HAPPY RETURN-OF-BEN-SHEETS SUNDAY
He's going against the Mets but he is fucking great. A 1-0 Mets win would be very nice, indeed.
Adventures in blogland: one lost friend, one strongly-veiled physical threat against Kelso. The party of the second part said, finally and quite rightly, "this is a only a blog, after all." True, it's all supposed to be for fun, for the craic. Kelso had been blissfully unaware of the blog speech code and had wandered blindly into volatile situation with his Anglo-Saxon oaths and frank talk about sex. Christ, Kelso has tried to make enemies with his political ocmmentary! But Anglo-Saxon oaths and sex talk? Those are as common as mud in the blogosphere.
Kelso is reminded of a family trip to San Diego. As we passed the pool in the doxy Poway Inn, Kelso, Sr., remarked that as a kid he could never bring himself to swim in a public pool if people were wearing crosses. Tribal loyalties ran a little higher in the days of Father Coughlin, though. If William Donahue and his odious Catholic League are any kind of examples, they still do. We do like Christine Quinn for Mayor, though. Kelso, Jr., thankfully is still free of prejudice of any kind: neither dark-skinned people nor crackers (Southern or NYC variety) cause him any trouble, all just kids to him. Be nice to be six years old again.
But Kelso has been hipped by Mrs. Kelso to a very good blog called downwithtyranny! In it Kelso noticed the only other contrarian opinion on Senator Barrack Obama (D-ILL). As noted before, Kelso first smelled a rat during that repulsive speech at the DNC ..."we pray to a mighty God in the Blue States..." Kelso's suspicions were confirmed when Obama voted in favor of the bankruptcy bill. Bad economics. Bad law. Bad social policy. One big shiver in the bond market and everybody gets foreclosed upon. What happens then? We don't have a strong political culture in this country, but we sure do have a history of riots and mayhem. And when the lights go out, Obama will be no safer than anyone else.
As downwithtyranny! explains with regard to something else, Obama's senate mentor is none other than the Pizza Face himself, St. Joe Lieberman. Guess Lieberman like all that God talk in Obama's mawkish DNC speech. And wasn't Lieberman along with "Democrats" Biden and Carper (for obvious reasons) one of the biggest proponents of the bill? Have Clarence Thomas, Condoleeza Rice and Colin Powell taught nobody anything? That fascism comes in many colors? Go back and listen to a 1992 CD by Oakland rapper Paris called "Sleeping With The Enemy".
Vitriolic racial and ethnic comments on Easter Sunday? Why the FUCK not? We are proud atheists here at The Nuts.
A short postscript really intended for the boyz -- but if cuz Laura and cuz Jo in London are reading, you'll dig this, too -- Kelso, Kelso, Sr., and Kelso Jr., all watched the replay of the Mayweather-Judah fight, in English and Spanish -- Jr. needs his practice after all and as Pedro and Mayweather are Kelso Jr's heroes he gets plenty of practice. Junior was just happy to see Mayweather take another belt. Kelso, Senior and Ga-Ga Kelso (editrix of Desert Man, the finest boxing handicapper on the planet) had their suspicions; this being a Don King fight and Pretty Boy just dominating the thing. Ddn't it just seem like Judah was sent out there with the role of creating a melee to drum up interest in a rematch so as to line Don King's pockets? Looked that way to the elder Kelsos anyway.
All Six Kelso's nuts love you. Toss in Six Kelso ovaries (Kelso mere, cuz North, and cuz South) and there's lots of love to around.
21 comments:
We pray to a mighty god in the Blue States? Is this hilarious?
I am older, Budweiser?
What did Delaware? A New Jersey?
I am building a Led Zeppelin?
I hope I am not wrong about this.
Perfectly right, tio -- on puns that is.
On Obama's fantasyland, however, no one really knows until they join the majority.
He's still a tool -- to mix metaphors, neither fish nor fowl.
Kelso- thank you for your comments on my IRS rant, I wish you had put them on the site so others could benefit from your opinion. I know that requires registration but thats pretty easy, and unlike many sites that invade privacy, I like that those boys are pretty good.
I have been away (busy, busy) and am not even sure what is with all the threats and "issues" but hopefully its none of my business as I really just like to shoot the breeze and talk about politics, debate a bit on things I am undecided on. Thats about it!
