Endorsements, Terran Version

DEMOCRATIC NOMINEE FOR PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES AND OUTRIGHT CHOICE:

SENATOR HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON (D-NY). Using the Ronald Reagan dictum that someone who's 60% my friend is not 40% my enemy, Kelso's Nuts heartily endorses Senator Clinton for Deomcratic Nominee and for President Of The United States. We do this with the full knowledge that there are reams and reams of anti-Clinton diatribes in the Kelso archives and with the full admission that we voted for Jonathan Tassini in the Democratic Primary for Senate and passed on the Clinton/Spencer general election. Damn, it is a testament to Senator Clinton's intelligence and grace that after beating Tassini by 50 points, she chose NOT to have a victory party, knowing full well how important the -- say -- Andrew Rosens of the world would be to her ambitions. We also do this knowing that there is no love lost between the Senator and the estimable party chairman, Howard Dean. We do this knowing that her views on the Middle East, capital punishment, and even health care are not our own. We favor a quick reduction in fighting forces in Iraq combined with a fair negotiation among Sunni, Shia and Kurd. We oppose the Kyl/Lieberman amendment. We oppose capital punishment. We believe in a single-payer health system. We would like to see a return of AFDC.

That said there is only one viable candidate with the experience and strength to begin to lead the United States Of America and the Democratic Party out of this terrible wilderness. We like her fierce partisanship. We like her ability to laugh off any insult and then hit back hard. We appreciate that she has been thinking deeply about economic policy as well as foreign policy. And we know that unlike Gore and Kerry, Senator Clinton will not stand idly by as her victory is stolen from her. On a number of salient issues we do favor Edwards, Dodd, Richardson and certainly Kucinich. Other than Kucinich, however, there is no progressive in the race. Sadly, the USA is not ready for Kucinich, so given a crowd of reasonable centrists, we choose the most able. The strongest. And the least "shrill."

If we read between the lines correctly in the Las Vegas debate, Kucinich, too, gave something of a tacit endorsement to Clinton when in response to a question meant to provoke an attack on her for her failure to hew to progressive orthodoxy, he compared her favorably to all of the other war cheerleaders on the dais.

Finally, if we are to be allowed just a little parochialism -- self-interest is more noble than "post-racial, post-partisan" surrender, si o no? -- one cannot state strongly enough what a significant role the Clintons have played in the Panama Miracle. If the Big Dog did not fully honor Carter-Torrijos, remove the CIA, the US Military, close the bases, and leave Panama to establish its own republic, this would still be a third-world country instead of a banking and trade power. Bill Clinton's picture hangs in many Panamanian homes the way John F. Kennedy's did in homes the world over. It's gossip and it's fun, but there's really nothing silly about Hillary Clinton and Martin Torrijos's romance as students. Their relationship and friendship to this day allows for an even deeper understanding between the two nations. Contrast that with the way Condoleeza Rice was chased out of CdP by protestors objecting to her unending hectoring and lecturing at this year's Conference of the Americas of every minister who didn't agree that Bush was Jesus's stepson. Expect the same from Obama, whose mentors are Powell and Lieberman. Obama makes right-wing Latin leaders like Uribe and Garcia look like Abbie Hoffman by comparison. I like the idea that Senator Clinton and President Torrijos shared idealistic political pillow-talk as college students.

HONORABLE MENTION: REPRESENTATIVE DENNIS KUCINICH (D-OH). In practically any other democratic republic, Clinton's main competition for the nomination would be Dennis Kucinich, and Barack Obama would be raising DLC money and using his lame "post-partisan, post-racial" jive to try to fend off Representative Jesse Jackson, Jr., in the 2010 Democratic Primary for Senate. Should Obama win the primary, perhaps he'd run the same bullshit against Patrick Fitzgerald in the general election. But America is not every other democratic republic on Earth. It is a fascist state that pretends to be a democratic republic, so Dennis Kucinich, certainly the most honorable candidate for President this year, is an afterthought. If anyone doubts this, first recall the "debates." Every single one of them ended the same way with Clinton winning on poise and preparedness and Kucinich winning on style and ideas.

