"YOU'RE OLD ENOUGH TO KILL/BUT NOT FOR POKER/YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN WAR, BUT..." NOT SO FAST, ASSHOLES. TODAY, FEMINISM DONE KELSO'S WAY

Here's the link. http://biz.yahoo.com/prnews/070916/nesu004.html?.v=1

Here's the text.

Norway's 18-Year-Old Annette Obrestad Stuns Poker World With 1 Million Pounds Sterling Win In First World Series of Poker(R) Europe Presented by Betfair.com
Sunday September 16, 10:35 pm ET

LONDON, Sept. 16 /PRNewswire-FirstCall/ -- Annette Obrestad became the youngest bracelet winner in World Series of Poker history early today by conquering the Main Event at the first annual WSOP Europe Presented by Betfair.com.

The 18-year-old Norwegian played masterfully over the course of the five- day 10,000 pounds buy-in No-Limit Texas Hold'Em Championship, outlasting a field that included the strongest showing of professionals in European poker history.

"I never expected to win," said the composed and articulate Obrestad, who turns 19 in just one day. "I'm speechless. I really don't know what to say."

"In the end, the Europeans dominated here," said WSOP Commissioner Jeffrey Pollack. "But this is the start of a new tradition for the World Series of Poker and the European and global poker communities. WSOP Europe will provide more exciting action in the years to come and we're confident poker greats from all over the world - and across the generations - will shine here, just as they have in Las Vegas."

Obrestad's win capped a series that saw European players - make that young European poker players - shut out veteran American professionals by winning all three WSOP bracelets up for grabs. Her victory over 22-year-old John Tabatabai of London came when her three sevens beat his two pair.

Obrestad won the 1 million pounds, or $2,013,102, first-place prize and the most coveted prize in all of gaming, a World Series of Poker 18-karat gold and jewel-encrusted bracelet created by luxury Swiss watchmaker CORUM, the official timepiece of the WSOP. Tabatabai earned £570,150, or $1,147,770, for second place.

With her performance, Obrestad's payday snapped two records held by poker pro Annie Duke. The first was Duke's one-day-old record as the first woman to exceed $1 million in official WSOP winnings, thanks to her 21st place finish in the WSOP Europe Main Event. Duke's 30,770 pounds, or $61,943, payday saw her edge just over the $1 million earnings mark. Duke also held the single- event record win for a woman with her $2 million winner-take-all victory in the 2004 Tournament of Champions staged by Harrah's Entertainment.

The world's top-ranked professionals journeyed to London this month for a chance to make poker history by winning the first three WSOP bracelets ever awarded outside the United States. But the likes of Phil Hellmuth, Doyle Brunson, Johnny Chan and scores of others were stymied in their quests, as Europe's cadre of young poker players - most of whose playing experience was gained online - performed exceptionally well.

Matthew McCullough, the last remaining American in the Main Event, finished third after going all in with top pair on the flop. The hopes of the 26-year-old New Jersey resident for a WSOP bracelet were dashed when John Tabatabai, who called with middle pair, matched his ace kicker for two pair that eliminated the full-time anesthetist. McCullough collected 381,910 pounds for third place.

Norwegian Oyvind Riisen, 22, won 257,020 pounds for finishing fourth, and Johannes Korsar, 20, of Uppsala, Sweden, got 191,860 pounds for fifth place.

Dominic Kay, 30, a professional sports trader from London, finished sixth to earn 152,040 pounds, while 24-year-old Magnus Persson of Gothenburg, Sweden, received 114,030 pounds for seventh place. Copenhagen's Theo Jorgensen, at age 35 the oldest player at the final table, won 85,070 pounds for his eighth-place finish.

Final-table play got under way at 2:30 p.m. GMT at The Casino at The Empire on Leicester Square. A few moments later, 21-year-old Londoner James Keys, who began the day with the lowest number of tournament chips, was eliminated. He collected 61,540 pounds for his efforts.

The 10th through 36th place finishers received from 41,630 pounds to 27,150 pounds, depending on their final position. The total prize pool for the Main Event was 3,676,990 pounds.

Well done, Annette Obrestad, well done, indeed. A remarkable accomplishment at any age. At 18, it's a marvel. What a pity YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO COMPETE IN ANY WSOP EVENTS IN THE UNITED STATES BECAUSE OF YOUR AGE. You are, however, permitted to join "the coalition of the willing," under US supervision of course. Excuse Kelso while he voids the contents of his stomach into the basin.

