FROM THE BAIZE AND THE BOWELS
Well, the expected happened and the little guy with the "timely market information system" has reclaimed Gracie Mansion. Few quibbles from Kelso. Kelso is heavily into "short-pride" and is happy with the success of any short man. Kelso also took Ferrer +27 1-2 percentage points, which was a fucking gift and one of the easiest covers you'll ever see.
But best of all is now that "Mike" is back in office and the real-estate bubble marches on, he need no longer fear the explosion of private poker clubs. Thus, they are sprouting up again all over town and "Mike" who is really a typical Republican when you think about it -- vice for me, but not for thee -- can stop worrying about reading about A-Rod, club raids, etc. Yes, "Mike," NYC is still safe for tourists, despite all those "dangerous gamblers" playing poker in the bowels. FIRE industries still control everything and Mickey Mouse is still the King Of The Deuce.
Make no mistake, the NYC poker club battle will be seen as a major skirmish in the retaking of America. Kelso is hearing Upper-Middle-Class-White-Guys-In-Suits-And-Ties saying "fuck tha police" over all this. Kelso left NYC during the Dinkins administration and only returned for the tail end of Giulaini 2. Until this poker shit started happening he had NEVER ONCE BEFORE heard a White Man knocking the police. Even white men on the other side of the law had always preferred the cops to the "moolies." Well, Kelso tends to believe in the French rather than Russian Revolutionary model, and that says the successful revolutions are led by the middle-class. It’s Kelso's impression that Thorstein Veblen supported this point of view in THE THEORY OF THE LEISURE CLASS. And baby the middle-class is on a boil no yellow-ribbon or flag-pin can stop. They're mad and stupid. $500K for a place to live? Just dump the tea in the harbor and be done with it.
DWEEB OF THE WEEK goes to Colin Powell. Why? Just because it's his turn. His chief-of-staff made an idiot out of him and his absurd roll-of-the-dice at the UN has come back to haunt him. Thankfully, we don't have to listen to his lecturing and hectoring about pulling oneself up by his bootstraps. It's curtains for Colin unless he goes Democrat. His career is kind of a sad chapter in our nation's history in a way. Meanwhile, the other coward, John McCain, remains one of the favorites for his party's nomination. Guess it was worth it letting Bush and Rove stomp all over you and your family and then bestow multiple hugs and flag-salutes upon the Monkey. He'll probably win the nomination and draw Hillary Clinton as an opponent. Lucky him. Well, as he is probably to Clinton's left on most issues that may not be so bad, but he's still a cowardly politician and that POW thing is starting to wear real thin. Kelso, for one, is so over that. He had his chance to make a difference in our servicepeoples' lives and he chose to roll over. Guess if you do a pound in a Viet Cong POW camp you ought to get paid, but still...Kelso recommends giving St. John $100 million from the Treasury and telling him just to go away and stop talking.
Thomas Friedman made a very strong case for himself for the DWEEB crown with his "glorious center" op-ed complete with prayers and everything. What are you telling us, Tom, that Jews pray, too? Well, meet Kelso -- a Jew what don't. Get past the all the praying in the op-ed and you'll get to the point: that American politics have become polarized into far-left and far-right when most of the country is center-left or center-right. Kelso begs to differ. Dennis Kucinich would be a middle-of-the-road back-bench Labour MP and Teddy Kennedy could probably find some room on the Tory left. Kerry would be a Tory "Wet" and Joe Lieberman would be at the RIGHT of the Tory party, kind of like Anne Widdecombe (google, please, she is a weird old bird). So much for your political analysis, Walrus. As for average Americans themselves, what 95% believe that the Earth is 5000 years old? 75% can't find their home city on a map? 65% believe that the Sun revolves around the earth? Center-left and Center-right have no meaning to these people. Just lambs to the slaughter. The poorest child in the poorest slum of Port-Au-Price knows more history, science, math, etc., than your average American does.
Here's Kelso's clarion call to the masses: God didn't create Man; Man created God. Now, off to NASCAR, the bible, and crystal meth with you.
As for Judy Miller, Kelso is going to take an unorthodox stand here. Sure, she was complicit in leading this country to war. If she's into war, Kelso's assuming that she's also religious and will burn in the hell of her own fantasy after she joins the majority. But that's not the point. The point is that people do things for 4 reasons: LOVE, LUST, LOATHING AND LUCRE. Kelso's guessing all four were in play here as she may have been fucking Irving Libby, Jr., probably furious at hubby Jason Epstein's philandering, and collecting mad Chalabi checks off-shore. She's more-or-less the Susan McDougal of this administration, took the heat and did the time for her man. Kelso hates to admit it but that's an admirable trait in anyone.
Kelso's just wondering, did Judy and Scooter act out the pre-pubescent-girl-in-a-cage-with-a-bear fantasy? Man, but these Right-Wingers like Libby and Lynne Cheney and Phil Gramm can come up with some lame porn. Folks, stick to the flag-waving, praying,stealing and incineration of innocents. You do porn very poorly. Any random poster to alt.sex.stories can come up with better shit. Never mind the pros at Nerve.com. Bill Bennett and Ralph Reed will show you the way. Those dudes know how to fucking party.
Kelso's Nuts love you.
7 comments:
Off the point, but I had a shock yesterday when I shared an observation with Hugo Chavez, a Kelso fave who I think is, let's say, barking up the wrong tree with his economic policies.
