Kelso is going into the Way-Back Machine to highlight a rather esoteric and surprising villain: Dave Eggers. With the caveats that Kelso has not read A BATHETIC WORK OF SURPISING SENTIMENTALITY nor does he read McDONALD'S and he did like a few things about MIGHT, Eggers did his small part in bringing the USA to its sorry state of fascist affairs. Kelso feels it's his patriotic duty to remind everybody about the Eggers of 1992.

Kelso has a friend who is tangentially connected to Eggers, but as she has put Kelso on the pen-pal blacklist because of his "issues" (saying Kelso has "issues" is like saying Converse has sneakers). But, fuck it, once more into the breach...

The literary prince was either a member of or director of a group called "Lead Or Leave" which encouraged YOUNG PEOPLE to support Perot in the 1992 election and was dedicated to term limits and deficit reduction through service cuts (ex-military, natch). This castrated Clinton and brought us permanent Republican empire. Thanks, Dave.

Now, Kelso has no problem with the College Republicans. They're tough guys and gals and have a very proud history from Donald Segretti all the way to today's Jack Abramoff and Karl Rove. Kelso has no problem with the myriad left-wing groups for young people. But a "moderate" group for young people? You must be kidding, man? Even Robert Bork copped to being a young Socialist!

So, don't think cool literary guy when you think Dave Eggers. Think Ross Perot.

Kelso's going to shift into idealistic mode here. He wants an immediate end to these vile wars and a huge increase in funding for the Veterans' Administration. Kelso thinks the Bush Crime Family has stolen enough. There are many fine boxers out there: Floyd Mayweather, Jr., Jermain Taylor, Fernando Vargas, Felix Trinidad...let's leave the fighting to them.

And on to baseball...Just how impressive is the Braves organization. Get ready for another 14 years of dominance of NL East. They have no shortage of power prospects: Andy Marte (looks better than Chipper at this stage of development), Jeff Francoeur, Ryan Langerhans, plus Kyle Davies on the mound who will certainly explode under Leo Mazzone's tutelage.

Kelso's Nuts loves you.