THIS IS A LOT OF FUN

http://www.cnn.com/2007/POLITICS/06/01/candidates.religion.ap/index.html

Let's start with what's there. Romney and Giuliani's quotes make the most sense, but from what the AP reporter says with regard to Giuliani's position on the ex-communication of Mexican bishops, the Lisping Fascist is going to have some 'splainin' to do, Lucy. Edwards is trying Bill Clinton's rope-a-dope. More on that in a bit. Brownback's religious views are far from Kelso's, but from all accounts, Brownback is a true believer. Who really gives a crap what Senator Dodd thinks about anything? He's been useless in the Senate for as long as Kelso can remember and he has as much chance of becoming President Of The United States as Slobodan Milosevic's corpse does. About half of the contenders are in Dodd's position but at least some of them -- left and right -- present coherent points of view on a variety of issues. Dodd is just another old man. Wait a second. Didn't he have one of those "what's the frequency, Kenneth?" things a few years back that was never properly sorted out? OK, that's his distinguishing feature.

And then...yes indeed, read all about our favorite person in public life, Barrack Obama. This is pure euphoria here at the Nuts. We quote directly from the AP story:

"In one of the first joint appearances of the 2008 campaign, Brownback and Obama were guest speakers at the evangelical Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, Calif., where best-selling author Rick Warren is pastor.

Obama's close relationship with his own pastor at Chicago's Trinity United Church of Christ, whose theology emphasizes "black values" and strengthening the black community, has also been a campaign issue. Obama withdrew an invitation to the pastor, the Rev. Jeremiah Wright Jr., to speak at his presidential announcement in February."

Huh? He's both a fellow-traveller of the Christian Right and a Black Nationalist? And everybody thinks he's the left-wing alternative to Hillary Clinton? Stop it, please. This is orgasmic. It's like watching Jerry Seinfeld's best routines while drinking a hot mug of Swiss Miss Cocoa laced with laudanum, and having Jenna Jameson and her sister Sue waiting for you under a big fluffy duvet. Kelso's giving himself 3 bells. There is no feeling like being a contrarian and being absolutely right. Please, please, Senator Obama, stay in this race all the way. You are too entertaining and the longer you stay in the more likely the 2010 Junior United States Senator from Illinois will be either Patrick Fitzgerald or Jesse Jackson, Jr. And, then, in 2012 please join the Lieberman, McCain party, and run for President again, please. Are you listening God, it's me, Margaret?

Now, we move on to what's absent from the article: Hillary Clinton, for one. Once again, she shows her savvy. With must-see-TV coming up Monday night on CNN, a three-way debate among HRC, Edwards and Obama on religion and politics, she's not showing any cards, nor is she doing any coffee-housing. She's going to wait and see if Edwards and Obama get into it before hand and choose where she stands afterwards. So far, it will be very hard for her to get to Obama's right, and depending on how Edwards Big-Dog impersonation plays, she has the choice of taking either the absolutist separation position or testifying before her lord and savior but not quite so much as Obama does and twisting Edwards up into a pretzel in the process. Fly-in-the-ointment: if she takes the latter tack, Gore's a fool not to get into this immediately.

What's also missing is an account of the nuanced views of Dennis Kucinich and Ron Paul -- two of the more religious candidates in the race and the two least likely to impose their superstitions on you. But orders from headquarters, you know, musn't say anything to promote either of those guys.

Monday night can't come soon enough.

Quick trivia question about sports and politics: what do Jose DeLeon 1985, Jerry Koosman 1978, Anthony Young 1993, and Bob Shrum through 2004 have in common? Horrific won-lost records: 2-19, 8-26, 1-16, 0-for-life, respectively. Read excerpt from Shrum's non-apologetic apologia in Time.

http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1626498,00.html

Oh, it all makes sense now. John Edwards was the reason Kerry lost in 2004. Ok. And you were really anti-war. Got it.

One sports opinion. ANTON CHEKHOV in Saturday's Epsom Derby each-way at 28/1 ex-(hah) ABSOLUTIST, the even-money favorite and likely winner. Bit of a bookmaker's pricing error here, as you only get 40/1 about ANTON CHEKHOV inclusive of ABSOLUTIST. We've gone over the falls in a barrel against Federer and Davydenko this week. They play again Sunday. Federer gets Youzhny and Davydenko gets Nalbandian. We'll run the simulations and let the numbers and the odds-against talk. No off-the-cuff opinions on either right now.

Kelso's Nuts love you.