THE HARDEST WAY TO MAKE AN EASY LIVING: RESULTS OF WEEK 6 OF KELSO V Lady Judith Francesca de la Samlð, The Oracle at Acheron NCAA Football Handicapping Contest

BOTTOM FIGURE GOING INTO WEEK 6: KELSO leads LJFDELSTOAA (4.99) to (5.29)

TOP FIGURE FOR WEEK 6 (yeesh!): KELSO (2.28), LJFDELSTOAA (4.46)

BOTTOM FIGURE COMING OUT OF WEEK 6: KELSO "leads" LJFDELSTOAA (7.27) to (9.75)

LJFDELSTOAA

Purdue -2 [- 1.06] Indiana loser
Tulsa -15.5 [- 1.05] Army loser
Louisiana Tech -6 [-1.05] San Jose State loser
Miami, FL +17 [-1.18] Virginia Tech loser
Penn State -2.5 [-1.11] Michigan State loser
Utah -14 [-1.13] New Mexico WINNER
Oregon State +2.5 [+ 1.01] Washington State WINNER
Alabama -24.5 [+1.01] UL Monroe loser
South Florida -7 [-1.08] Louisville WINNER
West Virginia -6.5 [-1.02] Cincinnati loser

KELSO

Oregon [-10-109] over ARIZONA loser
Hawai'i [-7-101] over NEVADA loser
NEW MEXICO STATE [-9-104] over Utah State loser
KANSAS [-26"-105] over Iowa State WINNER
Central Florida [-13-108] over SMU WINNER
HOUSTON [-12-105] over Marshall loser
NAVY [-16-109] over Northern Illinois loser
San Jose State/LOUISIANA TECH UNDER <53-105>WINNER
SOUTH FLORIDA [-7-113] over Louisville WINNER
Wisconsin [-14+102] over MINNESOTA loser

Well, that was quite something.

Believe it or not, we're actually good at this. The Oracle and I are probably doing better Fundamentalist missionary work here than all the Pat Robertsons in all of Christendom can do. This, children, is what it's like. Do you realize how bad minus 8 positions or so is? If Bono weren't such a fucking goniff his jack-leg charity could feed, clothe, house, educate and entertain any number of Somalian villages with 8 positions!

You fight like hell to find ways to get it in good, but very often it gets put in you good. There is no cheering nor High 5s, no Cristal and no jewelry. That is only in very bad movies. On good days you allow yourself a sarcastic, self-deprecating shrug. On bad days, you wipe yourself off, lace 'em up for the next day and do it all over again. At the end of the year if you've made 5c on every USD or 5p in every GBP you've washed through, and have managed to dodge the Bible School Girls, you're OK. Mostly, it's hours and hours of work and intense periods of self-loathing, regret, and anhedonia. A nap, an unsatisfying toss-off and a good cry is about all the vacation you get. You can win with enough work, enough book-learning and a high enough shit threshold, though, which actually makes this better than most jobs. But when it's bad, it's huevo puta bad. So, no, you don't want to be a professional gambler. If you can buy into the Republican USA-USA-USA thingy and tolerate that exurban office-park cubicle you're better off. Never mind about the Spanish words and the betting and the desordenes. Mr. Charlie better than Mr. Lefty (in any and all senses). Urgh.

Kelso's Nuts love you