bondage is not the right penalty for selling drugs or stealing a car. Anyone who says it is ought to try it some time.

And on to something more personal -- private school vouchers. President Raisin Brain has weighed in on the side of vouchers for New York City. Kelso won't swear to it but Mayor Mike is a pretty solid favorite to be for them. And the Tissue Of Lies had a wonderful news article in yesterday's Metro section with the conceit that the minority communities are all for it. Calvin Butts may be for it because he rates to be collecting vouchers if he starts an Abyssinian Baptist Church School, but don't tell us that if a garden-variety minority is for it it's for any reason other than he or she pockets the $500 voucher, sells it on the black market for $300 and sends the kid to the local public school anyway. Let's get real for a second. A $500 voucher doesn't get a minority kid into Dalton or Ethical Culture or even a good Catholic school. And fuck you all by the way. Kelso, Jr., is in public school and is staying there. That's not to say that had Kelso's alma mater (the fancy school named after a town in the Berkshires) had taken Kelso, Jr., he wouldn't have gone. But precocious Jewish boys are a dime-a-dozen in New York. The private schools don't want them because the teachers and the adminsitration don't want to deal with Trinidad versus Vargas every day and that's how young boys are, Jew or Gentile. The privates, though, are stuck with taking 50% boys, so they take the really rich kids, the celebrity kids, the true prodigies, the passive boys, one or two "special" cases and that's it. The precocious Jewish girls, one imagines, get a fairer shake.

Kelso's also planning to pocket the voucher and, additionally, he's planning to put his MBA to good use and make the black market in the vouchers.

It may be necessary to issue this reminder: Kelso's Nuts is NOT about finding answers to society's problems. You want that? Go to the Huffington Post or Eric Alterman or The American Prospect. They have plenty of great ideas for compromise and getting along and fucking solving society's problems. Kelso's Nuts is only about venting, criticizing things we don't know about, and realizing that if we have to be burdened with the knowledge that our lives are finite and suck, we get to scream. The Right figured that shit out a long time ago. If they can get off American Exceptionalism, Religious Fundamentalism, and the infallability of the leaders, Kelso might buy. At least they're honest about their greed.

Have a pleasant weekend.

Kelso's Nuts love you.