KELSO'S NUTS YOU'RE A REAL BLOG NOW
Kelso is proud as an atheist peacock to announce our first investigative report, breaking news and real inside stuff. Flopper "G" has solved the Magic Johnson Bloomberg spot mystery. Kelso cannot do better than "G," so he highlights it here:
"Kelso, I have an inkling about why Magic is endorsing Bloomberg. There is an extraordinarily ugly apartment building (co-ops I believe) going up at the intersection of Flatbush and Park Place in Brooklyn. It is being built on the site of the old Brooklyn Tabernacle,which was (mostly) demolished to make way for this development.
The "developer" is understood by most to be a guy called Anderson (I can't remember his first name), but he's done a lot of cheap (construction wise, but very expensive to buy) in Park Slope proper. What I think MOST people don't know, is that this building is actually being financed by who? the Canyon Johnson Fund based in LA. I was at one point under the impression that the Fund was an organization interested in developing "affordable" housing. But from what I can tell so far, these apartments, if the prices of current new developments in Park Slope and Prospect Heights are any indicator, will have one-bedroom room apartments costing no less than $500K. Affordable? I think not in the Mitchell-Lama mold of affordable housing for the middle-class of New York City.
Sorry for such a long post. But Magic Johnson is a New York City real estate developer. Ratner, Silverstein, Tishman and all the rest are supporting Bloomberg ... so why would it be any wonder that he would not as well?"
Thanks, G, for the scoop and for making Kelso's Nuts a real, official, part of the blogosphere. Kelso is going to have to put you on the Russell Simmons case. Why is Russell Simmons so vocal in his support for Bloomberg? As Floppers Of The Nuts know, Mr. Simmons is not a real big hero on the blog. Kelso's just going to start with the invective and let his brilliant Floppers do the rest. Now, imagine this in the voice of Butt-Head talking to the Saintly Hip-Hop Mogul: "dude, you're...like...uhhh...Oprah Winfrey with a penis, dude...uhh-huh-huh, huh-huh." Oh, and Kelso bets that Kimra's feet stink which is why she has so many fucking shoes. Don't believe the hype: Russell Simmons is nobody's progressive. Someone is bound to find something very similar to what "G" found out about Magic.
Too gentle? Lets take the gloves off. Kelso is sick to his stomach of these bling-bling douchebags. While, he's perfectly happy that Sag Harbor and Martha's Vineyard are now integrated, why can these dildoes like Simmons and Puffy stay the fuck away from the polo matches? ONCE AGAIN, THIS IS NOT A SIGN OF SOCIAL PROGRESS, AND IT'S BECOMING A PRETTY BRIGHT SIGN OF SOCIAL REGRESS. Jewish Kelso is happy to leave his Espiscopalian, Congregationalist and Presbyterian cousins alone to their devices if he's not welcome. This may have made Rehnquist into a villain during the 1986 hearings, and may be gross, racist and retrograde, but Kelso is willing to strike a deal with the Meadow and Maidstone clubs: no matter how much money Kelso makes, he will NEVER apply for membership if you stick to your standards and keep out Puffy and Russell. Deal? Fuck it (and Kelso played for integrated Sandy Hollow against Maidstone in the summer leagues from 1971-1975; they are bigoted WASP Republicans, which passes for liberal in Southern Fascist America these days), if Maidstone can spit out a guy like Howard Dean, they must not be 100% bad. It's a whole other story if you're talking about any and all members of the Wu-Tang Clan. RZA, GZA, GHOSTFACE KILLAH, U-GOD and the ghost of OLD DIRTY BASTARD at Meadow or Maidstone would be awesome.
Kelso's willing to give out DUDE and DWEEB OF THE WEEK today. We'll start with the DWEEB: Arlen Specter for reasons set forth in last two postings. DUDE OF THE WEEK is an obvious choice: Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) for hitting Bill Frist and Pat Roberts (R-KA) upside the head with 10 inches of limp dick. The Tissue Of Lies in the news pages was back to their old tricks on this one, accusing Reid of dirty dealing and using an "arcane" rule to force a closed-session and a 3-on-3 panel to investigate the run-up to the war in Iraq. Then comes David Brooks's dumbass column calling Reid some kind of tin-foil-hat conspiracy theorist. Harry Reid was a boxer. David Brooks wrote a snotty little book called Bobos In Paradise. You make the call.
