UTTERLY CONFUSED, AND NEED HELP UNPACKING SOME STUFF

Readers of this blog have to help Uncle Kelso understand things. He's still velly, velly confused. Going from the earlier issue to the later one, why is Valerie Plame a liberal icon again? As a so-called "NOC" she must be already responsible for the murders of many, many of her "Joes" and their Muslim counterparts, if the writings of Agee, Baer, Johnson, LeCarre, Littell, Ludlum and Mailer are close to the truth. That's not to say she took pleasure in that aspect of her work, nor do we mean that there aren't hundreds more just like her, nor does it mean that somehow that work isn't necessary to some extent. But Florence-Nightengale-On-Rye-Toast-With-Mustard-And-Russian and a kasha knish on the side? Kelso doesn't see it. He sees an above-average CIA operative, with all the necessary sang-froid, who got caught in a political sideshow not of her own making. If Valerie Plame is a hero of the left, then why isn't General "Black-Jack" Pershing? Or even General William Westmoreland for that matter? Kelso just doesn't see the qualitative difference. Sure, Rove and Cheney's malign hands were behind this whole business and they deserve what they get over this, Libby maybe less so. That Kelso gets, but what's iconic about Plame? If you like violence, Plame's your gal. If you don't, Dr. Helen Caldicott works. Ipso facto and QED.

Now, where exactly are the good guys in this Assistant U.S. Attorney fiasco? Again, Kelso gets what Gonzales, Bush/Cheney, Domenici, Heather Wilson, "Doc" Hastings, and Sampson did wrong. Kelso's no lawyer, but "Obstruction Of Justice" and "Conspiracy" seem like the violations. Kelso's OK so far. It's the idolotry of Yglesias, Lam, and McKay by the left that leaves Kelso scratching his head. They pursued corruption cases against Republicans and were not sufficiently speedy for administration tastes in pursuit of cases against Democrats? That makes them into John and Jane Browns? Sorry, no sale. These are extreme right-wing Republicans who occupied offices of tremendous power whose culture was/is/will-ever-be infliction of maximum pain. They are offices in which tax fraud=murder and the harsher the penalty, the better. If any earnest left-winger were to look at the other cases pursued by Yglesias, Lam, McKay, et. al, and the way they were pursued that earnest lefty's blood would run cold. These people are not selected for their big hearts. They are selected, especially by Republican Presidents, for their absolute lack of compassion, their zealotry, their singlemindedness and indifference to suffering. You want laying-on-of-hands? Talk to a defense lawyer or a social worker. So, wow-wee, they drew a line at not acting as complete toadies to a fascist executive. That's their job, too. They get points for integrity but Kelso still needs convincing they get points for humanity.

One of our regular nephews published a very good novel, THE EDUCATION OF RICK GREEN, ESQ., which gets at what Kelso's trying to convey here in one lovely set-piece -- what an ass-over-tea kettle one's life becomes with a small mistake and the entry of the U.S. Attorney's Office. Nephew rocks the suburbs better than Kelso does, but nephew's talented.

Masters, anyone?

Looks here like the value's in:

TIGER WOODS +1.55
JIM FURYK +35/1
TREVOR IMMELMAN +55/1
ROBERT ALLENBY +60/1
STEVE STRICKER +175/1

Portfolio weighted according to odds recommended.

Kelso's Nuts love you.