Kelso finds himself extremely irritated with all of these introspective analyses of what's gone wrong with the Democratic Party and why can't they win? Here's a simple rule: YOU CAN'T WIN IF YOU DON'T FIGHT. The Republicans NEVER go down without a fight, and they don't argue amongst themselves about trivia. They never back down and they never admit defeat. They put party in front of country and self. In a twisted way, it's quite admirable.

OK, Democrats. Here's the Kelso opinion. You take a page right out of their playbook and not an ideological one as the misguided Hillary seems to have done. Kelso's talking strategy and tactics. (1) STOP TRASHING HOWARD DEAN, GEORGE SOROS, MOVEON.ORG and AIR AMERICA. They are the bosses. Live with it. They raise the money; they excite the base. They're up for a fight. Boo-hoo, Hillary, the "third-way" is over-with (2) ALWAYS BE KICKING ASS AND TAKING NAMES. Don't like the way the Republicans are using the perfectly legitimate idea of gay marriage to scare people and peel-off some stoo-nad African-Americans? THEN FUCKING OUT EVERY GAY REPUBLICAN THERE IS. And don't stop. Find out exactly who was availing themselves of Jeff Gannon-Guckert's services and TELL THE WORLD. And for heaven's sakes', boys and girls, this isn't about being PC; it's about winning. Worry about PC after YOU'VE taken back two of three branches of government. THEN, it can all be nicey-nice and FAIR and nobody's feelings get hurt. Right now, everyone's fair game, just like the way your oppenents play (and win).

Don't like the idea of losing African-American votes? Any one who's foolish enough to vote Republican on gay rights ain't worth having. Tell them to take a walk and enjoy partying with Rove, McLellan and Mehlman if you know what Kelso means and he thinks you do. Listen, "none of the above" wins almost every election. Get some of them and the gutless among the African-American constituency can join Brother Blackwell and Alan Keyes. Kelso's sure THEY'RE against gay marriage. Kelso knows what it's all about, don't you worry. As he noted in yesterday's posting, prison rape is a horrible deal, but pretending it doesn't happen in your community and thinking that you can wish it away by "values" voting ain't going to work. Please have the good sense to separate gay sexuality which is a fine variant of normal with violence. A tough progressive Democratic party might cut back sharply on prison rape. Today's Republicans? No way.

Democrats, don't like your treatment in the media? Same deal. Rattle Adam Nagourney's tree and see what falls out. Ha-ha. Even money Jeff Gannon's involved there somewhere. Stop letting these putzes like Nagourney and Joe Klein calling sensible Centrist Democratic ideas "looney liberalism." Klein, Kelso believes, is straight, but don't forget that he wrote a biography of Woody Guthrie which is kind of like Larry Flynt writing a biography of Billy Graham, no? Make the little putz into the joke that he is. Demonstrate that you're willing to show the stick about and the rest of the mainstream media will get the message real fast.

That may sound contradictory with above entreaty to African-Americans to stay within the fold, but part of the fight is using these nasty fuckers' shame and confusion on them like a cudgel.

Afraid of the DLC? Tell them to go fuck themselves, to become Republicans or form their own party. They don't have the money or the base -- just the ear of the mainstream media, which they will soon lose when it's clear that they're less than a gnat on a dog's dick. Don't forget, it's the progressives who are in charge now, because they can raise the money.

To that end, adopt a party-wide stance of No War, Yes Troops. Push for National Health Care. Give up the gun-control issue. It's a stone-cold loser. Let the crackers shoot themselves silly. Push for lower, fairer taxes. There's plenty of money for that. It's all in the off-budget allocations to the wars which you assholes keep voting for. Don't worry so much about Roe v Wade. The right doesn't want it overturned. They want it as an issue. Focus on winning, and then on making abortion free, safe and available to ANY woman who wants one.

Stop villainizing the Far-Right. You have many friends there who agree with you on about 60% of the issues mostly centered on the vile PATRIOT ACTS. You agree to disagree on abortion and guns; they'll help your sorry asses with the privacy "thing".

Oh yeah, a few more things: no more capital punishment,no more War-On-Drugs, and make sure to count the votes.

Show some balls and some table presence and good things follow.

And finally, once and for all, ANYONE BUT HILLARY, puleeeeze, because no one gives you power if you concede, YOU HAVE TO TAKE IT.

Kelso's Nuts loves YOU, but has no love for the DLC.