WHAT A LURVELY DAY!

Aside from Kelso's absolutely wretched card play -- if he's told himself once, he's told himself 1000x that YOU CANNOT TRY TO SNOWBALL 5-5 NL HE IN NYC CLUBS WITH MIDDLING HANDS! -- it's all good. That shit works out of town, but not in New York. If Kelso tries that again, you all are instructed to chop his hands off! Kelso will never do that stoonad bullshit again. He promises.

So, let's do a short futures analysis, some NCAA football and a little politics and have a little dance, shall we?

Crude Oil is nothing like what Kelso expected. Ditto Heating Oil and Gasoline. Impounded interest rates are flat, not negative, with maybe -1% June06 to Dec06 and -2.7% from Dec06 to Dec07. Gold has a small positive carry but no pair-offs with energy looking like free money. Natural Gas is a little sexy in the Mar06 to Apr06 contracts $12.60 versus $10.80 -- -14.29%! That's straight, not annualized! Don't do the math, you'll get too stiff or wet, depending or your gender. Don't see weather as an issue there, so perhaps a pair with a flat or positive carry Mar06 to Apr06 with another energy future ain't so bad. Correlation of Natural Gas with Crude, Heating Oil or Gasoline is not perfect, but ought to be strong enough for protection.

NCAA FOOTBALL

* DUKE +6 OVER NAVY
* WYOMING -17 OVER UNLV
* ARIZONA STATE +16 OVER THE MIGHTY RUBBERS OF WATTS
* TULSA -3 OVER HOUSTON
* KANSAS + 17 1-2 OVER TEXAS TECH
* LOUISIANA TECH -10 OF NEW MEXICO STATE
* FLORIDA ATLANTIC + 37 1-2 OVER LOUISVILLE
* LA-LAFAYETTE +3 1-2 OVER CENTRAL FLORIDA
* UCLA -21 OVER WASHINGTON

Wow, Kelso's in two conference games. Stop the world.

Here are some interesting news briefs from The Wall Street Journal:

(1) "The US backed Israeli attacks on Gaza arms sites that continued despite a Hamas leader's pledge to refrain from lobbing rockets into Israel." What did Kelso say the other day about Israel? Great country, horrible fans? Make that horrible country, hideous fans.

(2) "Rice is to visit Haiti today to show U.S. support for Nov. 20 elections intended to restore a government after the early 2004 ouster of Aristide." What does this mean exactly? As Rice was front-and-center for that little coup, Kelso doesn't reckon she's going to affirm Aristide or his party, but he could be wrong. Maybe she's cottoned on to the 1992 Paris lyric "House Niggaz Die, Too." Or perhaps we're finally seeing the "compassionate conservatism" Bush promised. Doubt it. See (1). It sez here the shoe-lady is there to affirm an (um) authoritarian government. As opposed to the totalitarian government of Aristide, of course. Is Jeanne Kirkpatrick still alive? She was the one who came up with that little model. Expect it to be employed often with regard to Venezuela, which is still capitalist and still a democracy when last Kelso checked which was fucking a minute ago.

(3) "SEC chief Cox recused himself from an inquiry on Senate leader Frist's HCA stock sales due to political ties and a campaign donation." Kelso is actually dumbfounded. Who've thought that what's bringing these fuckers down is not the wars or the economy but good old Corruption and THE WEATHER. The Weather! Amazing.

Also amazing is that The Wall Street Journal actually prints the news. It's sort of the anti-Tissue. News is neutral/left, editorials hard right. Tissue news is neutral/right, editorials soft left. WSJ makes up for it by allowing NO left-wing opinion on op-ed, not that MoDo, Krugman, Herbert and Rich are particulary left-wing.

Kelso's Nuts love you.