SHORT WEDNESDAY

Going to be a collection of oddments because nothing is particularly scalding Kelso's Nuts today. Just the usual and we did objective, financial stuff yesterday. Other, of course, than the fact that his beloved Sawx have failed to open up any distance on Rudy Giuliani's Girls. People want to know why the gambling cognoscenti call the Yankees that. Well, aside from Mr. Stuffed-Like-A-Sausage-Into-A-Yankee-Jacket-Lisping-Cunt-AmericasMayor-NumberOne Yankee Fan being the public face of the the Yankeees, the Yankees are crybabies. Paul O'Neill was the worst at this but Derek Jeter, Bernie Williams and (oh this kills Kelso because he loves him so much) A-Rod NEVER FAIL to look back at the umpire any time a strike is called on them. And what's the bullshit with the NO facial hair and earrings rule. The only other owner that employed that rule was Marge Schott. Well, it's a Nazi-German thing is Kelso's opinon and Steinbrenner probably has a Hitler memorabilia collection to match Marge's. Hello, this is 2005 not 1955. Or 1935. Randy Johnson's Hitler moustache is perfect, no? They seem to make an exception for that.

Greatest fucking over-rated team in history, though. Kelso will say that. 116 wins? Ha ha ha ha ha. Velly, velly lucky to get 90 this season. Kelso has much love for all the Black and Latin New Yorkers who root for the Yankees. You know what the fuck you are. Deserving of all the pain and heartbreak in your real lives. Kelso's no PC bitch; he said that. Fuck you. Come over to the light side and get ready for a great season with the New York Mets in 2006. They need to invent one starter who's good for 200 innings and they're good to go. NYY franchise has been cracked.

Tom DeLay is indicted. On the one hand, this is pretty fucking fun watching it crumble, but Kelso made a bad price on this back in April. Said DeLay was -$6.00/+$4.50 to hold his leadership post. Oh, that's gambling talk, by the way. Come and get me Rudy, you lisping cunt motherfucker, no prostate toy fascist can't get it up pig. Kelso knows a guy who's fucking Judi Nathan on the regular because you can't get the job done, America's Mayor. He's a Democrat. Ha ha. Just joking. Judi's thrilled with the money and not missing the cock at all. Yet to meet a gold-digging cunt who preferred cock to lucre yet, boy. You're safe. Worse comes to worse and Kelso's fantasy comes true and you can have Bernard Kerik just kill the bitch. Or Michael Chertoff can send a couple of Navy Seals. Judi, here's the Kelso opinion: stick to the shopping and forget the fucking. Life's too short. BTW, Rudy's never going to be President or Senator or Governor or nothing. Just another pig sucking at the Homeland Security teat, enjoying HIS bucks and getting ready to spend eternity in the Catholic Hell of his own fantasies. Bye-bye.

Must understand here, to most New Yorkers (and make no mistake about it New York is a s racist a city as Johannesburg ever was) David Dinkins is a dirty word. Fuck that shit. He was a random machine Democrat whose term fell in the middle of a horrible economy (see GHWB for details on how that goes). To Kelso, Rudy Giuliani is a dirty word. His opinion and he knows he's in a minority of a handful. Giuliani didn't "save" New York; he gave license to the worst of it and Kelso's glad he's wherever the lisping cunts of the world are. If Giuliani "saved" New York then Clinton definitely "saved" America. Full stop. But neither is true.

Kelso has no particular love for Michael Bloomberg, but the mere fact of his not being Rudy Giuliani makes him worth a vote. That is if blockhead cugines like Vito Fossella weren't doing his dirty work. So, for Kelso it's Freddy with a hell of a lot of reservation. Freddy sucks, and Bloomberg wss far from the worst, but...well, we'll see.

Kelso notes that the Freedom Museum has finally been cancelled at the Freedom Towers of Freedom Site of Freedom. Whom are "we" exactly declaring our freedom from? Not Saudi Arabia to be sure; we're their slaves as much as those women in burkhas are. And apparently happy to be so. Fuck 7/11 sideways. The Gulf Death Toll will be higher. The cigarette death toll will be higher by 25x. Pardon Kelso as he cries a river.

Ah, Scopes II is upon us. Dover, PA, school system is going to introduce "Intelligent Design" as the preferred alternative to evolution. Outstanding. Jeez, Kelso hopes they win that case. He's gone. Enjoying life. And you putzes continue on. Every district that goes for this is another few dollars in Kelso's pocket and another step along the path to the sacking of the American Empire. Don't know who exactly is going to play the role of Alaric The Goth, but he or she will come from Western Europe, China or Russia or some combination thereof to be sure.

Two last points before good night: (1) God didn't create Man; Man created God (2) Fuck Israel -- doesn't it kind of feel like Israel and Saudi Arabia are really allies and really perfect allies, too?

Brownie (in all and every sense of the word), you're doing a hell of a job.

Kelso's Nuts love you.