CLOSE YOU EYES, SON, THIS WON'T HURT A BIT...

Please, W, meet with Cindy Sheehan and explain what Casey died for without any bullshit or platitudes about "the evil dictator Saddam Hussein" or "bringing democracy to Iraq." Give it to the woman straight up with no chaser: the USA wanted the oil, it seemed like the right political move at the time given 9/11, your own Oedipal problems, the hideous NeoCon view that somehow this would redound to the benefit of Israel, and mostly, this is what superpowers do, have done and will always do as long as man draws breath.

You could add that Saudi Arabia took a crack at the US on 9/11 and you blinked, so you needed to claw back some dignity or whatever. Tell her to go back to her European history and the analogies are all over the place. 25 men rule the world. Twas ever thus. But to say that the best way to honor Casey's death is to "complete the mission," is straight-up rank. The Mission was Accomplished, anyway, no?

That would be very cathartic and probably pull up the poll numbers. A shot at Iran or Venezuela or a ginned-up attack on the US won't do it. Otherwise, someone is going to get hurt down there in Crawford and you may have civil war on your hands. And I'm sorry to say that in this re-run, you get to play the part of Jefferson Davis. There's no Lincoln yet because the Democratic Party is the cowardly party, but there sure are a number of Grants, Shermans, McLellans, etc., out there. You know who they are -- the "Turd Blossom" and Rummy and Rice have trashed them all, the latest being Army General Byrnes.

Give yourself credit, Mr. W, you've turned the dovish Kelso into a great supporter of the military. The Republican party -- Hannity to the wimpy Democrats Colmes -- however is still shit on rye toast. That said, Kelso prefers Weld to Spitzer for Governor of New York, even if Weld is using some mail order subsidiary of Turd Blossom International.

That's Kelso's sermon for the day. He's cranky because he took a hard beating up the club -- basically cold-decked and unlucky, but it was his own damned fault.

Time to move on to a less bellicose subject. Will someone please straighten out the Heavyweight Division for Kelso. Byrd can fight, but not hit. The Klitchkos can hit but can't fight. David Tua? Whaaaa? Evander Holyfield, you must be joking, man. Rahman, Brewster, Golota....puleeeeze....Guess it's Samuel Peter. Kelso LOVES writing about boxing, knowing how much Saint John McCain hates it and following the thread, how much the Tissue Of Lies loves him AND hates boxing.

Kelso's Nuts love you very much. Do they love W and McCain and The Tissue Of Lies?