A CONTINUATION OF OLD BUSINESS...SORRY

[CENSORED: There's scary folk like the Bush Crime Family and then there's REALLY scary folk]

In all this discussion of jack-leg preachers, Kelso went completely stoonad, and forgot to mention the biggest fool in his own back yard: Reverend Calvin Butts. Jesus, what a great name! Charles Dickens himself could not have come up with a better one. Want to know where Butts stands? Lick a finger, and stick it in the air. First he liked Dinkins; then he liked Giuliani; then he didn't like Giuliani; then he liked him again. In 2001, The estimatable -- er -- reverend Dr. Butts backed Green over Ferrer and then was gone like a wild goose in winter when Green became Ed Koch in the run-off playing the race card against Freddy and offering should he win over Bloomberg to surrender his "honeymoon" days to an illegal extension of Giuliani's term. So, there you have it Floppers. One anecdote to finish. When Kelso was a senior in high school he had a discussion friend who's Dad was a big-time corporate muck-a-muck and very tied into the Democratic Party, so tied-in in fact, that Kelso KNEW ABOUT ENTEBBE three days before it happened! Kelso went to a faincy school, you see. At any rate, Idiot Kelso said to this guy something to the effect of "I kind of like this Jesse Jackson." What can Kelso say, he was 17? His friend said, "listen Kelso, DON'T TRUST ANYONE WHO MIXES RELIGION WITH POLITICS." Good advice, man, and Kelso's thrilled with the successes you've enjoyed lo these 27 years and the way you are wringing every drop of fun out of life.

Postscript to all of this. Butts has been strangely absent on all of these recent poltical shenanigans. Probably because the weather's been humid and the wind has been still, and way, way too much money to crowbar out of the congregation.

Kelso really doesn't have much to add to the discussion of the nomination of John Roberts to be the 17th Chief Justice Of The Supreme Court Of The United States. It seems that the Democrats are asking mostly the right questions, the issue on Roe v Wade not necessarily about a woman's right to have an abortion if she chooses to so (which is stone-cold important), but also as to a general right to privacy in those words. And on other issues such as Roberts time working under the evil William Bradford "Brad" Reynolds in the Reagan Administration. Bad, bad ugly shit came out of that office, much of it written by Roberts. The Republican have been steadfast behind Bush's nominee. No surprise, there. Roberts has been the good cipher he's under instructions to be, but when Republican senators start referring to Justice Anthony Kennedy as some kind of leftist, it can get scary. Let's put some bookmaking science to this: Kelso's going to drop his total down to 91 Flat, lay -110 either way. A push if it falls on the number. Furthermore, Kelso believes that Roberts is under strong pressure from the Cheney Administration NOT to vote to overturn Roe. Kelso's number on that is 5-1/2 votes in support FLAT, lay -110 either way. Finally, as much as Kelso loves baseball, he is getting velly, velly tired of this baseball umpire metaphor. It's really boring. Republicans, just go back to calling him "non-judicial activist" or whatever.

And speaking of baseball, is this not the best fucking pennant race anyone can remember? Sawx, holding a 2-1/2 game lead in the AL East, lose Kapler for good and Damon temporarily, already having traded Payton for Bradford which at the time was the right move. Wish they had Cruz, Jr., back, though. Kelso's pro-tem solution: Nixot to CF, Millar to RF, Petagine to 1B. Hyzdu and Stern as OF reserves. As for the pitching, we live and die with the right arm of The Great Patriot. Again, CS, shut the fuck up about things that don't concern you, and concetrate on throwing the fastball for strikes. Rudy's Girls don't look like anything amazin'. They've gotten a little too lucky with Aaron Small on the mound, but losing Mussina has to sting. Make no mistake about it, with Lawton out there in CF instead of Williams, a resurgent Giambi, relegation of Tino and Womack to sub-roles have all helped. It's that marvelous rotation of The Big Unit, Chacon, Small, Wang (geddit?) and Leiter that ain't workin'. The Girls will still be tough down the stretch.

Cleveland seems to have it all going their way right now and could well catch the White Sox who are gasping for breath. The Indians have power, decent patience, depth all-around a starting rotation that's healthy and good-enough, and a scary bullpen. Much of the same can be said of those White Sox, though.

AL West is amazing, no? Anaheim has a pretty good lineup, albeit one very dependent on Vladdi and other regulars and starting pitching that could fail at any moment if Colon remains ouchy, but me-oh-my what a bullpen! But velly, velly poor plate discipline combined with velly, velly poor tactical smarts. Beane's using every club he has in the bag, but Harden HAS to get healthy for them to win the division outright. Wild Card Race is a cavalry charge.

In the National League, the division winners look set with the only interest in the wild card. How Houston's going to deal without having Ensberg is a question. Having a partial-Bagwell back helps as does having Rocket, Oswalt and Pettitte and...don't even go there, Kelso. Phillies, Marlins and even the Nationals and Mets all in it but have issues. None of this is a secret. Go to usatoday.com for the major league stuff and baseballamerica.com or cnnsi.com for the minor league stuff.

And now Kelso's really feeling Nuts. He forgot another jack-leg preacher he hates. The Reverend Floyd Flake of Queens. Kelso's remembers that Flake was once in Congress. That he once was indicted for tax evasion (with Michael Chertoff the lead US Attorney, Kelso thinks) and the lead prosecution witness, Flake's then girlfriend, dying in an automobile accident some weeks before the trial to begin. Kelso won't get into the elements of tax law here but to say that there are three levels of violation: negligence, gross negligence and fraud. The former two are relatively small matters (except if you have to pay a lot!) but the third is the devil himself. There is no statute of limitations. Put this in perspective; in cases of rape and strong-armed robbery, the statue of limitations DO apply. On the other side of the coin, the prosecution must prove intent to defraud. It's a thin case if the IRS tries to derive fraud from the number. So, how "lucky" did Reverend Floyd Flake get?

Now what was the aftermath? Flake seems to have abandoned the Democratic party, all things black and has thrown-in with the Christian Right and the other lawn-jockeys. Read for yourself. The son-of-a-bitch even has Wayne Barrett of the Village Voice fooled, but then again, fuck Barrett sideways, he was an early Giuliani man.

http://www.pbs.org/wnet/religionandethics/week804/profile.html

Oh boo-hoo-hoo, Kewso's being mean to all of these wonderful rewigious Afwican-Amewicans who onwy want to wift theiw communities wif no intewest in pwivate gain at awl. Tears are streaming down Kelso's cheeks right now.

Wow, listen to the names here: Calvin Butts, Floyd Flake, T.J. Jakes...Jesus, Kelso thinks Charles Dickens and/or William Faulkner may still be alive and making this shit up.

Kelso's Nuts love you.