"PERFECTION" IS A WARM GUN

Kelso's going to have to cover the waterfront here because at 12:50 AM Central, the Nobel Peace Prize winner is to be announced shortly. We cannot speak for the eminences grises but the professional gamblers are feeling had here. Kelso likes Al Gore, Jr, v 2002, and had he run for President he would have won a landslide. That said, however, what exactly did he DO in 2007 to further the cause of peace? We pay no attention to Chinese affairs and once Tissue Of Lies designated Op-Ed Christian and Bush apologist, Nicholas Kristof, adopted Darfur as his pet crusade in the service of self-aggrandizement, we abandoned that in favor of learning other things. Nevertheless, China, Darfur, India, Pakistan, Iraq, Iran, Lebanon, Syria, Israel or Russia just HAVE to have a few more deserving candidates than Al Gore, Jr.

In the West, we have two fine Nixon-In-China type candidates who don't have a whisper of a shadow of a chance. CentCom commander, Admiral William Fallon for saying there would be a U.S. assault on Iran "over his dead body," certainly did more in the service of world peace than Gore's winning an Oscar did. And then there's Colombian President Alvaro Uribe, W's main man in Latin America, who finally had enough of fighting Condi Rice's fantasy war for her and made peace with Chavez. Uribe is probably an unfamiliar name to most of you, but think about President Oliver North and you'll have an idea of who the guy is. For whatever self-interested reason he reached accord with Chavez on the POWs, it took balls and made this part of the world safer, more peaceful and more stable.

Word around the punting world is that someone leaked it and Gore will be to Nobel Peace Prize 2007 what Shakespeare In Love was to the Best Picture Award in its year. A total stitch-up. Maybe it's all just paranoia and a more deserving candidate will receive the award. All of these environmentalism=peace arguments are very thin gruel. About the best one can say with regard to his present environmental stand is that its better than the ersatz, pro-corporate environmentalism of the book Earth In The Balance. No sale. But, please, once again, Kelso would much prefer Gore to Clinton as his nominee.

Yes, now it's Coulter time. We'll assume that by now everyone has seen the transcript or watched the clip or both. Again, Kelso's about as surprised by this as he was that Jack Kingston introduced a resolution expressing Congress's sense that Rush Limbaugh is a great American. She's a bigot. Big surprise. Kelso wants to delve into the more interesting aspects of this.

Let's start with "Jews needing to be perfected (converted?)" That would presume that Christians are "perfect." Did Kelso miss something about "original sin?" And that's part of their own stupid liturgy. Never mind what these fuckers have done throughout history and continue to do in America on the taxpayer's dollar. "Perfect"? That is amazingly rich. She likes to generalize, so, fine...they are as far from perfect as can be. They're dumb and cruel. Nearly all of them.

In an odd way, though, she has a point, albeit one she never considered. Whether Jesus of Nazareth was a real person or a composite of the proponents of a more generous, humanist form of Judaism, the teachings attributed to him did indeed sand down many of the rough edges of Deutoronomy and Leviticus. In that sense, "Jesus" as a philosopher isn't all that different than Rabbi Sherwin Wine as a philosopher. He was the founder of the Society For Humanistic Judaism.

The interesting question is which Ikey-Kikey Uncle Toms are going to step forward and defend Ann Coulter. Kelso will toss out a few names and throw it open to the panel: Joe Lieberman, David Horowitz, William Kristol...there, that's a good start.

Please add on. But because Kelso is so very generous of spirit he's going to repeat a dark little quip by one of the tribe's leading lights, the now deceased Stuey Ungar: POCKET ACES KILLED MORE JEWS THAN HITLER DID. I do this not to disrespect my own people but to encourage Ann Coulter to really let loose, using the old "rappers say 'nigger' all the time, why can't I?" argument.

Having lost all readers once again for reasons unknown, once again, it's off. Well, that's a little disingenous -- no traffic, perhaps, because the blog is crap! One good thing about the free-market is that your results always let you know where you stand. The quantity (time-expended + 0 readers) makes this a losing proposition and probably back-to-the-drawing-board isn't a terrible idea. Considering uploading cat pictures upon return athough we're so allegic to the dander, pictures alone would cause long strings of sneezes. Forget about picture of Kelso Jr. Just the thought of a "career prosecutor" laying two damned eyes on the image of the boy gives Kelso the creeps. Something round the Nuts has to be re-tooled though. Recipes? News-You-Can-Use? Fewer Anglo-Saxon oaths? A few nice words about Obama? Bad Bush puns? If that's the name of the game, Kelso likey to no play.

Kelso will abandon his post here for a bit, and take this time to focus on work and fun, restricting blogosphere presence to various comments on his favorite sites.

So, "wake me up when [Ramadan] ends" because the 100-100 Omaha will spread again. Sorry, Fairlane. We know you hate Green Day but it seemed to fit.

See ya on the Rialto.

Kelso's Nuts love you