WEEK 1 RESULTS OF KELSO V Lady Judith Francesca de la Samlð
The Oracle at Acheron NCAA Football Handicapping Contest, PLUS A LAZY MAN'S THOUGHTS ON ANN COULTER'S LATEST TITS-UP
KELSO: -2.02 units from --
RUTGERS [-18] SYRACUSE -1.01/1 WINNER
OHIO [-4.5] EASTERN MICHIGAN -1.05/1 WINNER
OHIO STATE [-30] KENT -1.05/1 WINNER
KANSAS [-25.5] BAYLOR -1.05/1 WINNER
ARMY [+13] CENTRAL MICHIGAN 1/+1.05 LOSER
BOSTON COLLEGE [-13.5] NOTRE DAME -1.04/1 LOSER
HOUSTON [-21] RICE -1.09/1 LOSER
LOUISIANA TECH [-7.5] NEW MEXICO STATE -1.08/1 LOSER
LSU [-9] KENTUCKY -1.19/1 LOSER
MISSISSIPPI STATE [+9] TENNESSEE -1.04/1 LOSER
LADY ACHERON: -3.32 units from --
ALABAMA [ -6.5] MISSISSIPPI -1.08/1 LOSER
GEORGIA [-7] VANDERBILT -1.05/1 LOSER
WYOMING [-3.5] NEW MEXICO -1.10/1 LOSER
BOSTON COLLEGE [- 13.5] NOTRE DAME -1.04/1 LOSER
MISSOURI [+ 10.5] OKLAHOMA -1.09/1 WINNER
LOUISIANA-MONROE [-7.5] NORTH TEXAS even LOSER
HAWAII [- 19] SAN JOSE STATE -1.01/1 LOSER
CINCINNATI [+10.5 ] LOUISVILLE -1.08/1 LOSER
CENTRAL MICHIGAN [-13] ARMY -1.15/1 WINNER
AUBURN [+ 3] ARKANSAS -1.08/1 WINNER
So, we head into week 2 with Kelso "leading" (2.02) to (3.32). Disgraceful performances by both competitors.
Having just slept off 27 continuous hours of work, we continue in lazy blog mode, copying and pasting our comment to PAIN over at HELL'S TAB with regard to Ann Coulter's remarks to Donny Deutsch.
You'll have to pardon me if I seem a little irritated. I just found out Vasquez came in 8 lbs over and they cancelled tonight's card. A fucking flyweight, 8 over? Feature that. What a disappointment. There were 4 competitive men's fights and 1 women's fight on the undercard, too. And I had a seat at fucking Vasquez's peoples' table! URGH!
So, on to matters more germane.
Speaking as an official "imperfect" Terran, I applaud your list of our many fine professions and lifestyles, but I confess to feeling a little short-changed. We make excellent pornographers, porn stars (Harry, Jamie and Ron!), psychiatrists, artists and scientists of all stripe, money launderers and vendors of unbranded gasoline. We "imperfects" boast a fine Boston Red Sox first baseman and Anaheim Ducks defenseman, certain to make Hall Of Fame.
And I'm guessing among the harder "imperfect" cases residing in the cities of Moscow, St. Petersburg, Samarkand, Tashkent, Barranquilla, Bogota, Cali and Medellin and yes Teheran we could easily put together a force that would blow every Blackwater contractor into red mist and still have time for a leisurely breakfast.
Wait a second! That's a great idea for a video game, si o no? ZHID-IO FIGHTING FORCE. And we could have a companion game ZHID-IO FINANCE FORCE. You're a commodities trader and the object of the game is to form a cartel of like-minded liberal Yahoodies -- yes, gay and straight -- to short every agricultural and livestock derivative for all we can get into play. Maybe scalp a few numbers to make enough to corner spot tobacco market, too. And then watch with glee as Fundamentalist Heartlanders lose their homes, and slowly die of starvation. And get the children, too! Maybe offer them a chance to "work" at "special 'right-to-work' farms." Those that refuse, your avatar can shoot on sight. Those that accept will enjoy luxurious tar-paper shack housing and nutritious nettle soup. The Fundamentalist Heartlander will sing their quaint "country & western" songs as they work, happy because they are now enjoying the fruits of the Right-To-Work laws they wanted, the Bankruptcy Law they wanted, and those loose gun laws which allowed YOUR private goon squad to have enough weaponry and ordance to enforce YOUR new "right-to-work" rules.
I'll have to call Nintendo about this immediately.
But I really wasn't insulted at all by Ann Coulter's remarks. "Imperfect"? That's an insult? It's true. I'm imperfect twice a day and three times on Sundays. The more interesting thing was her remark that her fantasy was that every Jew would be like Joe Lieberman. Of course, it is. What right-wing Christian cunt wouldn't want every Jew to be a pizza-faced little coward ready to do a minstrel dance at massa's bidding? I'm more broad-minded than that. I'd just settle for every Christian to be John V. Lindsay or Jenna Jameson.
Finally, Kelso has declared it. Every one of the meshumedim from Joe Lieberman to Joe Klein to David Brooks to fucking Ayn Rand's ashes have had THEIR SHTETL PASSES REVOKED effective immediately. I don't want them back.
