COLLEGE FOOTBALL AND ABRAMOFF/DELAY/REED/ROVE PART I

Kelso -- ever solipsistic -- hopes one element of who he is has gotten thru: a normal 44 year-old American man who loves his country and is basically bog-standard. So, naturally, Kelso is a college football guy. As a treat to all his loyal Floppers, here are his plays for the weekend. His favorite team (his grad school alma mater) seems to have abandoned any pretense at being a football power anymore, so that leaves him sad and only betting to keep Kelso Jr in toy dinosaurs and baseball stuff.

*AKRON +34-1/2 over PURDON'T
*HAWAII +32 over MICHIGAN
*ARKANSAS -10 over VANDERBILT
*SMU + 14-1/2 over TCU
*LOUSIANA TECH +29 1-2 over FLORIDA
*TROY STATE + 9-1/2 over ALABAMA-BIRMINGHAM

If you want to fuck up your life gambling, that's not Kelso's problem. Proceed with caution Kelso has not bet much on these games by his normal standard (v. high).

And now on to politics...Malloy had the best line about that dried-up cunt Barbara Bush. To quote: "How could one uterus spew out such an unending line of vicious criminal filth?" Kelso reckons that Malloy was being unfair. He's never heard a single bad thing about Doro. Malloy's point is pretty well taken and the answer is obvious if you listen to the crazed-up crone. Go back to some of her gems: "my beautiful mind...," "those people were underprivileged, anyway...." Kelso accepts that 41 is something of a monster, but he did some good for the US, controlling the deficit and resisting the impulse to heat the economy up for re-election, for one. He is a hard, hard greedy and vicious man, but he was a president worthy of the title and a hard-luck loser to Clinton. No wonder he avoided that hideous cunt like the plague and put the Parks' Sausage to Jennifer Fitzgerald. Good choice, George. Kelso's question is how did you ever get it up the minimum 6 times with that cunt to sire those five wastes of protoplasm? Kelso'll fuck anything that moves and he wouldn't fuck Barbara on a huge bet.

Kelso actually voted for Clinton in 1992! Can you believe it? Kelso can't. On balance, Clinton wasn't a bad president and the Monica Lewinsky thing was kind of cool and sad and human, and had Judge Webber allowed Clinton's attorney over plaintiff's objection to enumerate and describe the acts of sex Bubba and Paula Jones engaged in, the impeachment never would have happened. George, Sr., probably wouldn't have done a whole lot worse as president and he CERTAINLY would't have thrown 20,000,000 poor children off of welfare in the middle of an economic boom. By Kelso's lights, this sure makes Toni Morrison look the fool. How can a man who tosses 20,000,000 children off of welfare be "the first Black President"? Kelso's heard some stoonad shit in his time, but that took the cake.

Short pass-note. Kelso agrees with Malloy that New Orleans is nothing more than ethnic cleansing. Kelso thinks he going over the Hasids tomorrow and having a T-shirt made up that says "I PLAY THE BLAME GAME". And, of course, Floppers, if you like Kelso, listen to Mike Malloy archived at whiterosesociety.org. Malloy's much more eloquent.

Kelso has been promising a Jack Abramoff/Ralph Reed/Tom DeLay posting and it will come very soon, especially with the indictment of DeLay's PAC or 527 or whatever. Here's a little tease. Kelso is what is known in the trade as an "earner" meaning he has made money for lots of folks and is occasionally privy to some gossip. This is what he's hearing: Ralph Reed is the star they want to protect. Abramoff is expected to go canary. DeLay's in some do-doo as is Rove. As long as they can protect Reed, the Republican Party is happy. Abramoff was always an easy toss. The shine is off the rose on DeLay -- he's going to have to gut it out on his own, and make no mistake about it Tom DeLay is non-pareil at this. When the heat was first on him, he shoved Terry Schiavo up the nation's ass and deflected all the trouble for the time being. Rove is very strong, but the gay rumors and the Gannon/Guckert stuff make him tossable. That leaves Reed, who Kelso acknowledges, is one smart cookie. The gossip is that he loves the white powder and the girls, but, cleverly, Reed bagged his official role at the Christian Coalition to become "just another" offical power-broker. This is no "just another" power broker. This dude is the stone-cold nuts. Kelso would LOVE to have Ralph Reed as a a bro. All of those drugs, all those girls and all that power. Ralph, dude, if you can tolerate a left-libertarian, Kelso desperately wants to be your friend. Believe Ol' Kelso, we could do some fucking DAMAGE together! Kelso may be an NYC Jew, but he could show you shit in Atlanta you wouldn't ever forget. Want Kelso's bona fides in that area? How about someone whose nickname is something found in lakes and estuaries? Know what I mean, as the English say? Offer's GTC, yo, Good 'Til Cancelled.

Whoa, Kelso. Easy, buddy. You HATE these guys, remember? No, no, no. Kelso doesn't hate these guys. He DISAGREES with them. He admires their intelligence and toughness. It's soft collaborators like Hillary Clinton, Thomas Friedman, Harry Reid, Joe Biden, John McCain, Joe Lieberman, Dianne Feinstein, Ed Koch, and many more in politics and the mainstream press whom Kelso HATES. Kelso invites all Floppers to add to the "soft-collaborators" list.

Kelso's Nuts love you.