Take The "Hydrox" (I Guess As Opposed To "Oreo") Challenge

There's a blog that's gained some notoriety called "Stuff White People Like" http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/ I think it's pretty funny, but I also wanted to see how I graded out on it. They add topics every day and they are up to #76 as of today. I went down the list and marked whether I "liked" it (L), "hated" it (H), was "indifferent " (I) or didn't know what it was or had no basis for judgement (DK). Here we go. I add a little color (jajaja) here and there.

#76 Bottles of Water I

#75 Threatening to Move to Canada H (I especially hate this having moved to Panama for vaguely political reasons. People who threatened to move to Canada when a mushy Centrist like Kerry lost are total dildoes.)

#74 Oscar Parties I

#73 Gentrification I

#72 Study Abroad L (If Black people dislike THIS they are fucking stupid!)

#71 Being the only white person around I

#70 Difficult Breakups H

#69 Mos Def L (Decent rapper, good actor, don't see the big problem here)

#68 Michel Gondry DK (I have no idea who he is)

#67 Standing Still at Concerts L (I loved going to Pavement shows where men outnumbered women like 9-to-1 and loved not moving a muscle except to drink whiskey)

#66 Divorce H (Have had two. There will NOT be a third)

#65 Co-Ed Sports I

#64 Recycling H (I'm too lazy and I think it's all a sham to break the sanitation unions)

#63 Expensive Sandwiches L

#62 Knowing what’s best for poor people H (As Father Guido Sarducci said: "you no play-a the game, you no make-a the rules")

#61 Bicycles I

#60 Toyota Prius I

#59 Natural Medicine H (I have insomnia. When I was in grad school in LA I went to Chinatown and saw a Chinese doctor and got some herbs and mushrooms with which I was supposed to make a tea to help me fall asleep. It worked OK but between the doctor and one week's supply of the tea it cost me $200 in 1991. So, I used my school medical coverage and went to a conventional doctor in Santa Monica and got prescription for 100 Ativans. Total cost=$5.)

#58 Japan DK (Never been there)

#57 Juno DK

#56 Lawyers L (Have retained some very good ones over the years who have helped me a lot)

#55 Apologies I

#54 Kitchen Gadgets L (So long as I don't have to shop for them or cook)

#53 Dogs L

#52 Sarah Silverman L (She's fucking funny. One of the best.)

#51 Living by the water L (Again, if Black people don't like oceanfront, they are double-plus stupid)

#50 Irony I (I like Guy de Maupassant; I hate the Williamsburg, Brooklyn thing)

#49 Vintage L

#48 Whole Foods and Grocery Co-ops H (Awful. I've written a Whole Post about Whole Paycheck and it's Nazi owner)

#47 Arts Degrees L (According to the way I read the post, that would include African-American Studies Majors, si o no?)

#46 The Sunday New York Times H (Boring. Conventional. Can get the crossword puzzle anywhere for free)

#45 Asian Fusion Food H (Small portions. Expensive. Doesn't taste good.)

#44 Public Radio L (A mixed-bag which is mostly good and it beats the crap out of the censored commercial R & B and rap shit I used to hear. All R & B bores me. I like a bunch of rap but won't listen to anything censored.)

#43 Plays L (No there isn't any kind of anti-intellectual streak here, is there?)

#42 Sushi L

#41 Indie Music L

#40 Apple Products L (The I-pod's not a bad little invention. I prefer the PC for my applications.)

#39 Netflix L (Great service. What the fuck's the problem?)

#38 Arrested Development H (Boring annoying show. Watched it once. Never will again.)

#37 Renovations H (Just the thought bores me)

#36 Breakfast Places I

#35 The Daily Show/Colbert Report I (Both over-rated)

#34 Architecture I (Anti-intellectualism? Say not so!)

#33 Marijuana H (I can't touch it because I have very low seratonin and dopamine levels, but I do recall hearing something about "blunts". I could have been mistaken, though.)

#32 Vegan/Vegetarianism H

#31 Snowboarding I/DK (Never been. Scared to try)

#30 Wrigley Field I/DK (never been. I hear that the fans don't know shit about baseball but I'd have to go there myself to have an opinion. It looks nice on TV)

#29 80s Night L

#28 Not Having a TV H

#27 Marathons I (I trained for one and hurt my knee in the process. I'd like to try it again but I don't care if I don't get around to it before I die)

#26 Manhattan (now Brooklyn too!) L (My hometown)

#25 David Sedaris L (I could see how people find him annoying. I think he's pretty funny)

#24 Wine H (Allergic)

#23 Microbreweries L

#22 Having Two Last Names I (Not for me or my son, but if a woman likes being called Madison who I am to judge?)

