AND...LIKE TWO SILKY SULLIVANS FROM OUT OF THE CLOUDS...

Both Bill O'Reilly and Pat Robertson pass the Proud Caribbean-American General at the 1/8 pole and draw away together only to dead-heat at the wire for DWEEB OF THE WEEK. O'Reilly, of course, for recommending that Al-Qaida next target the Coit Tower in San Francisco. The Coit Tower as all you West Coast Floppers will know is a monument to the firefighters of the City Of San Francisco. Pat Robertson for promising that God will not be available to the citizens of Dover, PA, should tragedy strike that hamlet for the sin of tossing out the Republican school board who okayed the teaching of "Intelligent Design" alongside evolution and adaptation.

We hold the cowardly Caribbean American General in abeyance for a later date. He's worthy of more scorn and invective anyway. Kelso does owe this particular House-N a big debt of gratitude for flirting with the Republican nomination for President of the United States in the fall of 1995, become an instant favorite with the bookmakers and allowing Kelso to cash a huge bet on Bill Clinton's re-eclection at 2/1 against. Thanks, Talcum-Powder Anthrax man. Psst...to all of you African-American males between the ages of 13 and 21, Colin Powell is lying about the "bootstraps." To quote Billy Bragg: "the system has failed you/don't fail yourself" and for god sakes don't listen to any lectures by Colin Powell who lied bald-facedely to the world in order to secure the death and maiming of thousands and thousands. The answers are in your local library and on the SATs. But if it happens to occur to you that your teachers drive VW Bugs and the dealers drive pimped-rides, that's a choice you're going to have to make for yourselves. The good lord knows many of Kelso's ancestors made that choice...some to great success (e.g.,Edgar Bronfman & Family, Cyril Stein & Family) most to great pain and tragedy. Colin Powell's opinions on the subject aren't worth hogsnot. Well, check out Balzac on the subject, at least. A good compromise: a visit to the library combined with a confirmation that the Vice Route is as good as any.

What would Tom Wolfe (is his fecal matter white also?) call this? A heaping-helping of "Radical Chic" from Kelso. Probably. But who gives a fuck. There's fuck-all wrong with a little "Radical Chic". It absolutely crushes "Patriotism Chic", "God Chic", "Giuliani Chic" or "Yellow Ribbon Chic," and is bound to procure it's practioner more fun.

Have a delightful Sunday everybody.

Kelso's Nuts love you.