"BITCH"? NO PASARAN!

My nuts are very scalded right now, because of bullshit and because I have to get into the thing I hate most which is identity politics.

I watched the Myrtle, SC, debate for the third time and am now thoroughly convinced that Clinton got the best of Obama in the so-called "schoolyard spat" or whatever. When HRC was on the board of Wal-Mart, Sam Walton was alive and, no, it was not a gem of perfect holistic human relations policy, nor was it a gentle competitor, but it was not the Wal-Mart of today. Moreover, HRC did not deny that she sat on its board. Why should she deny it? It's the truth. Why should she have not sat on its board? It was the biggest company in Arkansas and she was a corporate lawyer with trajectory. I'm not turning that down. Are you?

Barack Obama did work for a slumlord and did collect campaign contributions from him. When the man was indicted for offenses unrelated to Obama, the latter quite sensibly returned the contributions. What was so hard about saying that? Or saying nothing at all? Instead he throws off this jive about joint ventures with a church (oooh!) and a mumbled responsed very much like Bush's when asked about Ken Lay's contributions, you remember: "Ken Lay? Don't know him. I think he supported Ann Richards against me." I listened to that Nevada editorial board interview over and over again and at no point did Obama take Reagan to task for getting poor people to vote against their best interests. Or did he mean that his "transformative" politics would be to get the rich to vote against their own interests. Right! That was an outright lie he told on stage. Son, you got caught pandering. Best to get it past you and move on. You cannot make this work for you. I take that back. It'll work if you do what you're itching to do right now which is leave the Democratic Party.

Finally, I think Senator Clinton was well within her rights to have been super-ironic and riff on Obama's hero Ronald Reagan and say to Obama: "Wellllll, there you go ag-AIN!" Because that's just what he always does when challenged. He evades. No, that's what Bill Clinton used to do. What Obama does is worse. He denies everything and hides behind the figleaf of "getting past the tired old politics of yesteryear and all the divisiveness." We started to examine what the tired old politics of yesteryear were. The Voting Rights Act, for starters. And, no, Barack Obama you are not Martin Luther King, Jr. Sorry.

I have no idea what Obama's "community organizing" consisted of but I highly doubt he was in any "streets." Get off that narrative, everybody, please. He's an artistocratic guy. His father was a wealthy diplomat. His mother's a blue-blood. There's nothing wrong with that at all -- I felt terrible the way, for example, two wealthy, educated brown-skinned baseball stars, Barry Bonds and Bobby Bonilla, were slammed both for being "thugs" and for being too "haughty" or whatever because they didn't speak ghetto -- but whatever Barack Obama was doing "in the streets" was a social experiment, not anything based on need. No way.

But that's just another look back. What's scalding my nuts is how free everyone is with the word "bitch" with regard to Senator Clinton. What's the matter with Kansas? Christ, what's the matter with whole stinking country. And we're not even talking about the most criminal sadistic administration in the nation's history. We're talking about Democrats. I think I have a completely distorted view of this living in the part of the world I do. There are four principal economic players down here: Argentina, Brazil, Chile, and Panama. The president of Argentina is Cristina Fernandez-Kirchner. The president of Chile is Michelle Bachillet. The previous president of Panama was Mireya Moscoso and the next one will likely be Balbina Herrera. I've traveled in all sorts of circles here, yes, even on the "streets" of San Miguelito as part of my fucking social experiment. No, I was joking. I have friends in politics there. But, aside from an understandable Clinton worship here, which there's no getting around because Bill Clinton is singularly responsible for allowing Panama to bring itself into the first world, no one, not business leaders, not ward-heelers, not gamblers, not club owners, not fucking strip club owners use the words "zorra" or "perra" or "bruja" to describe any of these female political leaders whether they agree with the politics or not. And this is a country that loves to curse. It's huevo-puta this, chucha-madre that, leche the other, verga the other's brother. Yet, Maureen Dowd and Camille Paglia and John "Walnuts" McCain have probably made $10s of millions calling Clinton a "bitch." And nobody gives a shit. That's real nice.

Try to say you think Obama looks like a nervous nigger robbing a bank in every one of these debates. Just try it. It's ugly and vulgar but no more so than calling Clinton a "bitch" is. Try saying that about him. Not as a politician. Not at your own jobs. Just among your own friends and see what happens. They'll think you've lost your mind and maybe rightfully so.

Now, imagine -- if you can -- a part of the world I know you all think you're superior to. Cocaine. Rain forests. Revolutionaries. Guerrillas. Fascists. Communists. Peasants. Strikes. Poverty. Corruption. Can't speak English, what's wrong with them? The ignorant Latin machismo. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Bullshit. Call Balbina Herrera a "perra" here. Please. Just try it. Try it among your "friends." It's OK everybody does it in America. And America's the greatest country on Earth. Please try it and see what happens. Try it for my sake. No more friends, no more teeth.

Hey listen, try calling my attorney that. She's considering a National Assembly run from the district adjecent to San Miguelito. And -- oooh! -- she's a trial lawyer. And a defense lawyer. And will only prosecute violent criminals as her part of the QC system they have here. She doesn't believe in harsh punishment for non-violent crime. And she's very tough. Takes absolutely no shit from anyone. So, come on down and call her that awful name. In my presence. Please. I don't get to act like an 11-year old too often. I'd love to have a god's honest brawl with an American.

Think about it. You're going to have to think about it because whether it's HRC or Obama against Walnuts or Rudy it's going to be "bitch" or "nigger" and the press is going to be with Walnuts or Rudy, not Obama anymore. And if it's Edwards you might hear "communist" or "nigger-lover." Fucking come together as Democrats. Not in the bullshit Obama empty-suit way nor the Nuke Iran Clinton way, nor the I-hate-queers-and-love-Jesus Edwards way, but as Democrats. And figure it out.

[nb: I'm not so stupid as to confuse the way Senator Clinton is casually called a "bitch" with -- say -- FAIRLANE's signature phrase "Drink up, Bitches!". I merely jealous that he thought of it because it's a cool signature phrase.]

You bet your teeth.

Kelso's Nuts love you