Thanks to you spammers for ceasing to bomb the KELSO'S NUTS blog if you're not really interested in the subjects. Kelso appreciates this.

Kelso had a lovely last couple of days on a tuna-fishing trip off Montauk with one of his best friends, Eugah, and Eugah's 13-year old son Le Petit Monsieur du Port de Clingancourt. The Little Prince bagged the the first fish, a 25-lb Mahi-Mahi. His daddy, Eugah and Kelso each bagged 65-lb Yellowfins and the lovely steaks are in the freezers. Eugah and Kelso have profited mightily from the spike in the price of oil and commodities as a result of Bush's vile wars, but remain Champagne Socialists and Limousine Liberals or Town Car Libertarians to the end. A nice Hemingway-esque male bonding experience for Eugah's son, who sorely lacks this kind of machismo in his hoity-toity Parisian life -- nothing like this kind of stuff as a teenager with Dad and Dad's buds -- he'll remember it is whole life. Though he had to take a little shit from first-mate, Peter, for not being able to land the tuna on his own. Peter warned Eugah fils that if the boat were to hook a marlin, the kid would have to get strong in a hurry because a Marlin can eat a Yellowfin Tuna in one gulp. Kelso thinks that Eugah fils ought to take Peter's advice and hit the weights a bit if he want to make deep-sea fishing a hobby. Kelso also thinks more male influence is needed back home in Paris for the boy. The Moroccan paramour of Eugah Jr's mere, Kelso doesn't believe, is "cutting it" as a surrotate Dad. Kelso would not be so hard on the boy had the brat not been such a greedy little fuck about sharing his Mahi-Mahi steaks with Kelso. Kelso kids because he loves. Eugah fils is a great kid and will make a fine fisherman someday. If he doesn't persist in these foolish French ways of thinking Las Vegas is "superficial". Like the Louvre isn't fucking superficial and touristy as all get-out. Steve Wynn's got a better collection, anyway.

On the return to the City William Marcy "Boss" Tweed and George Washington Plunkitt built (Robert Moses and Rudy Giuliani are villains on this blog!), Eugah read aloud a front-page puff-piece on Ed Meese and his wonderful vision of "strict constructionalism" with regard to the new judicial philosophy from the paper-of-record, The Tissue Of Lies. Kelso and Eugah got bored about 3 grafs in and plugged in the I-pod, assuming that a Tissue Of Lies reporter administering the flag-salute to Ed Meese would NOT mention that Eddie was Dick Cheney writ small back in the day, turning, as Attorney General, a small Bronx-based maker of ovens, Welbilt, into the massive defense contractor WEDTECH. Kelso forgets nothing; don't forget.

Also, don't forget that it was Messers US Attorneys Weld and Burns refusal to drop securities charges at the behest of Pres Bush I -- resigning instead -- against Meese that set up Weld's (Republican!) gubernatorial win in Massachusetts, setting him up for a longshot bid against the power-mad Spitzer in New York. Kelso likes Weld. Likes his balls. Likes his patrician style. Likes his open-mindedness and likes his catholicity (small "c", he's an Episcopalian) of interests and talents. In retrospect, Kelso wishes Weld had beaten "reporting for duty, sir" Kerry for Senator in Massachusetts. Please don't be stoonad and point out to Kelso that Weld is a Republican. Kelso knows. He also knows that Tom Campbell, Gary Johnson, Ron Paul, and Wilbur "Freedom Fries" Smith are also Republicans who are stand-up guys with gonads.

Cindy Sheehan sure is turning into a real-life BILLY JACK for the 00's, no? Bush and Company better watch out. No result in Crawford is good for them. Bush will either cave and deal with Ms. Sheehan, as Rabbi Abramoff spills, or they'll try to brazen out the "Camp Casey" thing and some red-neck will hurt or kill a protestor, setting off something that will spin beyond the control of "Boy Genius-Turd Blossom" Karl Rove's control.

Then again, once Bill Clinton was impeached, school was really out, no? Anything is possible and PATRIOT is very, very much like the so-called "Enabling Laws" of Nazi Germany following the ballot-box election of Adolf Hitler to Chancellor. It's so bitterly ironic how many practicing Jews have signed on to this montstrous adminstration. Kelso, an atheist of Russian and German Jewish extraction does not understand this one bit. Guess the answer has something to do with good old Israel and the Rapture and the settlers and hating the Palestinians because they're brown. Like Sabras aren't brown and don't wear cheap cologne, and have hideous habits and low-class names like "Nisim". Kelso doesn't get it, and like the anti-Cindy Sheehan protestors, "doesn't care". He'd rather be Cindy Sheehan's tea-boy than the goddamned Head Rabbi of any congregation you could name. Oh, is that Kelso using the J-word and being "self-hating?" Yes, Kelso used the J-Word, but don't worry he's not self-hating. He has an ego as big as Texas. Hardy-har-har, to quote Ralph Kramden.

Oh by the by, attention Jewish collaborators, where exactly to you think Israel's nuclear missiles are aimed, anyway? Sure, a couple at Saudi Arabia, maybe a few at China, a couple at Russia, maybe one at Syria, a few at the other members of the club, and the rest AT YOUR STINKING ASSES. Why? Because the United States is majority Christian and plurality Rapturist and have Jewish Armageddon planned, si no se convertiran, geddit? Look before you leap is the take-away lesson from this and you all know who are.

But how bad could it all be if the Yellowfins are biting? And Bush's approval ratings are going to crack 40 on the downside? It could only be bad if the A's don't catch the Los Angeles Angels of The Magic Kingdom of Anaheim for first in the AL West.

Look for Kelso and Eugah in the "Mako-Mania" Calcutta Pool Tournament next July off Montauk, going for the million-dollar prize. Kelso and Eugah both feel that -- as pure, over-educated land-lubbers -- with the guidance of Captain McBride and genius-of-the-Atlantic, Peter, they've got a shot at the landing the biggest shark. Eugah fils will have "cowboyed-up" a bit and the team will be good to go.

Kelso's Nuts love you very much. Never forget that. And never, ever forgive.