MAYOR LITTLE-LORD-FAUNT-LE-ROY AND "BRACE-YOURSELF-BRIDGET"

This courtesy of Oddjack.com who said it better than Kelso ever could and Kelso quotes:

"After this past weekend’s raid of the popular Broadway Club in the Chelsea neighborhood of Manhattan, many poker players are obviously aggrieved after another one of their clubs has been shut down by police. The Broadway achieved notoriety in recent weeks for attracting such luminaries as New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez and notorious loudmouthed poker pro Phil Hellmuth. Police arrested 13 dealers and other workers and about $56,000 in cash Friday night. Now, the New York players love their private poker clubs. And after the two other clubs were raided over the spring, many poker players vented their frustrations on Craig’s List. Once again, the poker players unleash their displaced fury against Manhattan’s police force and raid-happy mayor:


LOVE YOU JEWBERG YOU MIDGET AND YOUR INEPT POLICE FORCE WHO MAKE FEEBLE ATTEMPTS AT TRYING TO CLOSE DOWN THESE POKER CLUBS.YOU’RE A BUNCH OF CLOWNS.HOW DOES IT FEEL TO LOOK UP TO EVERYONE IN THE WORLD?WHAT’S A COP MAKE THESE DAY’S,60K TOPS?MY CHEAPEST CAR IS 78,000 AND I HAVE 5 CAR.IM A CONVICTED FELON,NEVER SPENT A DAY IN JAIL FOR MY CRIMES ANDI NEVER HAD TO PAY THE $500,000 + RESTITUTION THE COURT ORDERED OVER 10 YEARS AGO.CRIME DOES PAY!YOU COPS ARE LIKE SHEEP FOLLOWING THE ORDERS OF A 5’5 MIDGET.GET REAL CAREERS.I GOT MY MASTERS AND YOU STILL CAN’T TOUCH ME WITHOUT FIRST NOTIFYING MY LAWYER’S. ALL THESE COPS WERE PICKED ON IN HIGH SCHOOL AND FIGURED CARRYING A GLOCK 19 GIVES THEM POWER.I HAVE A GLOCK 22.FUNNY THING IS THAT YOU HAVE THE HIGHEST SUICIDE RATE,EXPLAIN THAT?YOU’RE ALL CLOWNS WORKING FOR THAT JEW PRICK.I DO LOVE THIS TOWN..THE CITY OF BLINDING LIGHTS


Ah, the misguided rants of a displaced poker player. When will the injustice end?

Bust folds ‘em at A-Rod Poker Spot [NY Daily News]
Bloomberg and All His Inept Police Force [Craig’s List]"


What's "Brace-Yourself-Bridget"? Why it's Irish foreplay, of course. And now -- courtesy of one of Kelso's loyal Floppers -- for Kelso the penny drops. John "Tyranny" Tierney and Maureen Dowd were lovers back in the Clinton days when MoDo was slightly to the Right of the Archduke Ferdinand on all matters sexual: a chief Bubba hater, friend of the loyal-cop-on-the-beat (see above), an absolute worshipper of John McCain, ardently pro-death penalty and anti-abortion, and one of the leading Al Gore tormentors. Now, all of a sudden the hideous shy-girl is all up in Bush's grill with her column and her stupid collection of columns called Bushworld, like she's Angela Davis or more properly Bernadette Devlin.

First of all, Maureen Dowd couldn't carry Ms. Devlin's pamphlets, much less lead the IRA to semi-autonomy, but that's beside the point. What's on point is that Irish guys don't know the first fucking thing about how to please a woman which is why once MoDo got a taste of Michael Douglas's Hebrew National, she'd turned all Liberal because she got that good Jewish lovin' and couldn't go back. She's on the A-Team now, and despite her feet of clay, we're glad to have her. Sort of. Until, the next Irish dude that reminds her of her Daddy brings her back to her roots. Then all bets are off. You know they still don't sell condoms in the rest rooms in Irish bars.

Pity the poor woman who's getting Tierney's tepid loving now. Maybe he gets her all warmed up by telling her that the Triangle-Shirt-Waist-Fire was the fault of the Jewish seamstresses and not the fault of the bosses who locked the doors and then really wets her up by telling her how unfair it is that Democrats outnumber Republicans on US college and university campuses 7-1. Wet girl, but, sorry John the missionary position and the rhythm method and 15 pints of Guinness don't cut it in NYC. Here's some free advice from Kelso you to "Tough Guy Tyranny": (1) Pick on someone your own size, preferrably MEN WHO ARE ALIVE (2) Pick up a copy of Our Bodies, Our Selves and learn how to fuck (3) Pick up some Viagra, you toy cunt. Bill Bennett -- a real, Irish tough-guy -- will teach you all you need to know.

A further note on the Club Broadway bust. One on the longer-running clubs has made it's policy not to give Alex Rodriguez a membership. Good on you for respecting your loyal members, your own business, your own employees, and your reputation. A-Rod can find plenty of high-stakes home games to play in and if he had one hair on his ass he'd play in the Larry Flynt 100K/200K game in LA, but as the famous picture of A-Rod carrying his Kate Spade purse down to first after karate-chopping Bronson Arroyo's mitt shows, it's clear that A-Rod (at least pokerwise) is a self-adoring pussy who doesn't give a shit about his fans and is too scared to play poker up to his financial level, because unless Kelso misses his guess, A-Rod never even finished high school and that was in Miami yet! Dumbass jock. Priceless watching him cry in the dugout after that play last year, wanting his mamacita.

Kelso's Nuts are fired-up pissed tonight, but still love you.