Anyway- hope you and yours had a good weekend. People are real touchy lately- must be the Easter spirit....
And I did not mean to suggest a flat tax would solve everything and my opinions on military spending would take a while to hash out here, but what we currently HAVE is not working so well either and its damned expensive to administer. That was my point on the IRS. Much waste and inefficiency. I think people on teh left have to go after spending and wasteful bureaucracy if we are to contribute meaningfully to policy discussions just as the right need to step up on their corruption and pork buffet.
What do you mean with this deputize thing? And the harassment thing? Who's harassing me? I haven't been home. In fact Dude posted my Blue Republic piece because I haven't even been online! Too busy. So obvisouly I missed many things these past few days... and obviosuly there are hard feelings going around but for the record, I am cool with all.
I cannot spell today, soooo tired. Sorry.
LILY:
Here is the short course. Anita suggested to me that I check out the Auroras because they, like me, are Met fans. Nothing more.
When I checked out the blog, it struck me as a fairly bog-standard, Right-Libertarian site for boys, with the added New York Mets twist, so being something of a boy myself, I jumped right into the pool, responding to some piece they had attempting to quantify the perfection of women's asses.
It struck me as a little childish and I said so in colorful language, the essence being that I personally liked sex and that if I spent too much time worrying about whose ass is more perfect: J-LO or Kylie Minogue (neither of which I'd ever have a chance to be with if I had the number of lifetimes equal to the grains of sand on a beach factorial), the only sex I'd be having would be hand-bracciole.
Apparently, I forgot to read the fine print on the blog. Anglo-Saxon oaths (George Carlin's 7 words) are either not permitted or severely discouraged. Odd for a Right-Wing Lad blog, I think, but my bad. I should have read the rules.
Anita lost her -- um -- effluence with me called me classless, etc., narcissistic, lacking in self-respect, and that I had basically embarrassed her in front of the Auroras.
I responded in kind without Anglo-Saxon oaths but with some sharp words, more in figurative language. This was either followed or preceded by a threat from the Auroras to do me violence, to which I responded by giving my home address and offering them the choice of being arrested for aggravated mayhem or having perhaps a visit from some Russians of my acquaintance who wouldn't take to that sort of thing so well considering all of the excellent football and baseball handicapping I had provided over the years. Anita pushed the threat forward a little by saying that I didn't know who I was talking to (ooooo, scaaaary). Did she mean they were G's of some sort: cops, Westies, LCN? Not a clue. I'd still trust my Russians to protect me if things got hideous.
Cooler heads among the Auroras prevailed and it seems me and the boyz are compadres again. With Anita? Not so much. She had also accused me of harrassing you! I didn't think I had, so I wanted to check it with you first.
As for "deputizing for me," what I had wanted a few weeks back was for you to write Kelso's Nuts for me while I was in Nevada. That's all.
As for the Auroras, I guess I'm old-school (I am 44 after all) and I don't get how un-PC harmonizes with speech codes or how one talks about sex without talking about fucking, but to each his own. I suppose the FLAT TAX, FLAT CHEST pun was OK, but doesn't like Loaded or Maxim or something of that sort have websites? Don't they hire good writers?
And there you have it.
Oh, being the paranoid nutball he is, Kelso discussed this all with an attorney and some Russians and wondered if a certain villain would be needed for the job! Both had a good laugh at Kelso's expense, saying something like "you don't need X!" and that "Kelso was the dumbest smart-kid" they had ever met! That "nobody who is going to hurt you warns you days in advance on the internet!!!"
Apparently, it was some conceit to rhyme beef, theif, teeth and Keith or somesuch. Pretty clever, actually.
I read downwithtyranny's Obama article including the Kelso's Nuts comment, and I think I am finally getting the picture on bathetic and mawkish. Nice work.
The man is the point guard for the Muslim Republic of Indonesia.
China is 10% Muslim. Please multiply. That is a lot of Muslims.
If bathetic and mawkish lands safely at "Shit Joke Writ Large Airport" then there may be hope. Its all in Chinese unfortunately, at McTrixie blog, explained in English. Indonesia is too important to this guy.
...and the Straits of Malacca between Indonesia and Singapore/Malaysia is the site of half of Asian Sea Piracy, which forms more than half the world total.