Please continue the same ban in Hell as a favor to little Ser Kelso.
Love your next door neighbor and don't forget to say "grace".
Kelso's Nuts love you
11 comments:
Finally, Kelso has declared it. Every one of the meshumedim from Joe Lieberman to Joe Klein to David Brooks to fucking Ayn Rand's ashes have had THEIR SHTETL PASSES REVOKED effective immediately. I don't want them back.
Ayn Rand was a jew? oh my what the hell were we chosen for with that one. And Brooks is convert.....
all four of them, along with Wolfowitz, Kristol, Libby and Perle should head up the temple mount for a visit with an altar.
wasnt there a time when ALL jews were democrats?
How did I lose the Cincy play getting ten and a half?
I think you LAID 10". I BET Cincy for real. Going into my account now to check. I had so much stuff going with the NHL, euro golf, PGA, LPGA, tennis, boxing and NCAA, plus my loser fading Gore, and my addtional plays on Clinton for Dem Nom, so my accounting could be screwed up.
Figure is good the way I have it. CINCINNATI WAS A 10"-PT FAVORITE
Okey,
I admit that I went back and looked at Cincy was the 10.5 favorite and I jumped the line and mistranscribed. From now on I will cut and paste. But I am still happy with my 1st week and have something to do every night of the week as ESPN is filthy with good games wed through sun and enough channels [ "the Deuce". The U, 360, Gameplan] to slake my thirst for midweek info.
So now that that's cleared up how do you see the BCS first cast shaking out 1. Ohio State 2. LSU 3. South Florida 4. Boston College 5. Oklahoma 6. USC?
The polls are just conventional opinion, which, luckily, will determine things. Going strictly by the math, coming out of yesterday, I'd rank them this way
1) OHIO STATE
2) LSU
3) ARIZONA STATE
4) SOUTH FLORIDA
5) WEST VIRGINIA
6) FLORIDA
7) OKLAHOMA
8) OREGON
9) BOSTON COLLEGE
10) MISSOURI
Top 2 are very close. Arizona State kind of by itself on my ratings for 3. 4-6 are a tight pack, as are 7-9. You could make cases for CAL, CINCY, SOUTH CAROLINA, AUBURN, VA TECH, KANSAS, OR BOISE STATE if they play well tonight FOR #10. All very close to MIZZOU.
With two losses, FLORIDA has no chance at championship but may catch an overrated team like USC or KENTUCKY in a bowl and be a great bet. ARIZONA STATE, of course, is the most "buried" team.
Estimada Lady Judith, Oracle at Acheron:
Glad you enjoyed Week 1. By the end of this experience, I fully expect you to be able to speak "playerese," e.g., to properly use "play" as noun and verb knowing that it is more common than "bet." Words such as "lay," "take," "figure," "buried," "value," "side," "total," [the appropriate use of] "on" and "against", "back," "fade," "plus," "minus,","parlay," "reverse," "position,", "unit," "tourist," "line," "lame," "deal," "spread," "take-back," "barbecue," "off-the-board," "steam," "crush," "move," "action," "under-round," "over-round," "opinion," etc., etc., etc., should all be common to you by the time they crown the NCAA champion.
I know I'm going to need all sorts of help with that odd language you all speak. I know English and Spanish, and a little Italian, French, Yiddish and Russian but the tongue down there has me completely Buffalo-ed. I recognize some Latin, but the rest of it might as well be Finnish or Maori! I can at least figure out Gullah, Patois and Creole because those are variants of English. And I can figure out Ladino so long as it's transliterated from Hebrew characters because that's just a variant of Spanish.
But I will happily trade you a working player's vocabulary for a working vocabulary in HELL's idiom.
hey kelso!
Are you trying to comjugate with our oracle??? LOL That was too easy.
I can send you a few Hellac verbs if you like. Let's start with "to be"
1. To Be
Ertje
Present (am)
Io ser [I am]
Qu’ul er [You are "informal"]
Qui serres [you are "formal"]
Ij/Ix ert [He/She is]
Qu’iv erts [We are]
Quisse sert [They are]
So I am honored would be "Io ser haanur."
It is sort of closer to Finnish good eye man. Damn I'm gonna have to watch you.
Tommy-Gun:
I've been betting world sports for 14 years. You don't know what pressure's like until you've eaten 4 Perk 750s, had a massage and realize you have to make adjustments to Finnish World Championship Of Hockey roster projections because of three possible injuries, no TV coverage, the chuckleburg's all used up and no time to reorder, and it's either going to be a maximum bet or just a very large one and all you have is 20 minutes and the Suomi newspaper on line. And you have to focus through the haze to figure out "goaltender" "right defenseman" and shit...If the Oracle can master betting parlance, I can master Hellac. I just won't have it down by tomorrow!
KN
change of topic
just what you need
the NY Times telling people to buy in Panama as their second home
http://travel.nytimes.com/2007/10/12/travel/escapes/12your.html
Exactly what I need. Increase the value of my property and night clubs. More tourist money in the Omaha and the NLHE
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