To Senator Obama: "What is it about you, Senator, and your message of 'hope' that resonates so well with the American public?"
To Senator Clinton: "Isn't it disingenous of you to say, Hillary, that ________________? And why does America find you so untrustworthy?"
To Senator McCain: "The American people want to know what victory feels like, Colonel. Please tell us all, won't you? We're ready for some of your unique brand of Straight Talk."
To Governor Romney: "Which has hurt your campaign more, the amount of coarse self-financing you've done from your own billion-dollar fortune or that you've changed your position on so many issues?"
Not that those aren't relevant and unbiased questions. Quite the contrary. They're excellent questions. Very penetrating. We're just a little tired of the soporific sameness. We respect the MSM's objectivity.
We do think, though, that given that neither the debates nor the interviews so far have hewed particularly close to the formal debate or interview structure, respectively, a new kind of question, perhaps, representing the very, very, unusual and new kind of politics on display this campaign season, is in order. To wit: We would like Messrs Cooper and Blitzer to ask the candidates these 4 questions:
- How does a blind guy know when he's done wiping his ass? (The answers will reveal creative problem-solving skills)
- How much money would you take to go one round with Mike Tyson at his prime or three rounds with Kelly Pavlik now? (The answers will reveal thresholds of greed and also demonstrate personal courage)
- When you are outdoors at night and hear crickets chirping, do you think that's 3 crickets or 300 crickets? (The answers will reveal whether or not that candidates have sufficient knowledge of the natural word. This is important given how committed they all are to the "green economy.")
- Nietzsche said "God Is Dead." God says Nietzsche is. Who is right and why? (The answers will show that the candidates at least have a first-year college student's knowledge of philosophy and will also show exactly how religious they all are -- not that we doubt the sincerity of anyone's faith).
That's it.
NOT QUITE. A LATE ADDITION. 5 ADDITIONAL QUESTIONS FOR SEN. OBAMA (D/R-VICHY) FROM MELISSA McEWEN AT SHAKESVILLE http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2008/01/i-have-questions-for-barack-obama.html
Kelso's Nuts love you
4 comments:
If Mdm Z were a candidate, she would answer as follows
1. He sniffs the toilet paper.
2. There is not enough money in the universe to make me go one round with Tyson. I'm a chicken (get it? Tyson's chicken? Oh well.) Who the hell is Kelly Pavlik?
3. I think it would be 3 crickets. The only place you would find 300 crickets in one spot would be in the lizard cage in the zoo or pet shop.
4. Nietzsche was right. But if he were wrong, God would be right.
Do I get to be president now? Holy crickets, I hope not!
Z: World Middleweight Champion, but, of course, YOU can answer the questions. I want to hear Clinton, Obama, Edwards, McCain, Romney, Huckabee and Paul weigh in. Btw, are Gravel and Keyes still in it?
yes, dear, I know you wanted the inferior candidates to answer the questions. But I don't think they read your blog. (I could be wrong on that, though.)
Did you hear that Edwards has dropped out? I don't know about Gravel and Keyes. Haven't heard anything lately about them, one way or the other.
Z: They read Kos and Eschaton and The HuffPo, but they don't read ANY of us. I surely don't expect the HRC people to read me and I doubt the Obama people are checking out Jonestown even though their one out-of-the-closet Obama supporter, Dave Dancy, is a writer with brains, balls, a sense of humor and a sense of perspective.
Gravel still technically in according to CNN as of an hour ago. Still know nothing about Keyes.
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