GO WATCH SOME LAW & ORDER NOW, SUCKERS

But read this first.

http://www.pensacolanewsjournal.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20071005/NEWS01/71005017

This is your wake up call from far away. Your problem goes way deeper than George W. Bush. Your problem is very simple and very difficult. So long as "federal prosecutor" is the most honored profession in the United States Of Embarassment, Bush's presidency will happen over and over and over again, whether it's Clinton in charge or Giuliani or Mickey Mouse.

From which cultural sewer do you think Iraq and the SCHIP veto and The Department Of Homeland Security spring? The same goddamned one that gave you Cotton Mather and Carrie Nation and Jerry Falwell and this cretin Atchison.

Everywhere else in the developed world the Prosecutor is the equivalent of the Boogeyman and kids use the title to SCARE each other. Not in America, oh no. The FEDERAL PROSECUTOR is the secular and often religious saint. Take a look at your saint now, suckers. John D R Atchison. Fucking SHORT EYES. You reckon he's the only one? Kelso's not even going to condemn the sick fuck for being a coward and committing suicide. He, evil as he was, evil and cruel and indifferent as most prosecutors are, took the rational course. Better a little pain now than a lot of pain for a lot of years. If every American were as rational....

Until this law enforcement and punishment worship stops, Bush/Cheney will repeat over and over and over again. Other than Dennis Kucinich and Ron Paul is there a single candidate for President who is against the death penalty? Is there a single candidate for President who has proposed reviewing the systems of mandatory mimima and no parole? Is there a single candidate outside those two who would rethink 3-strikes-and-you're-out? Or rethink the received wisdom that prison rape should be part of the official sanction? Is there a single candidate for President who would rethink the "war on drugs"? Kucinich and Paul and pray for rain and that's it. So, you all have to look deep inside yourselves and figure out what makes this law enforcement thing so fucking sexy? To Kelso, it's anything but. It's repulsive.

And don't DARE to step to Kelso with any of this Bobby Kennedy bullshit. He was the worst of the worst. McCarthy's shine-boy. The ONLY difference between Bobby Kennedy and Roy Cohn is that Kennedy was aggressively straight and Cohn was aggressively gay. You had one, one attorney general with a single ounce of compassion in the history of the USA -- Ramsey Clark. Full stop. That's it. Janet Reno? Puh-leeze. Waco? Weaver family? This was one bloodthirsty woman. But she wasn't the problem. They're all like that. Sadists. Careerists. Nerds. Or twisted up fucks like Atchison, Giuliani, Chertoff and Ken Starr.

There is no greater appellation a journalist can bestow upon a source than "career prosecutor". You want to know why warrantless wire-tapping sailed through a Democratic Congress? Because Democrats are Americans just like Republicans are. They love to PUNISH just the same.

Your homework is to take a one second pause when you read or hear "career prosecutor" and don't think CRUSADER FOR JUSTICE. Think CHILD MOLESTER. Just for one second. And then think of your Constitution. A live conversation with D-CUP reminded Kelso of just how great that constitution is. Don't forget, the American Revolution was not a revolution as such, it was a shooting war over tax policy. The anterior owners of the means of production were the same as the posterior ones. Unlike the French Revolution in which the merchant class did briefly topple the monarchy and aristocracy. In Philadelphia, however, there was a bizarre moment in history in which 30 of history's greatest legal minds happened to get together at the same time. How many times before has that happened? Perhaps, once in Ancient Rome. Perhaps, once in Ancient Greece. Perhaps, among the 9th Century Vikings. Perhaps, in England following the battle of Hastings. Perhaps, in the Golden Age Of Spain. That's it. The glorious French Revolution and all that followed turned into a bloodbath fast and slow-motion as in Russia. Remember that Constitution, suckers. It allows for competitive criminal and civil trials. "Technicalities"? Christ, the framers never anticipated that the defense would have to play with 90/10 loaded dice in favor of the prosecution.

Or continue to hate those that are not like you or those of whom you are jealous. Or those you fear for no good reason. And worship your Savonarolas. Please. You are not alone. There are 200,000,000 just like you. Watch Law & Order. Buy the products. But don't cry when it's your turn. When you are deprived due process just remember how much you enjoyed it when you saw it happen on the TV. Remember how the profession "baseball player" or "hip-hop superstar" made you feel anxious and jealous and how goddamned calm you felt hearing "career prosecutor."

Don't cry when Clinton escalates the war and signs into law some extension of the PATRIOT ACT which will deny you the same excellent cellphone service everyone else in the world enjoys because it would "OTHERWISE DEPRIVE LAW ENFORCEMENT OF THE TOOLS IT NEEDS IN THE WAR ON TERROR."

But remember that CAREER PROSECUTOR JOHN D R ATCHISON, CHILD MOLESTER, was a beneficiary of those tools. And if this all strikes anyone as strange or anarchistic in some way, it isn't, but too bad. The consitution provides for certain things, "ESSENTIAL TOOLS IN THE WAR ON TERROR" and the right to molest children are not among those things.

Kelso much prefers the Tom Robinson Band's version of LAW & ORDER to Dick Wolf and Fred Thompson's:

Law & Order

Well I'm six foot nothing of muscle and bone
With my Colt .45 I weigh seventeen stone
Got a Stetson hat and a big cigar
And I clean up trouble with my little tin star

Law and Order... trouble in a bulletproof vest
Law and Order... I'm the troubleshooting king of the West

Well I cleaned up the commies and the longhaired bums
All the Chinee, queers and Red Indian scum
I cleaned out the liquor, loose women and dope
And put the uppity niggers on the end of a rope

Law and Order... trouble in a bulletproof vest
Law and Order... I'm the troubleshooting king of the West

My mommy held tupperware parties
Had acne when I was a boy
Headed out West - expanded my chest
Now they treat me like the real McCoy

Now I never get trouble from nobody else
I can sit right back and feel proud of myself
Got the cleanest city this side of the West
It's so damn clean there ain't nobody left

Law and Order... trouble in a bulletproof vest
Law and Order... I'm the troubleshooting king of the West

I'm the cotton-pickin', high fallutin',
Rooty-tootin', put-the-boot-in
Troubleshooting king of the West

That song was written in 1978. Remind anyone of anyone or anyones in particular? The song is pretty funny but it's hard to find out there.

Kelso's Nuts love you