THAT'S ENOUGH, NO MORE! LOOK AT YOURSELVES BY YOUR CHOICE OF EYE CANDY

A friend from Ecuador with an import/export business in the Canal Zone, knowing Kelso's love of sports, acquired on Kelso's behalf a 42" plasma TV, at cost, tax-free. Friend had hoped to get the TV sent up to the City in time for last May's Mayweather/DeLaHoya fight which fell on the same Saturday as the Kentucky Derby. The TV didn't get onto the pallet until the following Monday. But it is set up and is a treat to watch.

You are thinking this is fascinating, right? There is method to Kelso's madness. Please bear with us. The TV continues to be a delight because Cable Onda carries many, many sports channels, a thoroughbred racing channel, 5 HBO channels, all manner of international news channels (BBC, Caracol, CNN, CNNe, CNNi, Fox, RAI, ABC, NBC, CBS), Cinemax, and recently run PPV movies in English or Spanish, your choice, for $1.75 each. There is a Sony and Warner Channel which carries syndicated stuff like Seinfeld and The West Wing in English with Spanish subtitles. Every now and then this insomniac can find old Munsters episodes dubbed into Spanish. Normal cable service basically. This is really thrilling, si o no? We're getting there.

The Cable Onda package includes high-speed internet and phone service and is pretty cheap. The TV because of Kelso's friend's contacts was relatively cheap, too, free of tax and importer's profit. But what makes this cable package so very special and what has kept Kelso from throwing a fucking paperweight through the TV is that Cable Onda DOES NOT SHOW A SINGLE VARIANT OF FUCKING LAW & ORDER! Fox News is Fox News. We know what it's about. We don't watch it except for laughs from time to time. Just the mere existence of the television program LAW AND ORDER and it's many variants is enough to drive Kelso batshit crazy. And a blessed thing it is that NYPD BLUE also is not shown on the Cable Onda package. Kelso is not for censorship. He's simply glad that in searching for either the ESPN ESPANOL presentation of a Padre/D-Back game with Ernesto Jerez and Candy Maldonado's call or the English feed of Red Sox games on NESN, Kelso does not even have to see a nanosecond of either LAW & ORDER or NYPD BLUE.

You all want to know what "the problem" is? The problem isn't the spineless Democrats, nor is it the greedy, cold-hearted Republicans. The problem is cultural and deep-rooted. The problem quite simply is that there is no greater compliment a journalist can bestow upon someone than "career prosecutor." The problem is that EVERYBODY IN THAT BRUTAL FUCKING COUNTRY LOVES LAW AND ORDER. Even fucking progressives. In England, a partner in these monstrous wars to be sure but not for much longer, has a very popular show about wrongful prosecutions. Imagine if a show in the USA about wrongful prosecutions were as popular as LAW AND ORDER is. It's not even a chicken/egg thing merely a cultural observation. None of this has anything to do with Fred Thompson nor Dick Wolf's copious contributions to the Republican Party and pompous promotion of fascism on Larry King once or twice a year. It merely tells Kelso why this worship of the police and the prosecutor does you all no favor whatsoever. It allows for Gonzales and his bible girls. It allows for Wind and Koon and Powell and Briseno. No sale, huh? Still love LAW AND ORDER? Well, it's time to piss on the fire and call in the dogs. Here's a pig Republican Christian "career prosecutor" you are all going to love.

Federal Prosecutor Arrested In Child Sex Sting

POSTED: 2:04 pm EDT September 17, 2007
UPDATED: 8:28 am EDT September 18, 2007

DETROIT -- A U.S. Justice Department official has been arrested on suspicion of traveling to Detroit over the weekend to have sex with a minor.

John David R. Atchison, 53, an assistant U.S. attorney from the northern district of Florida, was arraigned in U.S. District Court in Detroit Monday afternoon.

An undercover officer posed as a mother offering her child to Atchison for sex, according to police.

Prosecutors said Atchison flew from Pensacola, Fla., to Detroit on Sunday intending to have sex with the 5-year-old girl.

He was arrested at Detroit Metropolitan Airport.

He is charged with enticement of a minor to engage in sexual activity.

According to authorities, Atchison made contact with a detective working undercover for the Macomb County Sheriff's department's.

The detective, acting as the child's mother, allegedly arranged a sexual encounter between Atchison and her 5-year-old daughter, police said.

In deposition, detectives said Atchison suggested the mother tell her daughter that "you found her a sweet boyfriend who will bring her presents."

The undercover detective expressed concern about physical injury to the 5-year-old girl as a result of the sexual activity. Detectives said Atchison responded, " I am always gentle and loving; not to worry, no damage ever, no rough stuff ever. I only like it soft and nice."

The undercover detective asked how Atchison can be certain of no injury. He responded, "Just gotta go slow and very easy. I've done it plenty," according to detectives.

Atchison, a member of the Florida bar association since 1984, lives in Gulf Breeze, Fla., near Pensacola.

He is president of the Gulf Breeze Sports Association, a youth athletics organization.

He described himself online as a family man. His wife is a science teacher at Gulf Breeze High School.

The Macomb County Sheriff's Department and the FBI were a part of the investigation.

Atchison remains in federal custody and a detention hearing will be held on Tuesday.

The man is innocent until proven guilty. His recent suicide attempt failed and he's pretty likely to face a fair trial. It's wonder the "career prosecutors" and the FBI involved in this case didn't just give the guy a pat on the back and the Department Of Justice equivalent of The Medal Of Freedom. There's probably a slim chance it's another McMartin type deal and he'll be found not guilty. But Kelso doesn't give a shit. The next time you vege out in front of LAW AND ORDER and find yourself digging it, you're just rooting for John David R. Atchison. "Career prosecutor" my granny's left tit. These thugs are ALL John David Atchison.

Kelso just knows that his cosmic punishment will come when Kelso Jr finishes law school and announces he is accepting a post as an Assistant United States Attorney. He's young yet and maybe that major league baseball player fantasy will come true for him. At any rate, when Kelso Jr was in-utero Kelso struck a small deal with the devil. Gay or straight? Fine. Economics professor or street-sweeper? Fine. We'll toss the dice, but he's gotta be healthy, a Mets fan, and a Democrat. So far. So good. And if there are any wiseasses out there who feel like saying "you're such a hypocrite about law enforcement. And you're against the death penalty. What if it were your son...?" If a Nazi Freak Career Prosecutor like Atchison got within 50 yards of Kelso Jr, there would be no place on this earth Mr. Career Prosecutor could hide. "Oh, but Kelso, you're advocating vigilantism." No. Kelso just said there was no place on earth Mr. Career Prosecutor could hide. If Kelso were really into vigilantism, he'd let Short Eyes go up for 5 years or so. Kelso's not a sadist and he despises the USA criminal "justice" system. Kelso would merely figure out a way to find Mr. Career Prosecutor and have a talk. A talk about such things as why child abuse is considered in some corners a good form of parenthood but dope-dealing or even strong armed-robbery are social cancers. Then, we could move the discussion on to more serious topics.

But Kelso Jr's mother is a careful woman and this crazed-up scenario is extraordinarily unlikely. Nice to be able to vent righteously about the madness of American justice and the insane TV shows that celebrate it, though. Oh, and "atone"? No, sorry. Pass, thanks. Chertoff, Greenspan, Lieberman, Wolfowitz, Perle...let them atone.

Kelso's Nuts love you