And speaking of nuts and ovaries, this is something I always forget to add; IF YOU COULD READ CHINESE THIS BARACK OBAMA PROBLEM WOULD FALL APART IN YOUR HANDS LIKE A BALL OF SAND.
Which statement is about 75% accurate. And which Indonesian economy is about 75% Chinese. Its like you have to speak English to deal with Margaret Thatcher or George Bush.
Veritas.
And tho it hurts the etiquette to do so, Comment 4: I have to say something about Keith's Beef.
DALIAN.
Only the beef and dental ceramics capital of China!
Ya know!
Man, I fucking LOVE this McTrixie, what a spoken word poet. Friend, no lie, if you are in the NYC area at all this spring and summer I can get you a gig with a very cool spoken word crew called "The Talking Stick". Google them. It's worth it. I did a flaming of Phil Mikcelson that went over good.
As far as "bathetic" and "mawkish" goes...thing "HALLMARK HALL-OF-FAME meets OPRAH WINFREY."
At any rate, can no longer speak for Anita, but it's all good with Auroras and Lily.
Thanks for visiting.
--Kelso
Yeah, Dalian means big connection. See you there.
In Santa Monica.
Legal problems, friend. As in PULP FICTION "my Calfornia privileges have been revoked"...perhaps, it was Anita who ought to have warned Aurora whom they were dealing with, no?
McTrixie:
It's all good between me and Aurora. Mexican (heh-heh) stand-off. To mix metaphors: if it all goes wrong at the drop of a hat, it will end in tears, and over what? I love those Aurora boyz the way I love all Met fans and anyone who puts their opinions out there even if I don't agree.
Mark my words there will NEVER be hostile words, let alone violence, between The Auroras and Kelso and his Crew. Full stop.
California. YK, in all my time in the Southland, or LA, I only went to Hollywood to hang out once! To play pool.
I am not sure what kind of privilege it is to go shopping, go to work, and to deal with anti-Asian racism with one's Asian-born American girlfriend.
Except, she was a popular person who really knew how to talk. It takes so much invention to survive in such a world. Which is my world now. It mainly consists of normal MIT level science and normal rap and metal radio. People are so interested in this literacy that it isn't too difficult to keep one's feet on the ground. It's like owning a 5-pound bag of sugar in a room full of orphans. If one doesn't keep doling out the sugar, then what the heck is one doing there? Metaphor reflected on, doesn't it seem like a valuable life to lead? I know I'm intellectually and writeristically satisfied. It's not like Chinese is boring.
Tarantino dove into Asian waters, my friend, and forgot to towel off the schistosomiasis. Gulf Stream Florida by J Church. Sad sad story, I don't like it one bit. Its a word to the wise. Its the moral equivalent of showing up at an Inter Milano meeting the week before the world cup and blowing people away with Ragu Spaghetti sauce. Looks nice, but really isn't. I know better.
Not to mention, in Coppola's daughter's Japan movie, the background conversation runs like an abusive college frat conversation; ya know. Ought to put some money in a DT NY movie like that. It would be worth it. One would think. Oscar my ass. Bill Murray my ass. Gung Ho my ass. Verbatim: What are these douchebags doing here? Absolutely divorced from my experience in Asia, as divorced as the Gulf Stream itself is from California waters.
How about Nollywood, instead? The future.
Should known you'd get the same literate crap as you get in the blog.
Agree, Big Mac. I slept through half of it. She wasn't bad in Match Point, though.
To put this baby to rest one more time...
Beastie Boys
Shake Your Rump
Yeah we've got beef chief We're knocking out teeth chief
And if you don't believe us you should question your belief Keith
What can I say I have a tendancy to quote Jewish rappers. As your comrades perceptively noted, it wasnt an actual threat so pay no mind to that black van on the corner. Regarding the Aurora, you aint offended us yet, as you call it..its all about the dozens over there. Heck if being called a 12 yr old is the worse Im called Im doing something wrong.
Well, its like a Korean movie crew would have zero ignorance of what was going on in English in the world at large, let alone on their own movie set. Unless Sofia is using some method I am not familiar with.
Drunken Tiger, straight outta yesasia.com mailorder, is strictly pretty good. They do a rap Layla that's more than pretty good.
Post a Comment