VA TECH TOMORROW, DUDES N DWEEBS, RUTGERS TODAY

DUDE

Very tough call this week. Kelso really, REALLY, wanted to give it to Leahy for calling and running Senate Judiciary Committee hearings into the gordian knot of U.S Attorneys and White House extra-.gov emails. He was OK, but then went ahead an trivialized the whole thing by saying the Adminstrations response was equivalent to "the dog ate my homework." No, Senator, it was not at all equivalent to that. Had it not been a press briefing and had it been said under oath it would have been a major felony. Obviously, Cheney's "fuck you" of a couple of years ago has scared Leahy to death. He's supposed to pop that bully in the eye, not practically excuse Administration crimes by employing moldy cliches. On one hand, he's done what he needed to do, on the other he's signalled that he's not going to be hitting this too hard. Henry Waxman's going to have to take Leahy by the hand.

The good folks at mediamatters.org certainly qualify for being first into the pool on Imus's stupid remark. So, too, Islander goalie Rick DiPietro taking himself off injured reserve, flying to Buffalo on Saturday and stoning the Sabres for an Isles 3-2 win, evening up the series at 1-1. Again from the world of sports, Marco Scutaro's late inning heroics, cracking Mo and Rudy Giuliani's Girls absolutely qualifies him for Dude. Newsweek editor Jon Meacham gets some consideration for requesting that Fineman, Alter, Isikoff, and Evan Thomas no longer appear on Imus's show. Imus is without platform right now, but doubtless will have a brand new one within a month, so good for Meacham. Fineman, Alter and Isikoff by the way are modern day kapos and Kelso is ashamed to share Ashkenaz DNA with those fuckheads, but see below.

Your Kelso's Nuts Dude Of The Week, however, goes to Senator Russ Feingold for introducing legislation to end the wars this year, using Congress's power of the purse, dragooning even Reid into co-sponsorship. Guess who has not signed on? Well, clearly not Hillary, but that's no surprise. With Hillary, you know what you're getting -- a stone-cold hawk. So, who hasn't signed on? Why savior-of-the-nation Barrack Obama (D-Jesus's Pablum Factory), naturally. And the sky is still blue...

DWEEB

We're going to pass on Don Imus because he was only doing what the Don Imuses of the world are paid to do which is be fucking assholes. The Imus issue, however, does throw off your Dweebs. Please go here for your list of Dweebs http://mediamatters.org/items/200704110005 If Lieberman isn't on the list it's mediamatters.org's bad, because Lieberman was first to stand up for the I-Lady. And Lieberman is worse than a kapo. He's a chucha madre apostate, meshumed, e hijo de la violacion. And water's wet...

And on to Rutgers...Kelso's a White man so he's not going to weigh in on any of the racist or sexist stuff beyond the discussion of Dudes and Dweebs and this: to bring the rap issue into it in defense of Imus is pure sophistry. Every ethnic group jokes about itself but the rules of everyday manners require that inter-ethnic joking is only proper amongst good friends. And no, Kelso doesn't believe that "some of Imus's best friends are Black". A "friend" is someone you hang out with regularly, call up regulary, and do all the ordinary things "friends" do. A "BEST FRIEND" is someone you trust with the most intimate details of your life and would trust with your mother's money. So, fuck that shit.

OK, seriously, on to Rutgers. Non-New York sports fans, and certainly non-sports fans in general, don't understand the other issue. Kelso's insulted by Imus's stupidy because Kelso's a native Manhattanite. We have sweet fuck-all for big-time college teams. Again, St. John's basketball and Rutgers football and basketball is it. For Christ's sakes, the Rutgers women's basketball team made the Final Four. How great was that? Kelso takes the I-Lady's remarks personally because of this. Blacks may respond to it as they wish. Kelso's got not problem with any of it and has no opinion about any of it other than he didn't like what the I-Lady said. If anything, we like Sharpton a little because he's got some rhetorical flair and has made some good points on other issues in the political realm. Kelso pulls out the flag when he hears or reads Republicans using code words like "intellectual", "artist", "Hollywood", or even "hedge-fund."

Sports upon request. From the tangentially related gambling-world, a late tip-of-the-hat to Rep. Barney Frank for pressing ahead with legislation to repeal the UIGEA rather than hide behind the 18-month "study" suggested by Reps. Berkeley and Porter of Nevada. Clearly, Berkeley and Porter are carrying water for the casino industry while for Frank it's an obvious civil liberties issue. http://www.ogpaper.com/news/news-0246.html

Kelso's Nuts love you.