#21 Writer’s Workshops H (One of the better scams around)

#20 Being an expert on YOUR culture L (I need to understand why this is silly...and if it IS silly then Sarah Silverman's routine about MLK Jr's "dream" is essential listening!)

#19 Traveling I (It's generally a pain in the ass to do but not bad at all once you're there)

#18 Awareness I (On balance it's better to be aware than not aware but a lot of stuff that requires "awareness" really bores me)

#17 Hating their parents H (I love my parents)

#16 “Gifted” Children H (Very annoying. Glad I have a nice, well-adjusted, well-rounded son)

#15 Yoga I

#14 Having Black Friends I
Since we are on the verge of electing a black president, it seems important to explain why white people want black friends. Every white person wants a black friend like Barack: good-looking, well-spoken, and non-violent. Obviously, whites want black friends so as not to appear racist (see earlier Obama post). However, if we dig deeper what we notice about white people is not if they have black friends but in fact, how many black friends they have. White people like numbers. They like to count things like stars in the sky and the death toll at Mt. Everest and the number of times they’ve seen Tori Amos and/or Phish in concert. Counting the number of black friends is then clearly a divine imperative. The number of black friends white people possess also illustrates their comfort with black culture. Here’s a handy guide to the number system:
1—The white novice. This black friend is the gateway to helping white people understand gang signs and Vietnamese beauty supply stores. This black friend is probably the only black friend for many white people and when they all hang out (because white people hang out) they bring their “mutual” black friend with them.
2—The white black club-goer. Two black friends serve as bodyguards when white people go to black clubs to see how exactly one “pops, drops and locks” it.
3 -4—The white BET-er. See Justin Timberlake/ Robin Thicke/ Jon B for more information. For old school reference, see Michael McDonald.
5 and up—Impossible. [author's note in bold, red; my comment in black below]

[NOT IMPOSSIBLE IF YOU PLAY A LOT OF POKER, but I'm pretty indifferent to the ethnicity of my friends. I only ask that they be trustworthy, entertaining and share my interests)

#13 Tea L

#12 Non-Profit Organizations L (They're necessary. What is NAACP's status? How about the AME Church organization?)

#11 Asian Girls H (All a fallacy. Boring, conventional lovers)

#10 Wes Anderson movies I

#9 Making you feel bad about not going outside H (As a "great indoorsman" I'd never do that to anyone!)

#8 Barack Obama H (3/4 of my blog is devoted to how much I dislike Obama)

#7 Diversity L

#6 Organic Food I

#5 Farmers Markets H

#4 Assists (SPECIAL CATEGORY) [I know what the guy was getting at. That White fans and White sportsmedia love the "scrappy" "unselfish" White players. I'm on board with that being really stupid, but as a professional sports bettor I know that assists carry a value that can be quantified and YES that value is way smaller than the scorers' values)

#3 Film Festivals L (The arts are no good. Architecture is no good. Study abroad is no good. Film Festivals are no good. Oceanfront property is no good. I have to extrapolate then that I'm not in a real, real big hurry to have an African-American do my taxes or perform any surgery on me either!)

#2 Religions that their parents don’t belong to H/SP (My parents are atheists. I am an atheist.)

#1 Coffee H (I used to like it until a big cup of Starbucks gave me the feeling of having an ulcer and I haven't touched a drop since).

OK. Final summary and totals. 26 LIKES. 24 HATES. 21 "INDIFFERENTS" 5 DON'T KNOW OR OTHER CATEGORY. As I think about this distribution I really come to the conclusion that the 26-24-21-5 observed results are exactly in keeping with my ethnic and sociological and physical make-up: Urban, Ashkenazi Jewish, Post-Graduate, Upper Middle Class, Physically Small. I would guess that the Platonic Ideal White Person, let's say a Protestant, liberal, Bay-Area dweller, of Northern European descent and Physically Large might score 68-3-4-1. And Barack Obama wouldn't be far off that score. I'd give Obama 60-10-6-0. Plus or minus, of course. I'm basically going by Obama being a wealthy, half-White Protestant frat-boy of some "modernity." You know he loves all that outdoor stuff! And doesn't share his "paisanos'" distaste for intellctual or cultural pursuits.

Kelso's Nuts love you