I was trying to get through the Lincoln Tunnel to an Aerosmith concert in Jersey (see, Kelso, I may not play in poker clubs with the Italians but I'm a "regular guy" just like you), a half-hour to move one block, and thought to myself that something is fundamentally wrong with how our society works. If the market were functioning properly, there would not be traffic like this -- somewhere in there must be a kink, or a 3 card monte trick, that gets us to buy more gas and wear down our cars.
Then I read that Chavez made a similar observation in his limo in from JFK -- noting that 99% of the cars had only one passenger. He probably chalked it up to oppression of OPEC or something strange like that, but nonetheless we had a slight synchronicity.
Anyway, nothing like a good old traffic jam to bring us all together.
A couple of comments here. Kelso has no strong feeling for or against Chavez, it's just very weird when the US starts getting in the business of trying to overthrow a twice-elected president of a capitalist democracy. And they are a member of OPEC which is what this is all about most likely. Kelso doesn't really give a crap whether their oil and gas and electricty is state-owned or not, if their dole is generous or not. That Halliburton and subs get no-bid cost-plus contracts is as bad as communism from an economic standpoint. Guantanomo Bay -- under US control -- but outside of US law surely has a bit of a whiff of Poland, Czechsolvakia 1941 or Siberia 1951 so maybe the communist analogy isn't so bad.
The US Dept of Injustice has made the same argument writ small with regard to the off-shore bookmakers. That once they have taken a bet from a US citizen they lose their sovreignty. WTO sez: "no dice" W sez: "Whatever."
Kelso is not a "regular guy" -- he's an elitist and intellectual snob of the highest order who's over-educated and a perfectly useless member of society. He is, however, a first-rate practicioner of his craft and because of the nature of that craft he comes into contact with many, many of the quantity (1/David Brooks). As your work is quite similar -- moving money via random varibles -- it is to your credit and the credit of your crew that you have never made that specious argument about "bringing much-needed capital to areas craving it for development." It's all about out-smarting the other guy and piling it up.
Oh another sign of change in the air...a Jewish comic sitting to Kelso's right down in bowels fighting the good fight on the baize said at one point "God I'm so fucking OVER 9/11."
What did another brother (Bob) have to say: "the times they are a changin'"
... interesting interchange, as always, harvey & kelso ... you guys should set up another, separate, blog: kelso's & harvey's nuts. seriously.
G:
Kelso concurs. He and Harvey have 20 years of history together and of the two Kelso is the way weaker writer, so Kelso thinks you're onto something here.
Kelso would certainly welcome a change to "Harvey and Kelso's Nuts"...or if not, Kelso would surely feel comfortable deputizing Harvey to do a "Kelso's Nuts" Posting when Kelso's busy or away or anytime he feels like it.
Kelso NEVER wants to have to go the cheesy "best of..." route.
[Eugah, Jamie, Passin are also welcome to "opine" as W sez with plenty of space on this blog. BTW, Kelso mentioned to Eugah that when Mr. Kabballa's dissertation is accepted and he's ready to being trading based upon the Kabballa and the mind/body problem, Kelso has a line of folks ready to take his action off-shore with no commission and USD cash settlement at the end of the holding period...10% bond in escrow for both sides with CZ or Santander or some bank like that, tho...a good friend would advise Mr Kabballa NOT to do this]
G and Kelso, that's very kind, but I kind of enjoy the Ed McMahon role here (my vice instead of drinking being illegal downloads). Anyway if I were to do a guest posting, I'd probably write something that made steam come out of Kelso's ears like, I don't know, how my (and Kelso's, btw) profitmaking activities in the third world have done more to help the people there than all the USAID and EBRD money summed and squared. If you want, we can all go visit a refrigerator factory in Kaliningrad, a gold mine in Armenia, and a textile plant in Ukraine that WOULD NOT EXIST without our speculative capital. Alternatively, if you want to see the EBRD money at work, we can probably just hang around the lobby of the Beau Rivage Hotel or the Patek Phillipe watch shop in Geneva.
Harvey, set aside both the vintage 1987 boot of "Sonic Youth" at the Pyramid and the straw man, please. Kelso views quasi-governmental agencies with comtempt. They are as silly, bloated and corrupt as you say. And Kelso ALSO believes that he's (maybe) doing good by doing well in EE. In 1997 the World Bank offered Kelso a job in the structured products group. Kelso asked "how much does it pay?" "90,000 pounds per year," the well-meaning bureaucrat said with a wry smile, thinking that Kelso would drool at such a princely sum. Kelso's response: "that's really nice of you, but explain why again I should work in a suit and tie at a job which carries no weight whatsoever, when I can make 5 times that betting horses with the rebate at the Boardwalk Hotel -- wearning shorts, hanging out with my buddies and fliriting with cocktail waitresses?" "Umm, well, a lot of people in your position would enjoy working at the World Bank, making a difference...and blah blah blah."
To steal and modify a great Frank Zappa line: there's REAL capitalism and there's SEARS capitalism, and the USAID, EBRD, and WORLD BANK are SEARS capitalism. Moving money in emerging markets may or may not carry a positive social externality, but it beats the crap out of both communism and quasi-govs. As for betting horses with the rebate, that carries no positive social externality at all. It's just a means for over-educated, Upper Middle Class White Men to expropriate money -- silently, by the penny and nickel -- from the poor and stupid. But at least it's real capilalism.
There are very few things you could write, Harvey, that would make steam come out of Kelso's ears. You forget that Kelso is a secret Ann Coulter fan.
Post a Comment