Collection of short-lists begins presently. Voting will end the morning of the 2008 Iowa Caucus.
Lists now have my nominees and those of the "Hungry Mother," "Harvey," "Anita," and a few special ones because of a clerical error. I am, in fact, finding the clerical error scalding my nuts to such a degree, I have decided to add one additional candidate to each list.
NB: Readers of Kelso's Nut are free to interpret the words "Dude" and "Dweeb" any way they see fit. Your #1 "Dude" for example could be the person you feel most honorable or the person you consider coolest. Likewise, your #1 "Dweeb" could be the person you feel most villainous or merely the person you deem to be the biggest, well, dweeb.
DUDES
- Admiral William Fallon, U.S. Navy, CENTCOM
- Representative Barney Frank (D-MA)
- Barry Bonds, LF, SF Giants
- Jon "Stewart" Leibowitz, Newsman, Comedy Central
- Ben Bernanke, Tragic Figure as Fed Chair doing the best he can under trying circumstances
- Mayor Mike Bloomberg (U-NY)
- Brad Pitt, decent "stoner" in True Romance
- Representative Ron Paul (R-TX)
- Warren Buffett, Berkshire Hathaway
- Representative Dennis Kucinich (D-OH)
- Bob "Dylan" Zimmerman, Troubador
- Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-NY)
- Cindy Sheehan, Activist, Candidate for U.S. House Of Representatives
- Peter Griffin, Family Guy (Kelso Jr's favorite of favorites!)
- Techno-Viking
- Kelso for being el hermano judío que nunca tenía
- James Carville, with whom it all began, where it is today
- Anderson Cooper, 360 Host, CNN, the Murray Kempton of his era?
- Hugo Chavez; duly-elected President Of Venezuela
- Fairlane, blogger extraordinaire and founder of the Jonestown Super Team
- Opray Winfrey, (as a policy we don't censor on Kelso's Nuts except in extraordinary circumstances such as ultra-cool Bob Raissman's "Dudes And Dweebs" conceit being attributed to a...well, you know...WINGNUT)
- Elizabeth Edwards, Raddest American Political Spouse Of All Time -- check out 2004 New Yorker profile of her; too bad she couldn't shake Senator John off his homophobia in time
- Vladimir Putin, Counterweight
DWEEBS
- Erik Prince, CEO, Blackwater International
- Norman Podhoretz, Anti-Semite
- Senator Joe Lieberman (I-CT), Anti-Semite, have messers Podhoretz and Lieberman yet figured out a way to bomb Teheran without causing physical damage to the capital's 100,000 Persian Jews? If so, the LockheedMartin and the Rand Corporation are waiting with open ears
- Alberto Gonzales, Former U.S. Attorney General
- Eddie Lampert, Hedge-Fund Manager
- Angelo Mozillo, Countrywide
- Nobel Committee
- U.S. President George Walker Bush (R)
- U.S. Vice-President Richard Bruce Cheney (R)
- Condoleeza Rice, Secretary Of State (R)
- William Donahue, Catholic League, hijoputa
- Bill O'Reilly, The O'Reilly Factor, hijo de la chingada
- Sean Hannity, Fox Network, gueco
- General David Petraeus, "little chickenshit"--Adm. Wm. J. Fallon
- Karl Christian Rove, Former Advisor To President George W Bush
- Governor Mike Huckabee (R-AR)
- Rudolph Giuliani (R-NY), psychopath and penny-ante hustler
- Representative Peter King (R-NY), sadista y marica tal vez
- Katie Couric, CBS Valerie Plame Inquisitor
- Fred Fisher Fielding, if there are Republican shenaningans...
- Michael Medved, payaso judio/cristiano
- Jonah Goldberg, who he?
- Monica Crowley, BSG exemplar
- Melanie Morgan, who she?
- Chris Matthews, might have made Dude if he'd only sought psychotherapy
- Matt Lauer, Today Show, NBC, "come back Jill Rappaport, all is forgiven."
- Nicolas Sarkozy, Premier Minstre de Freedom Fries (Note to Obama: Look how Royal lost an unloseable election!)
