SOME CLEAN-UP HITTING

Kelso's human, so he offers an apology to both Mrs. Kelso and losing Public Advocate candidate, Andrew Rasiej, for taking off upon them in yesterday's posting. Kelso was feeling terrible because of a combination of (a) lack of sleep and (b) a misunderstanding with the man whom Kelso considers to be the older brother he never had. Not Andrew Rasiej. Kelso's maybe met that fuck once or twice. Kelso feeling very guilty about misunderstanding with his real friend. So, Kelso, being human put his own embarrassment onto Mrs. Kelso and an ex-lover of hers who happened to be in the news. That doesn't make Mrs. Kelso a "household saint" by any means, and it doesn't mean that Andrew Rasiej didn't have a crappy, insensitive, rich white guy platform. And it doesn't mean that Kelso isn't possessive as hell. Kelso shouldn't be using this space for private business and Kelso ought to be able to separate his feelings about his private shit from his public shit.

NY Democratic primary bits of business. Kelso forgot to say that he backed the winning side in Morganthau versus Snyder. Good to see the grand old DA held off the hideous Dragon Lady despite an endorsement for her ghoulishness by the Tissue Of Lies. As Kelso's attorney said, "I mostly lose to Morganthau, but at least his team is reasonable...she's out there...maybe I should make a big bet on her so at least if Morganthau loses, I'll have something to show for it." That the big issue in the race was not crime, but rather the television show "Law And Order," speaks volumes in support of both Karl Marx and Pat Buchanan. Weiner did the right thing in conceding to Freddy for the right to get whupped by Bloomberg. Kelso doesn't particularly care for the mayor, but like the man who kept hitting his head with a hammer because it was such a relief when he stopped, Bloomberg's tenure has been a welcome relief from Rudy's and all sorts of good things have happened here, mushrooming of private poker clubs not the least of it. Kelso's backing Freddy just because. Stringer is now the Manhattan Borough President which is a fine thing despite Kelso's pick of Ellner, while Markewich's loss weighs heavy on Kelso's heart. She's tough as a bar of iron, though. Expect a civil court judgeship win for her sometime soon. No idea how Kristin whatever will do as surrogate, but as the endorsements fell Tissue for Kristin and Amsterdam News for Markewich, NY-ers probably made a bad choice. Gotbaum gets returned as public advocate (yawn). Expect nothing and you won't be disappointed. Siegel would have been better, but Rasiej would have advocated against the people. So, there's some silver lining. Sad Miller didn't do better; glad Fields did so badly and extra-glad Moskowitz did so badly. To quote Matt Taibbi, "the woman with two memberships to the Ann Taylor hosiery club" would have been an absolute cancer as Manhattan Borough President, a perfect representative of the New chazzer-dominated Upper East Side, with about zero compassion for anyone worth less than $10 million US complete. Scott Stringer, all Kelso can say is "congratulations, and 'go on, my son.'"

If it's good enough for John Roberts, it's good enough for Kelso. Let's combine baseball and politics. Here's the question for the sports lovers out there. Did Carlos Beltran bunt with 0 out and 2 on from the third position in an early inning by his own accord as manager Willie Randolph told the press? Or was it on self-same Randolph's instruction? Beltran's done it before, most notably in May in the same situation 3-0 down to the Nationals in the bottom of the first with Reyes and Matsui on. Kelso's backing Beltran here, because despite the Mets' power-packed line-up, manager Wille Randolph stressed from the beginning of spring training that he would emphasize the fundamentals which are in his mind: bunting, hitting behind the runner, and base-stealing...all this with a power-packed lineup loaded with patient hitters. Power and patience as a baseball strategy is a very controversial subject in these, post-Moneyball, post-Red Sox World Series days. Old-time white baseball men and writers don't like that approach, and it seems to Kelso that a black manager like Randolph MUST either win or FAIL CONVENTIONALLY to retain his job. More's the pity for the Mets and for American society.

Parochial New York City stuff stops for the time being with this posting as Kelso re-expands his limited horizons. Maybe with some John Roberts stuff tomorrow. And sex, of course, is always popular.

Appy-polly-logies for such a serious posting. Tomorrow's will have lots more fun and vitriol and hate all chased with a heaping helping of caustic soda. Kelso is loading up. And if he fails to fill his gall bladder, the Tissue Of Lies will do it for him.

No. No. No. No. One thousands times no. This post will not end like that. Kelso just read today's front right story in the Tissue Of Lies: "President Says He's Responsible In Storm Lapses" by Elisabeth Bumiller. Now, the body of the story, of course, says nothing of the kind. Just more Bush evasions of any and all responsibility. What it does have however will be of more than passing interest to the Floppper's of Kelso's Nuts: yes, you guessed it, the Reverend T.J. Jakes. Now, how is it that Kelso has never heard of this son of a bitch and he's shown up twice in three days in the Tissue Of Lies A Section under Elisabeth Bumiller's byline? Kelso knows who is the fourth-line center for the Atlanta Thrashers and how many runs Michael Cuddyer produces per plate appearance, but he doesn't know who the fuck T.J. Jakes is. Finally, the penny dropped. Elisabeth Bumiller, being not the most attractive member of the Washington press corps and an ardent Republican and Bush supporter found some Jungle Boogie here. She's getting Jakeses blood sausage on the regular and Jakes is waxing that fat ass like Raindance. Now, THAT'S impressive, Lizzy. A seduction surely worthy of Ingrid Bergman. Why Kelso reckons there's not another fat-assed white woman between Boston and Charleston that T.J. Jakes would even take a look at! Impressive work, you hideous whore, with no disrespect intended toward ANY sex worker in America. Kelso understands.

Kelso's Nuts love you his readers. And is laughing his ass off at the image of T.J. Jakes yanking down those XXL Sears panties and doing the business on Elisabeth Bumiller.