Guest Post By "Gary's Boner": In Praise of Copying

Prop.note: As usual I put all guest posts up unedited and unseen. My first reading will be your. This one's from "Gary's Boner". I take no credit for his brilliance nor blame for his errors. Enjoy.

Kelso's Nuts love you

My old friend Kelso has asked for guest posts, so I decided to expand a comment I posted a week ago that took off from Johnny Depp’s performance in Sweeney Todd. Depp had the challenge of taking on one of the great singing roles of the American musical theater with little more than the ability to carry a tune, and somehow carried it off superbly and is being feted for it. He did it by simply copying David Bowie’s Ziggy Stardust-era style, intonation and accent. By the way, so total is Depp’s impersonation that he was embarrassed even to credit Bowie in the Rolling Stone interview where he explained how he became such a good singer so fast.

This got me thinking that since pop is mostly phrasing and rhythm, anyone who croons half-decently can be a very good pop singer by merely choosing someone who is great, studying his or her voice carefully, and copying it. Remember how surprisingly good Eddie Murphy was when imitating Stevie Wonder, or Joe Piscopo and many others as Frank Sinatra? Rock vocalists especially depend on predecessors, and even the great rock “originals” – Jagger, Lennon, Dylan, etc. – were copying. Thus all rock traces back either to (i) a black slave singing on a porch, (ii) a Renaissance minstrel doing Greensleeves, or (iii) some Irish people fiddling while dancing a reel. Even when the influences are obscure, they’re still there. As Rupaul once pointed out on her show, half the singers at that time in the ‘90’s – e.g., Eddie Vedder, Hootie – were just doing Cher. “Girl,” Rupaul said, “they was all ripping you off.”

But what’s wrong with copying, anyway? There are maybe one or two Van Gogh-esque originals in every field per generation, and mostly they are considered weirdos in their lifetimes. For the rest of us lacking the divine spark of genius, we are fortunate indeed if we can appreciate those who have it and flatter them by imitation. There are thousands of Warren Buffett wannabes but only one Sage of Omaha, and he still beats the pants off his imitators, even in his 80’s. (Oh and by the way, until the recent ascent of behavioral economics, Buffett was considered just a lucky guy by most finance experts. Even Kelso once opined to me that Buffett was basically a lottery winner, back in the day when your man was into efficient markets. ) Though they may not achieve Buffett-like results, the more assiduous acolytes achieve market-beating returns, is my bet. (Much statistical evidence finds value investing beating growth.)

Now let’s discuss one of the great politicians of our time, Bill Clinton. I would argue that although he modeled himself (or pretended to) on predecessors like JFK, in fact he was an original, combining his emotional intelligence with a vague centrist philosophy that could be interpreted as all things to all people. (As a president I rate him mediocre, but right now I’m talking about his political skills.) Remember during the 1992 campaign, when Slick Willie said that abortions should be “safe, legal, and” – dramatic eye-pop to show he is going to surprise you – “RAYRE.” Who could argue with that position, the people who thought it should be expensive and dangerous? Or those who have a yen for plentiful abortions? (Actually Kelso on this site has argued in favor of the latter, and I admire his consistency for it.)

Now let’s look at the current campaign and ask, who is copying Clinton perfectly? Not HRC, but her opponent, whose deliberately vague and platitudinous speeches leave us feeling inspired but slightly befuddled, as if he had fed us three cocktails and a steak and then left us at the curb to hail a taxi home. What a delicious irony that HRC is losing to the guy who has studied her man’s playbook and is using it masterfully! This also helps us understand why Bill seems to find Barack so infuriating, sort of like when Alan King first saw Jay Leno perform and thought, “Hey, this kid’s stealing my act!”

I would like to end this post with a sermon, because it’s not only a holiday – actually one of my favorites, because it celebrates something based in reality and not superstition – but also my birthday and I’m in the Caribbean, I’ve had a rum-and-tonic, and I’m feeling warm inside. Each of us has known people we admired for different reasons – some were great parents, some charitable souls, others successful entrepreneurs or brilliant scholars – and what we should do to have a happy life is emulate those who have impressed us in areas of importance. Some are lucky to have grown up in families full of people with admirable qualities, and could start learning at an early age. Some found our role models in school, or at our first jobs. The trick is always to be looking around for inspiration, and when you find it, ask what the person is doing to be producing such wonderful results. Then just do a Johnny Depp on him or her, and your own success will be almost guaranteed.

Happy Presidents’ Day!