Kelso is a very cranky young middle-aged man. He takes his inspiration from Matt Taibbi, Mike Malloy, Emimem, Ice Cube, Billy Beane, Fischer Black (RIP), Myron Scholes, Kenneth Arrow, Zoe Heller, Randi Rhodes and Brody -- Kelso is only partly a sexist, see. He refers to himself in the third person because Darryl Strawberry is another of his heroes and wants to be as much like The Straw as possible: Kelso likes to get high, fuck and wishes he could hit. Kelso is a professional sports bettor. Kelso is very anti-scapgoating and very anti-law-and-order. Yes, this is a left-libertarian blog. There are no answers to society's problems here. Just opinions and rant.

Well OK, let's jump right into the deep end of the pool. What the fuck is the New York Times Sunday Magazine doing using two of the last four magazine cover stories to advocate Jews making common cause with Christian crazies? Kelso is an atheist but is of Jewish ancestry so is eminently qualified to offer an opinion here. This is Hillary Clinton's winning (ha ha) strategy. Kelso don't like "Sister Frigidaire" much. More about that in a while, but for now Kelso's Nuts are feeling very scalded by these pieces. Kelso does not want to make common cause with Christian Crazies; he wants them to fry in their own hell for eternity. Right-wing Jewish collaborators will be right there with them: oooh it's hot, hot, hot Messrs Daniel Lappin and Jack Abramoff. And as for Kelso's liberal brethren and sistren of the Jewish persuasion, Tom Robinson said it better than Kelso could: "better decide which side you're on/this ship goes down before too long." Here's a little wake-up call, friends, YOU ARE NOT ISRAELIS; YOU ARE AMERICANS. ISRAELIS HATE YOU. THEY HATE THE STUPID TREES YOU PLANT. THEY HATE YOUR FRESHLY SQUEEZED ORANGE JUICE AND YOUR ZABAR'S. THEY THINK YOU ARE SOFT AND WEAK AND THEY'RE RIGHT. The Center of the Likud party stands somewhere to the left of the American Jewish Liberal Community on the issue of occupation and far to the left of AIPAC. You decent-minded folk are really going to let the world get blown in two, aren't you? Over what? A scrap of land no self-respecting denzien of the Camden, New Jersey, streets would want to live on?

Kelso quotes another of his favorite musicians, Billy Bragg ("It Says Here"): "when you wake up to the fact that your paper is Tory/just remember that there are two sides to every story."

That said, the Sunday Times magazine has earned back some points with Kelso by putting Pedro Martinez on last week's cover. We love Pedro.

Let's move along to something a little less bellicose, the Jermain Taylor/Bernard Hopkins fight. Kelso thinks that had Hopkins not head-butted Taylor, the fight still would have gone to a decision, but it would have been unanimous for Taylor.

That's all for now. Time for a little online poker, some handicapping, a walk to the beach, some benzodiazapines, a wank and a nap..

Kelso's Nuts loves you.