Reid has been a little more conservative on social issues in the past than Kelso would have liked, but Reid is turning out to be the best leader the Democrats have had in years: way better than Daschle, way better than Mitchell...the guy is not taking ANY shit. And make no mistake about this: while Reid's move was the right thing to do, it was also payback to Frist and the rest of the Senate's Christian American Taliban Wing for the Harriet Miers disaster. He had worked out a fairly good compromise with the White House on Miers, and got beat by the Christian Right.
And at the intersection of Christian Right Avenue and Gambling Boulevard, here's this week's NFL:
* JAGUARS -13 OVER TEXANS
* GIANTS -10 1-2 OVER '49ERS
* SEAHAWKS -4 OVER CARDINALS
Finally, let a proud Dad brag. Kelso, Jr., absolutely cleaned his Daddy's clock at Hold 'Em last Saturday. He already had half his Dad's stack when this hand came up: Kelso 8-6 off from the small blind; checked. Jr. raised Dad 2. Dad called. The flop came 6-7-8, giving top-and-botton-two-pair. Dad pushed all-in, Jr called. And showed Pocket 7s which held up.
Jr. is 5 3/4. His Daddy could not possibly be prouder. The "Scarlet Knight Of Moscow" recommends putting Jr. on Nickelodeon's Tiny Tot Tour!
Kelso's Nuts love you.
3 comments:
The reason Scarlet wants your pup on tour is because Jr.'s probably the one hold 'em player he may occasionally best.
FB
This is an old-school throwdown -- going back 10 years -- Floppers, to a good stakes game in the early days of the Russian capital markets.
OK, Kelso also understands that there is some -- what's Piano-Teeth's word? "Chatter" -- in the sub-blogosphere of one of the most dedicated fans of this site that Kelso's offensive. You mean chicken's don't have lips! Want solutions? Go elsewhere. What makes irony so great is that it takes fewer words to make the same point; the point itself can be made with humor and to greater effect. But as Kelso loves all his Floppers (identified and in the chatter-osphere), here is the English translation of yesterday's posting.
AS IS THE CASE WITH BONO, BOB GELDOLF, AND MAGIC JOHNSON -- THE CASE NAILED TO THE FLOOR BY "G" YESTERDAY -- RUSSELL SIMMONS AND PUFF DADDY HAVE GOTTEN TO THE POINT AT WHICH THEIR CONNECTION TO THEIR COMMUNITY IS TENUOUS AT BEST. IN PUFFY'S CASE ONLY THE SLIGHTS AND BEEFS REMAIN AS RESIDUAL CULTURAL CONNECTORS. HAVING RUSSELL SIMMONS ENGAGE IN SELF-AGGRANDIZEMENT AND MARKETING IS NOT RESOLIVING THE RACE, CLASS AND POVERTY TRAGEDIES, IT'S JUST BRINGING MORE MONEY INTO HIS OWN COFFERS. THAT HE ENDORSES BLOOMBERG IS AN OBVIOUS CHOICE DEPSITE BLOOMBERG'S FINANCIAL AND SUPPORTIVE TIES TO BUSH AND DELAY. RUSSELL SIMMONS IS NOW IN THE RULING CLASS AND IS ACTING WITHOUT MUCH CLASS. AS TO THE CONCEIT OF THE PIECE, IF GIVEN A CHOICE OF BEING RULED BY A CORPORTATIST CHOICE OR OLD-FASHIONED WASPS OR BLING-BLING, KELSO WILL TAKE THE WASPS EVERY TIME BECAUSE THE RULES WERE CLEAR, AND THE LEADERS WHO HAVE COME OUT OF THAT CULTURE HAVE BEEN SOME OF OUR BEST: TEDDY R, FDR, IKE, LINDSAY, AND HOWARD DEAN.
NOTHING HAS COME FROM THE BLING-BLING CORNER OF THE RULING CLASS BUT BAD MUSIC AND MARKETING.
IF ANY OF YOU WANT THIS AS ANY ESSAY OR A DISSERTATION TOPIC, GO FOR IT: "THE MIDDLE-ATLANTIC STATES WASP ELITE HAS BEEN MORE OF A PROGRESSIVE FORCE FOR THE UNITED STATE THAN HAVE THE NEW BILLIONAIRES OF THE HIP-HOP ERA, SUPPORT, MODIFY OR RUFUTE."
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