KELSO RESISTED ALL OF THE BAD 'SPECTER' HALLOWEEN PUNS

But this Alito business is velly, velly bad news. To the 14 likely nays, we really ought to add Bayh, Dayton, Jeffords, Obama, Reed, Reid, and three of Bingaman, Clinton, Wyden and Murray, bringing the projected senate vote to confirm to the Roberts number of 77-23. The speculation that the so-called "Gang of 14" will go anywhere but thumbs-up is pure fantasy. All of the Southern Democrats, Lieberman, etc., will certainly vote for this guys. Specter has put paid to the idea that Collins of Snowe will vote nay.

And let's continue with Specter, shall we? What exactly has the man done to earn any label other than Conservaative Republican? Announce that he's notionally pro-choice? Big deal, Reid is anti-choice and is going to vote nay. Oh, wait, he voted against Bork. Again, big-deal. And Bork is probably to the left of Alito. He's certainly smarter and funnier. So, again, Specter has decided to go out like a bitch when he could go out like a hero. Too bad. He'll be a minor footnote by the time Ed Rendell has his seat.

Before Alito is confirmed and gambling is punishable by lethal injection, let's do this weekend's NCAA football:

* MEMPHIS -2 1-2 OVER ALABAMA-BIRMINGH (this one's already dead--Kelso is ALWAYS honest)
* NOTHWESTERN +2 1-2 OVER IOWA (add taking points with Northwestern at home to the ______ killed more Jews than Hitler did joke)
* CENTRAL MICHIGAN +2 1-2 OVER NORTHERN ILLINOIS
* OREGON -1 1-2 OVER CALIFORNIA
* CENTRAL FLORIDA +2 1-2 OVER HOUSTON
* UCLA -9 1-2 OVER ARIZONA
* TCU -7 OVER COLORADO STATE

Now, what was up with that sick front-page puff piece on Alito in the Tissue Of Lies yesterday. Neil Lewis had Alito's prick in his mouth and was doing the biz in a serious way. Why and what's the reason for? Kelso can only think of one way in on this question. The Tissue is PC but it is also racist. Alito was on the losing side of any argument that held that racial discrimination was OK if it would inflcit obvious harm to the business in question if the business DID NOT DISCRIMATE. Most of the Tissue's readership is White and if push-came-to-shove-and-shove-to-worse, it is Kelso's view that most of the Tissue's readership would take a Bull Connor (shit, they LOVED Rudy Giuliani) over a Martin Luther King, Jr., in a heartbeat. Management feels they have been betrayed by Black people because of Jayson Blair, so they decided to let Gerald Boyd go along with Blair thought what Boyd's crime in that was is a mystery to Kelso. Oh, sure they'll have a "bootstraps" guy like Brent Staples write his Uncle Tom crap, but Kelso would not want to be Bob Herbert or Diane Cardwell right now. They ought to be working on books and looking for work with the LA Times. Sports being such a backwater for the Tissue, William C. Rhoden is probably safe, as is Clifton Brown for the same reason. Kelso will bet a dollar to a Canadian dime that Bill Keller and Pinch Sulzberger don't even know who Rhoden and Brown are.

You know Lewis wasn't sucking Alito off because of Alito's position on contraception and choice (staunchly against both). So, Kelso is "putting the Tissue on" the Margaret Sanger position: yes to contraception, yes to abortion, yes to White purity, though how Jewish and Italian-American equals "White" exactly is beyond Kelso's limited comprehension. Epsicopalian is White. If assigning editors believed their own science pages, though, they'd realize that Black people and Scandinavian people are near perfect matches as to DNA, and we are indeed all brothers under and in the skin.

DUDE and DWEEB of the week still very much up for grabs. DUDE may be Freddy Ferrer for the hilarious Bloomberg/Bush cowboy hand-job ad, a risky proposition given Ferrer's own masculinity problem. DWEEB could be Russell Simmons for endorsing Bloomberg, Lewis for the repulsive puff-piece on Alito, but Specter's really got the inside path to victory.

NFL tomorrow.

Kelso's Nuts love you.