NB: Commenter "Harvey" cites Nobel Committee as "dweebs" because of choices of Al Gore and Doris Lessing for 2007 Prizes. Kelso concurs with "Harvey's" opinion on former because, technically speaking, despite his many good deeds Al Gore, Jr., did not specifically further the cause of peace during the calendar year 2007. Personally, I liked Fallon and Uribe in that order for the 2007 Peace Prize. Doris Lessing? It's art, baby. A question of taste. I find myself enjoying this joke more and more, but: "Attention Michael Medved: You no play-a the game, you no make-a the rules." Apologoies, to other contributors, but DistributorCapNY's nominees were so good, I had to bend the rules again a little. The actual run-off voting, however, will be by comment, and, thusly, Kelso-tinkerproof!
Keep the hits coming. I think we'll have a deeper, wider and more comprehensive list than Olbermann ("Dude" posssiblity, of course) will.
Kelso's Nuts love you
17 comments:
Dudes:
Brad Pitt, NOLA
Ron Paul, U.S. Rep
Warren Buffet, charity
Dweebs:
Bush, too easy
Cheney, too too easy
Rice, too too too easy
Dudes
Ben Bernanke
Jon Stewart
Mike Bloomberg (Harvard MBA, by the way)
Dweebs
Eddie Lampert
Angelo Mozillo (Countrywide)
Nobel Committee (for Gore and Lessing)
Excellent choices, guys.
Dudes:
Ron Paul (for bringing much-needed attention to the currency crisis here in the U.S., which people like a) major political candidates for President and b) the Federal Reserve, are not discussing)
Dennis Kucinich (for sticking it out once again)
Bob Dylan - for his GREAT BBC/XM radio show, "Theme Time Radio Hour"
Dweebs:
Hillary Clinton (for letting Bill run without his leash)
Bill Clinton (for undermining his wife's campaign)
All the people who follow people like Britney & Lohan & Co., GET A LIFE.
AND ... props to Donsky from whom the concept of "Dudes & Dweebs" originates.
Originated with Bob Raissman in the NEW YORK DAILY NEWS in 1983.
The Panel, therefore, does not recognize the most recent entries.
The Winston Churchill 13th Chime rule was cited by the panel (the 13th chime calling into question all that came before and all yet to come) on the issue of the originator of "Dude/Dweeb Of The Week". In honor of the plaigiarist, however, and with recognition of the quality of some of Anit's submissions the following nominees are added:
DUDES
*Dennis Kucinich
*Bob Dylan
*Hillary Rodham Clinton
DWEEBS
*William Donahue
*Bill O'Reilly
*Sean Hannity
dudes:
Ron Paul
Peter Griffin
Techno-Viking
dweebs:
Mike Huckabee
Dick Cheney
Karl Rove
Kelso, can I play?
Dudes
Kelso for being el hermano judío que nunca tenía
Brad Pitt
Dennis Kucinich
Dweebs
Peter King
Joe Leiberman
Rudy Giuiliani
Claro que si, mi brother.
Dudes
James Carville
Anderson Cooper
Hugo Chavez
Dweebs
Katie Couric
Fred Fisher Fielding
Michael Medved
dudes
bob dylan
brad pitt
oprah winfrey (cant help it, i like her)
dennis kucinich
elizabeth edwards
vladimir putin (just for sticking it to bush)
dweebs
jonah goldberg
monica crowley
melanie morgan
chris matthews
matt lauer
nicolas sarkozy
Damn, I was really hoping to make your list of "Dudes."
I vow to work harder in this upcoming year to piss off even more assholes, and to be completely contrary regardless of the situation and/or company.
FAIRLANE: you made the list, man. You thought you wouldn't?
EVERYBODY: If no one selects either Paul Craig Roberts or Bruce Fein for DUDE by midnite tomorrow, I will choose them as Proprietor's Pix.
Shit, I left my reading glasses in the other room.
Is it sad that I need reading glasses?
No, I use glasses or contact lenses for normal shit and take them off or out for reading books or periodicals.
As you yourself once sagely noted, the guy at the Michael Franti show who's wearing the polo shirt and khakis is the REAL fan.
OK, everybody, 45 more minutes and the final ballots will be posted. Vote will commence once ballots are up and will end with the announcement of both winners of the Iowa Caucus. Please rank order your selections.
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