As to his strengh and character, never mind the hundreds of principled votes he has cast in the House Of Representatives. Never mind that he's the one who first brought articles of impeachment against these monsters in the Bush Administration. Dennis Kucinich performed one of the most courageous political acts in recent memory. Hard as this is to believe, there was a time when Dennis Kucinich was (fuck, I hate this term) "rock star" of the Democratic Party. A product of the Slavic-American Democratic machine in Cleveland, he was the Boy-Wonder Mayor there at 28 or so. He was an absolute lock for the Senate seat Howard Metzenbaum was planning to vacate. If any of you think Obama's future is bright, please believe Kucinich's was millions of watts brighter. A little something called the Oil Crisis got in the way. In the winter of 1979, Cleveland's utility exercised its monopoly power to raise prices through the roof. Kucinich, bucking the Slavic machine which elected him, fighting for his majority Black constituency stared the power monopoly down. "Nigger-lover" was about the nicest thing Kucinich's erstwhile supporters called him. It was a bloodbath. Kucinich lost eventuallythe fight, the love of his family, friends and supporters, and the mayoral election to George Voinovich, now Senior U.S. Senator from Ohio. Kucinich spent the 1980s in the wilderness. Can anyone think of another can't-miss young politician who threw absolutely eveything away on a point of principle? And the American electorate thinks Rudy Giuliani is strong? What hath God wrought? You want strength? Dennis Kucinich is your man. It would be a sad thing if all that prevented Dennis Kucinich from exacting his revenge upon George Voinovich was the failure to say to Wolf Blitzer: "Oh, that? That was just a joke between Shirley and me...I'm running for President not Cleveland Plain-Dealer horoscope writer!"

So, a special Kelso's Nuts endorsement goes to Dennis Kucinich in all of the proportional primaries. All he needs is 5% of the vote in any of those states to be able to bring delegates to Denver and SPEAK. If anyone is interested in a great bar-bet, by the way, propose a "last-longer" Kucinich versus Obama wager and ask for big odds, 8/1 or so. If Kucinich makes 5% in any proportional state, he'll accept his votes in Denver, while Obama will be forced to cede his to Clinton and will receive no votes on the floor.

REPUBLICAN NOMINEE FOR PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES:

REPRESENTATIVE RON PAUL (R-TX). You can fault the man on his utopian (some say dystopian) vision of a libertarian state. It sure seems unworkable, and certainly would begin on a very tilted playing field. But is his libertarian vision less fair than the system which obtains now? From this progressive's point of view, a society based completely on personal freedom and economic freedom is more just, more tolerable, and quite possibly more fair than the rigged, sadistic system of today. We admire Paul's voting record on war, peace and civil liberties and believe that the Fair Tax movement requires a national discussion. Little MSM snippets about it "being funded by the Church Of Scientology" just don't cut it. We want to know exactly how much influence The Church Of Scientology has had in the promotion of the Fair Tax movement and we're betting less than meets the eye. From the way we read Fair Tax, it seems slightly more progressive than the current system is. We like the idea of the wisdom of markets. We loathe war, and while civil rights as conceived by the Johnson adminstation may be considered some kind of anachronism by the average American, everyone can agree that civil liberties as a tenet of society is ipso facto a societal good. If Dennis Kucinich can see a unity ticket with Ron Paul, that's good enough for us.

OH, OK, AMONG THE LIKELY REPUBLICAN CANDIDATES: GOVERNOR WILLARD "MITT" ROMNEY (R-MA). He's not a psychopath like Giuliani, McCain, Tancredo or Hunter. It's hard to imagine a scenario in which a President Romney blows the world in two, for example. Huckabee? He's kind of bright, but he's too much of a hustler and does the US need to be more of a theocracy? Fred Thompson on balance is the least worst but I'm buying the MSM hype here. I don't think he wants it badly enough and besides if Media Lizzy http://insidedcandredcarpets.blogspot.com/ a Thompson fanatic can be shaken off Mr. English Leather, why should I give him the time of day?

Romney's success in consulting and capital management demonstrate a real intelligence and he'd probably be the "CEO" president Bush pretended to be. His political pedigree is pretty strong and let's not forget that George Romney was one of the Republican "doves" during the Vietnam War. If Mitt Romney could play the centrist well enough to get elected Governor of Massachusetts, he's probably got a lot more real centrist in him than this vulgar figure he's presented to the "base." Flip-flopping? Sure. One man's flip-flopping is another man's maturity, flexibility and desire to win. If I could excuse some of Bill Clinton's more repulsive campaign tactics -- Ricky Ray Rector, Sister Souljah, the constant "family values" harping -- I can excuse Romney's jive. Clinton did a good job with the "yeah, yeah family values" thing to keep the press off his back for a minute or two. Maybe Romney's doing the same thing. Being a Mormon? Who gives a good god-damn? All religions suck. I'd certainly vote for Romney over the Dalai Lama and over Barack Obama.

JUNIOR U.S. SENATOR FROM NEW YORK STATE: JERROLD NADLER, though any of TOM DUANE, GIFFORD MILLER, or CHRISTINE QUINN would be fine.

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