TUESDAY'S BEEF STEW (VEAL RAGOUT?) WITH TWO PIECES OF BUBBLE GUM FOR DESSERT

Kelso actually started out with a simple point to make. He wanted to tell a story he'd heard of one time a wealthy, liberal Jewish man really stuck it into the ass of an even wealthier Washington State John Bircher and quasi-Nazi back in 1974. This was supposed to follow on some thoughts on AIPAC Kelso had expressed to DIANE TOMLINSON AND THE DAILY PITCHFORK. To get to the story Kelso caught an opportunity not only to tell that story but to recall a rather pleasant evening about three years ago and the dinner at which the essential story was told. In doing so, Kelso realized, he'd come off as quite the elitist which was actually OK because it served as yet another counterpoint to a rather heartless and show-offy right-wing rant in a comment praising Bush's veto of SCHIP over the HELLIONS condemnation of same. As the idea became more and more of a stew -- a dog's dinner, really -- it didn't see like a bad idea to throw in some pop music in the American Top 40 of the time of the story. This is all going to be an indecipherable mish-mash, but here goes.

It started out with a report DIANE TOMLINSON filed on HELL'S TAB upon return to the West from Teheran. That post combined with an e-mail she sent Kelso touched on something that has been alternately frightening and scalding Kelso's Nuts: the possibility verging on likelihood of War On Terror 2: IRAN. It's starting to look like it's going to happen and if it does it will have to be nuclear. This brought up the question that if AIPAC and the Rapturists have any influence instead of being necessary bothers to Cheney, it is important now for another wealthy Jew to step forward and tell AIPAC to cut the shit and lick the knife. George Soros has already done more than his share. Barry K. Schwartz, Calvin Klein, and Ace Greenberg all seem like good candidates to step up and do for tolerance and peace what Felix Rohatyn and Carl "The Chief" Rosen did half a generation ago.

The story ultimately goes back to 1974 although Kelso heard it three years ago when invited to a boy's night out with Rosen's son Andrew (CEO of Theory Clothing), plus Carl Rosen's attorney, a old-timer whose wife has been an attorney and a higher up at State when Bill Clinton was president. Also in attendance were a couple of hedge-fund managers who bundled for Howard Dean and a professional poker player. And your old Uncle Kelso, who earlier that year had offered a very strong opinion on Smarty Jones's chances of winning the Kentucky Derby following SJ's smashing win in the Southwest Stakes at Oaklawn Park in Arkansas. A compatriot of the fund-managers who was skeptical of SJ told the fund managers in no uncertain terms that Smarty Jones couldn't get 1 1-4 miles in a pickup truck!

As we know Smarty won the race easily and damned near won the Triple Crown. It was your normal weeknight city business/finaance dinner expect this wasn't an average business dinner. The restaurant was super-upscale Italian and we were as raucus as any other table of Wall Streeters except we were liberal. We weren't chanting RU-DY. RU-DY. RU-DY. We talking a lot more about race and politics from a wholly left wing perspective and it was a real treat to see another Nazi, Teddy Forstmann, come over to kiss Rosen The Son's ring. [Note the commenter AMY ALKOON or whateverthefuckshescalled over HELL'S TAB: you may take great pride in living in a box under an overpass yet STILL refuse government aid, but Kelso's not in a real big hurry to life-swap with you]. Hanging out in nice places to eat with dudes who make shit happen seems like more fun that living in that box. You are a right-winger with street cred, hon? Big fucking deal. Come to think about it, being a member of the Frost family also seems better than living in box under an overpass. On Kelso-mere's eyes not one man at that table at that fancy Italian restaurant was opposed to single-payer health, SCHIP or was for war with Iraq or Iran. All Jewish, btw. It really is time for the majority of us to tell AIPAC that they don't speak for us. They don't own us. WE FUCKING OWN THEM.

Over dessert, Carl "The Chief" Rosen's former attorney recalled fondly a match race that was held in the summer of 1974 (hence, the two Summer 1974 bubble gum hits of a country and soul variety) between Rosen's own CHRIST EVERT winner of that year's TRIPLE CROWN FOR FILLIES at Belmont Park and a decent horse called MISS MUSKET who was one of the better 3YO fillies in the country that year, and was owned by the famous, racist, white speratist billionaire logging company owner from Washington State, Aaron U. Jones, and was based in Southern California where the match race was to be held at Hollywood Park. Link follows.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chris_Evert_(horse)

The racetrack put up some prize money and Rosen and his attorney had aleady bet quite a bit into the pari-mutuel windows on CHRIS EVERT. The attorney says to Rosen, "let's really get that anti-semite cocksucker pig -- I'm going to see if I can bet $2 miilon for us with him against Miss Musket." As you can see from the wikipedia entry the Carl Rosen's CHRIS EVERT beat MISS MUSKET by 50 lenghts at 6/5 odds.

Rosen's lawyer finished the story by saying "the ONLY good thing I can say about Aaron Jones is that a $2,400,000 certified check was in Carl's hands the following Monday."

For what it's worth, Kelso had a double Jameson's on the rocks pre-dinner, salmon carpaccio as an appetizer, and a linguine with veal ragout as main course, followed by a mixed green salad, balsamic vinaigrette no oil. Assorted fruit sorbets for dessert. "Limousine Liberal"? "Champagne Socialist?" You bet your ass.

For dessert here, however, we serve the bubble gum hits at the time of CHRIS EVERT's magnificent win over MISS MUSKET. And "Chief" Rosen's schoolhousing of his Nazi opponent.

Kelso's Nuts love you