Here's the link to the list of in-the-money finishers: http://www.worldseriesofpoker.com/tourney/event.asp?tourneyID=3572&groupid=316

Here's the table of in-the-money finishers with some Kelso comments. And non-poker or non-gambling fans of Kelso's Nuts needn't worry. Kelso will explain everything in layman's terms.

Place Player Prize
1. Annette Obrestad £ 1,000,000
2. John (Kunkuwap) Tabatabai £ 570,150
3. Mathew McCullough £ 381,910
4. Oyvind Riisem £ 257,020
5. Johannes Korsar £ 191,860
6. Dominic Kay £ 152,040
7. Magnus Persson £ 114,030
8. Theo Jorgensen £ 85,070
9. James Keys £ 61,540
10. Gus Hansen £ 41,630
11. Steven Van Zadelhoff £ 41,630
12. Tino Lechich £ 41,630
13. William Durkee £ 38,010
14. Pat Scanlon £ 38,010
15. Karl Mahrenholz £ 38,010
16. Kenny (Phuong) Tran £ 34,390
17. Abishek Khaitan £ 34,390
18. Jakob Paulsen £ 34,390
19. Terry Cook £ 30,770
20. Aleksander Vathne £ 30,770
21. Annie Duke £ 30,770
22. Marco Traniello £ 30,770
23. Janne Lamsa £ 30,770
24. Nils-Oscar Berggren £ 30,770
25. Henrik Waltersson £ 30,770
26. Erick Lindgren £ 30,770
27. Nicolas Levi £ 30,770
28. Shaun Needham £ 27,150
29. Patrik Antonius £ 27,150
30. Julias Colman £ 27,150
31. Marceelo Marigliano £ 27,150
32. Patrick Jouven £ 27,150
33. Martin Johnson £ 27,150
34. Ian Frazer £ 27,150
35. Jamie Gold £ 27,150
36. Bob Willis £ 27,150

The 18-year old Ms. Obrestad beat #10 finisher Gus Hansen, widely regarded as the most mathematically sophisticated player in the world. She beat #21 finisher Annie Duke, widely regarded as the best female player, only about 30 years Oberstad's senior. She beat #26 finisher Erick Lindgren a world-class player Kelso himself has confronted in Panama in a cash game. Very tough player. Tried to duck him whenever Kelso could. She beat #35 finisher Jamie Gold the 2006 World Champion. Sweet St. Olaf, neither Doyle Brunson, the best player in the history of No Limit Texas Hold 'Em didn't finish in the money. Nor did former World Champions, Phil Hellmuth and Johnny Chan.

Only a sports analogy works here but this accomplishment is the equivalent of a college freshman winning the PGA OPEN GOLF CHAMPIONSHIP. That she's a young woman makes it all the better. But going back to our old favorite song "Eve Of Destruction", as far as the great United States is concerned she's still "Old enough to kill/but not for poker..." Freedom fries, cheese eaters, what the fuck ever...and you all wonder why Europe's kicking the crap out of you economically. Because Europe is not run by a bunch of Zealots who couldn't tell Jesus Christ from Tom Cruise's right nipple. Oh, gee whiz, sorry, we forgot that these rigid rules with regard to "vice" "protect our children" and "are valuable tools in the war on terror."

Ms. Obrestad we at the Nuts don't mean to demean or trivialize your marvelous accomplishment in any way, but thanks for one glorious moment of strapping it on and shoving in America's ass. If Kelso ever has a daughter, he'd like her to grow up to be just like you.

And if there are any naysayers out there who fret that gambling is an assault on the poor and unfortunate and MUST NEVER BE CONFLATED WITH REAL FEMINISM, please get off this blog now! Appreciate this remarkable young champion who's more of a barrier-breaker than Condoleeza Rice or Barbara Walters could ever be. And Annette Obrestad's only 18. The sky's the limit. Don't be weak, knee-jerk liberals. Enjoy the momentary cloud-breaks when they happen.

Feminism, again, like Baskin-Robbins comes in 31 flavors.

Kelso's Nuts love and admire you Annette Obrestad and every woman everywhere fighting it hard. On your terms. Without dogma but with your brains and guts.