A FEW WORDS FOR THOMAS FRIEDMAN AND A BIT OF EXTRA BIZ

Just finished a late dinner of Chinese food and read the column "Osama And Katrina".

Too little, too late, motherfucker.

How the fuck do you look at yourself and trim that moustache in the morning, as you cheered on hundreds of thousands to their deaths and maimings? That's the kind of chutzpah that Kelso can only dream of having. So, now you're disappointed with your boys in Washington? Boo-fucking-hoo, asshole.

Here's how it's going down. The next time Kelso has some reason to go to Laurel Races, he's hoping he finds you in traffic. He's going to drag you out of your car by your moustache and beat the ever-loving tar out of you. How can he do this being only 5' 6" and 165 lbs, while you're probably a big guy? Kelso has HATE in his heart and you believe in compromise and American Exceptionalism. That's how. You will press assault charges, no doubt, and if Kelso goes to jail, he'll probably get raped once or twice. If he doesn't get AIDS, he'll survive. Then he'll do the rest of his time playing cards, snorting tits, booking bets, teaching English and Math and waiting to get his right to vote back. His book will outsell yours by 100,000 copies.

Nah. Fuck that shit. Kelso doesn't need to lay a finger on you. When the civil war that you will have been on the wrong side of comes, some enterprising African-American with a computer is going to find that column you wrote in the aftermath of 9/11 in which you said something to the effect that Black America had better get with the program or that sort of thing. And they'll come and gitcha. And now that you've written "Osama And Katrina" you don't have any friends in the White House anymore. Remember Joe Wilson? Karl Rove takes the Tissue's Op-Ed page velly, velly seriously and he is way tougher than Kelso. And probably tougher than a random young black guy with a gun.

You know what would have been better? Instead of making up fictional East Indian businessmen, you should have just gone to the museum or the zoo or Disneyworld or the airport and TAKEN A LOOK AT A FUCKING BLACK PERSON OTHER THAN CONDOLEEZA RICE. You wouldn't have seen shiftless tax parasites; you would have seen your fellow Americans who are just like you, fuck-head.

Walrus, you know why you inspire such venom in Kelso? It's because you have a big megaphone on that page and you've used it for evil instead of good -- on everything: the middle-east, race, business, finance and trade and most of all, "tirrirism". What is it with you people at that paper? The Daily News, Newsday and possibly The New York Sun are more balanced. "Paper of record" my granny's left nipple.

You know what's really ironic? Kelso stands firmly to your right on guns and taxes and is heavily into Weld for Governor of New York State. You've got to be a Spitzer guy. Kelso will bet that for all he can push in. Time to hit the fucking sack. Kelso, Jr's first day of Kindergarten is tomorrow and Kelso wants to be good to go at 7 AM.

You suck. Israel sucks. George Bush sucks. Globalism is the biggest horseshit canard that you fucks have dreamed up yet. Well, maybe not. It's cool to see a lot of foreign players in the NHL, NBA and MLB. $1 mm+ for that
World Is Flat shit? You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Give the fucking money to the Red Cross or the Salvation Army, you chazzer. Enjoy shul with William Safire. Let the rabbi tell you how wonderful you are AFTER your drop a nickel or dime into the collection plate. Kelso will see you in hell.

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On another note, do you Floppers of the Nuts think Kelso is in fact Nuts about all of this business of killing the slaves? Kelso urges you to listen to Tuesday and Wednesday's Mike Malloy Show archived at whiterosesociety.org.

Another thing is scalding Kelso's Nuts. He's getting awful sick and tired of tourists wearing NYPD and FDNY gear. Kelso has no gripe with either organization particularly, but as a Native New Yorker, and resident of lower Manhattan, Kelso doesn't appreciate you tourists' canned sentiments about 9/11 and is hating it even more because of THE BATTLE OF NEW ORLEANS, THE BUSH CRIME FAMILY USING 9/11 TO JUSTIFY HORROR AFTER HORROR, and THE COMING CIVIL WAR. Just stop wearing that shit. Kelso is not the only NY-er who feels this way. Think of it this way: every time you buy 9/11 souvenir gear and wear it in lower Manhattan it's the same as wearing an "I Survived Katrina" T-shirt down South. Just stop it already.

Kelso was surprised by David Brooks's relative sensitivity in his column today in the Tissue. Didn't use the words "blame game". Didn't lecture black people (too much). And didn't accuse Democrats of using Katrina for partisan poltical gain. Kelso had Brooks clocked for a Zionist Fascist, but Kelso's been wrong before. Of course, Brooks is certainly an associate of the Bush Crime Family, a strong supporter of the war in Iraq and is likely to die in the civil war, but this column wasn't bad. He even advocated integration (gasp!) not necessarily whites with blacks, but -- reading beteween the lines -- class integration of blacks themselves. And some urban renewal. That's mighty white of you, Dave. Not horrible. Maybe if Brooks gets to fuck, say, Sharon Stone, he'll have a Damascene conversion similar to Maureen Dowd's. He may not a hopeless case. Oh, shit, wait a second. Kelso remembers some column Brooks wrote about sex. He DON'T fuck and don't believe anyone else should. The gist of it was something like any woman who has more than 6 partners a year is some kind of slut who's going to hell. Too bad, son. You're missing out. It's pretty good even when it's no good. Kelso likey to fuck.

[Here's a link about it written by another cunt, Michael Wolff.
http://newyorkmetro.com/nymetro/news/media/columns/medialife/n_9749/]

Gee whiz, Kelso hopes the Democrats DO use this for partisan political gain and more aggressively so than the Republicans used 9/11. If they don't, they ought to consider dissolving the party and letting Howard Dean and Russ Feingold start the New Progressive Party or something.

Kelso's Nuts love you Floppers and hate Friedman and all the rest of the cowards.